Bad poetry corner

Hi guys. The low-pressure area "David" or "Dan" or whatever it's called is currently approaching to punctually meet us beginning of this weeking as is customary with Munich weather. This has touched my reptilian heart and made come up with some of my own Crappy Poetry. I'd love you to contribute!

This one is a sensitive poem called "Ode to my lost Sock":

You were so dear to me
Where can you be?
Why did you leave
and let me be
My poor cold toes
Await in woes
I'm freezing, can't you see?

I am all unmatched now
like a spotted cow
awaiting your return
I put you in
the washingmachine
for you it is I yearn
Come back oh fluffy one!

BTW: I am still not happy with the "come back oh fluffy one" bit. It someone doesn't harmonize..

There once was a lady called Bright
Who could travel at the speed of light
She left one day in a relative way
And came back the previous night!

Heres one I wrote back in 96 as a piss take on emotive verse after doing too much acid.. Pretty amatuer, but I havent been able to do better since. I think I have another one here somewhere too...

The fire is perfect, the woods cut just right
and the whole room glows in its warm, golden light
it seems intriguing but how can I tell
that it's drawing me in
like some strange spell

The TV is playing videos of concerts long since gone
and as I listen to their enchanting song
I now know who I want to be
their music's played with a passion that
stirs something in me

To be here by the fire, tonight
this is nice, it feels just right
this is my home, a home of the brave
standing here, a pioneer
in my home, my castle, my cave

I can feel a bond with those who have passed
here I am, my turn, at last
this glorious feeling makes me want to sing
what's missing?
Just one thing...

I wish you were here beside me, love
you could fly in the door like Noahs dove
you could be my special treat
if I was lucky enough to have you here
my life would be complete

To dream is all I hope for now
I would use all I could: magic, money and power
I would buy you something pretty to wear
to go with your warm eyes and kind smile
and your beautiful long hair

We would talk and joke around and play
and live a lifetime in one day
we could go outside and look up at the sky
my dream come true
just you and I

We could sit real close, in our magic bliss
and with tender passion we would share a kiss
we are as one at some late hour
nothing matters not wealth or power
you are all I can think about right now

I open my eyes and let out a scream
I am cursed with visions of such a sweet dream
when will I learn there is nothing to gain
but all that I find
is driving me insane

This sad existence is making me cry
I wish I had given you more of a try
but sadly I am just too meek
as yet another tear
rolls down my quivering cheek

Some time today I smelled your perfume
and I couldn't remember, like a forgotten tune
the memories of you are becoming hazy
to let you go
would just be crazy

I pick off the floor a long golden hair
I will keep it to help me remember you dear
My emotions are thankfully no longer sore
now I am not scared
to dream any more

Imagine, sweet love, the times to be had
the joy we could share could make the whole world glad
it would be great, together as one
we would go together
like the moon and sun

Snow covered mountains and fields of flowers
there's fun to be had for hours and hours
do you know that eternal bliss is not a myth
with you I have found it
and there is no one I would rather share it with

A house in the country with forests and ponds
like magical gifts from a fairy's wand
not a care in the world and nothing to hide
life seems so simple
with you by my side

So follow me now while we are still young and free
I can be whatever you want me to be
in this fantasy world nothing is what it seems
as we keep to ourselves
in our world of sweet dreams

Summer time gifts us with a warm and gentle breeze
blowing gently through the grass, the trees, and the leaves
how lucky for us to own this great land
smiles exchanged
as I take your fair hand

You lie on the lawn and play with the cats
and I bring out the drinks, the music and sunhats
every second of my life is packed with glee
as I ask you dear lady
where would you rather be?

As evening approaches in fantasy land
back inside, you take me by the hand
the doors are open as the night air calms
in a blissful state
I fall asleep in your arms

We can build on this dream of the cats, you, and I
this time the limit is beyond even the sky
free from all evil, care and curse
locked up in our minds
our own private universe

I am happy again as I sit on my chair
for I know what to do in case you aren't here
no longer do I have to cry
for all I have to do is
simply open my minds eye

And heres one I wrote about the same time for mothers day, also just a bit of a piss take and not a real attempt at proper poetry.

She sits on her bed with a bottle of gin
and thinks back to the days when she had soft skin

She's feeding her dolls and dusting her room
and dreaming of the perfect groom
to grow up to be a mum and a wife
to her it seems like the perfect life

Her fiftieth birthday is but one week away
and things are getting decidedly grey
menopause has struck, a woman no more
right now she feels lower than a whore

Her daughter used to play like a carefree monkey
now she's nothing but a heroin junkie
her son gave hugs that she adored
now hes dying of aids in a hospital ward

Cooking and cleaning for twenty eight years
no one ever noticed the tears
the repetition is fast becoming a joke
as her and husband are very broke

Fat stomach, sagging breasts, head of grey hair
she blames herself when he looks elsewhere
night after night . ho after ho
but she quietly pretends not to know

She has failed in her role of womanhood
nothing any more feels bad or good
the future holds nothing but terrible doubt
the knife in her hand is the only way out

She takes to her wrist as the blood drips on her sheets
peace at last as her heart no longer beats

The official poster boy of bad poetry. (Do I hear a cry of "Belmont!"?)

(oh, how I do miss my old copy of Pegasus Descending...)

Hmm...very bad indeed.

Aslo anything by Pam Ayres

A cow once thought she was a girl
but no one would believe
They stole her milk and ate her kids
All she had left was grief
Then came a man
He had a plan
To turn her into a steak
She put on a wig
and some lipstick
And with that could escape
Today she's here
If you could bear
To have her on your site
She is quite nice,
will give advice
And promises not to bite.

IPJ has been at the dboms and abols again
Kza is de man
So is Yeti
and Katrina

THE END

That little beauty was written about me by a receptionist where I used to work - as you can see she was a bit weird...luckily for her I only got told about the poem (which is on www.poetry.com) on her last day when she got pissed and told me about it. I was scared at the time and I'm still pretty scared now.

Good work thusfar. Thanks. Can it get worse?

Hmm, some of the more interesting bits of magnetic poetry I've found on my fridge:

 lick purple rain from an ugly woman’s petal. Smear delicate hot juice on her, give her a knife and see the girl fall on a rock. Death ghost. My foul pink lust is a trip

 for myself – wherefore jest every vehemence, heave whatsoever beseech’st him, ne’er warrant your spot, measure this apparatus, dost like his tale, always

I like this one from Prince's classic, Oh Sheila:

Uh, baby it's 1,2,3
I love you baby, honestly
I want to deeda leeda lee
A deeda leeda loo

Uh, Oh Sheila

Great songwriting. Really

