Bereavement counselling

Hey all,

this place seems to be the font of all knowledge.

Anyone know if there is any english language bereavment counselling in munich?

Thanks

Munkeeh

Call me a callous bastard - but how about the " learn to live with it " - or " Get over it" school of thinking !!

I am fed up with all the soppy liberal arty farty tree hugging types. When did we stop taking responsability for ourselves??

How did we ever get to the state where soldiers and policeman can now go and claim Post Traumatic Stress Disorder just for doing the jobs they volunteered for in the first place ??

Are we just building up a society of pansies and shirtlifters ???

PS. I'm already in a Bad Mood this evening !! in case you hadn't noticed !

MDF, you're a callous bastard. Unfortunately I also happen to agree with you to a large extent.

Munkeeh, I think you're wasting your time and more importantly your money if you go looking for such things. If you've suffered some loss recently then please accept my condonlensces. That someone actually makes money offering a service called "bereavement counselling" pretty much shows me how fucked up our society is. Where I come from your bereavement counsellors are called your family and friends. And it usually costs nothing, except perhaps a few beers. You lost someone, you loved that person, your world is turned upside down as a result. These are all tough things and despite what you'd think, they happen to pretty much every individual on the planet. Everyone that I know has experience of losing a loved one. So in other words, there's an "English speaking bereavement counsellor" on pretty much every corner. Go Günther Murphy's on Tuesday for the after-work thingy, get talking to people, make friends and it won't take long before you'll find someone to share your fears and worries with. Please don't give money to some professional grief sorter who actually doesn't give a shit about your problems and is only listening to you so long as you pay. Talk to family and friends and if you haven't got any then make some friends. There's plenty people in town just begging to go for a pint with English speaking people.

End of rant.

Thanks Keydeck - I've got no problems with being accused of being a callous bastard - cos I am one !

You have hit the nail right on the head though with your reply, and this is exactly the kind of thing I am totally against - these callous bastards who only want your grief and pain in exchange for money !!! they should be shot on sight !

What pains me the most is when I hear about (for example) another shooting at an American school or college and that the "counsellors " have been called in to consult with all concerned - this strikes me as fcuking VULTURES determined to make a fortune out of a very distressing time ( see my rant about the stupid woman trying to sue Janet Jackson for millions for the "Injury" caused by her flashing her right boob ! ) I think that a lot of "Americanisms " have spread out into the big wide world - and that these are not necessarily for the good of the rest of the world.

Thank you both for your opinions.

To some extent I agree with you too, and have tried talking to english and german friends but it has still left me with things that keep coming back to haunt me.

Strange isnt it, however much to try and get past something its always there to haunt you when you dont expect it

Ok, am not going to put any more about this on here. If someone has other suggestions of services in town, please let me know.

Ta

Munkeeh

Sorry for your loss, munkeeh, and wish I had suggestions.

I haven't had the misfortune (knock on wood), but I can't even imagine going through bereavement in a place where I'm far from family and friends with no succor in my own language.

And sorry, Keydeck, I don't think meeting strangers for the first time in a pub when said strangers are quite obviously there for nothing more than a good time is any place at all for a mourning soul.

I've known bereavement to do strange things to people I love, even when they've got a large network of nearby support, so I can't really knock professional help in that arena.

Firstly I'd like to say that I typed a huge big response to this and then instead of typing the number 5 I stupidly hit F5 and lost the lot. Aaarrrghhh!!

I wanted to clarify what I said in case there is a bit of misunderstanding. I was not suggesting that anyone go to Murphy's on Tuesday and pour their heart out to the first TTer they encounter at the well. The point I was making was that in my opinion, the only counsellors one needs are family and friends. If there are none of those nearby then the person should get out there and make some friends. I don't really have any time for people who say they are alone here or that they cannot make friends. The network that has been built up around toytownmunich alone ensures that it is an absolute doddle to meet people. What you do after that is your own lookout. Point being that anybody can easily meet lots of people, many of whom are in exactly the same boat as themselves. It is from this that friendships are built up. I came to Munich in '98 and I knew nobody. Not a solitary soul and there was no TT to provide easy meet-ups either. No, you get out there and meet people and make your own way.

But I digress. There are too many lawyers, advisors and counsellors out there who in theory offer people a simple and quick way to deal with their problems. In my opinion it's all total quatch. I don't want to get into the specifics of Munkeeh's problems too much, but he said "however much to try and get past something its always there to haunt you when you dont expect it". Of course it does! That's what makes you human. If you're looking for a "bereavement counsellor" who can wave his magic wand and make you forget then you're looking for someone to take away what makes you a person. You face your losses, you deal with them and you put them away in a place within you. Of course it will come back and knock you sideways from time to time, that reminds you of how strong the love was in the first place. And there are other times when the feelings will come back and give you strength. That's what they're good for. It's like the kid whose mother provides lots of vitamins when he's young. Pills for this and pills for that. The kid generally grows up into a sickly adult who gets a cold or flu every time the wind changes. He doesn't have any natural immunity because of the dependance on outside influences. The same works true for the soul.

It's a fucking tough world out there and the best way to deal with it is to deal with it yourself. Take charge of your own life and make it as best as it can be. Clearly I'm in full fucking rant mode so I'll quit now before I start quoting Vince Lombardi or somesuch.

Hiya
Dr Dum - Counseling and therapy might be able to help.
I've never used her myself but have recently had a death in my family. We all have our own ways of dealing with things and one size does not fit all.
If you think that it would help you then try it. If not, then don't.
I can't tell you how to feel or how to greive as I am not you.
Herr Indoors and his family have helped me to cope in my own way (as well as my family mostly by telephone) as have my work colleagues and several of the friends that I have made through this website.
crusebereavementcare.org.uk
Should you be a Christian (or even if you are not) you might also want to contact one of the churches or missions listed here. Faith is a very personal thing so I'd rather not comment further on that.
There is no shame in seeking help for any problem if you feel that you need to and there is more help available than you think.
All the very best,
Katrina

have a link here of a woman practicing counselling in English in Munich. No idea whether or not she does what you are looking for, but you could phone her and ask and perhaps she can suggest someone.

Katrina, you are a doll for answering the inquiry contained in the original post. Thank you. This thread was growing painful.

munkeeh, you deal with your grief as you need to, and don't let anyone tell you your way is the wrong way--not until they know a little something about it, anyway. I hope you knew that already, but from one human to another, just reminding you of that.

& hey, if part of dealing with that grief is getting Keydeck to foot your bar bill for the evening, by all means, go for it.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with stuff. A close family member of mine died a couple of weeks back. Personally, going to the pub alot and just talking pub-chat with people cheered me up. IMHO, grief just puts you in a negative mood, and makes alot in your life seem shittier than normal. Bit of banter makes me positive again (ta Jimbo)

Might not work for you, but tuesday night at Murphy's is a good place to start!

Totally agree with Don Riina on this one and think some early replies were a little harsh. Counselling isn't my way, but frankly if it works for you, or if you think it might, then give it a go.


Anytime mate, anytime...

Society has become somewhat more caring about all this.

Back in the good old days of World War I many young lads were shot for cowardice when nowadays they would be diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder.
During the Vietnam war they wern't shot, but became society dropouts.
Now they get counselling.

However its also true that we have gone completely overboard, and there are now lawsuits for people so horrified and emotionally damaged by Janet Jackson's breast that they need compensation.

All this is no help to Munkeeh, but if he feels he needs to talk to somebody he probably does. Latching onto a priest is not a bad idea. It does not matter if you are religous or not, what matters is that the priest wants to help, and hopes to help you enough to recruit you/confirm your faith.

A psychiatrist/professional bereavment counseller is not a bad idea, but I support the view that there's lots of charlatans out there who only earn from you as long as you're sick, so they want to make you dependant, not cured.

possibly the difference between friends and a professional is that the person with the problem may want to talk about it for more and longer than the friend(s) may want to listen. so if that is the case, then when the friend says "get over it already, it's been X months (weeks, years, whatever), let's have another beer" the professional keeps listening. coz that's what their paid to do. even if they're composing their shopping list in their head whilst doing so. so it has its upside. from a friend you get quality, but from a pro you can get quantity if that is what you need...

Yes, MadAxe, society has become more caring about this and I think that it is a progressive quality. "Good old days of WWI" is an oxymoron. When society doesn't know about something and doesn't care it isn't a good thing. Social dropouts is also another way of letting people fall through the cracks, which isn't great either.

is a well researched science. And helping people in after certain emotional states keeps them actively contributing to society. Otherwise those people loose their mind/families/jobs/health due to some overpowering "angst" that they just need to find a way to ignore/live with- but can't. No, it's not for everyone because we all deal with stuff in our own way.

And I think the lady sueing for 'damages' when she saw Janet's puppy is going to be laughed out of court like those people who tried to sue McDonalds for making them faaat.

I attended a compulsary counselling session at uni to get out of a test the day after my grandmother died. I was doing okay but left the session on a really positive note. I found it really helped talking to someone who didnt know you and was not biased. Counselling is not for everyone but sometimes I think it can be really beneficial. Some people need help to deal with sudden shock and stress and that´s not a bad thing. Everyone deals with things differently. I think that this thread should be dealt with sensitively.

I agree with those advocating talking to a religious person. This will be free of charge and will provide an objective listener, who may just point you in the right direction and enable you to see the light.
Go to your embassy/consolate and ask for the list of english speaking clergy. I know the Catholic church in Munich has several english speaking priests who will listen to you regardless of creed. You won't have to convert either!

I'm sorry for your loss and at the moment we can all detect your pain, however, youv'e made the first step towards recovery by seeking help. Don't look back only forward and the sun will shine again. Decide the help you require, then go out and get it but whatever you do, keep the wheels of motion turning. Time is a great healer and in time you will learn to think of your special person in a more positive way without the pain of grieving.

I speak from experience as I have lost my son and my parents not to mention the various significant others and a few friends who have died at a young age. My world too was turned upside down but I am very fortunate with the friends and relatives I have as they let me cry when I needed to, be angry when I couldn't cope and were kind enough to give me a push when they thought I was wallowing in self pity. So the offers of meeting a few new friends may not be such a bad thing 'cause if your busy your mind will be occupied which should lessen the time for dwelling on something you cannot change. Your special person will always be close to your heart, you just need to find a way of putting their memory into your every day life, good luck to you.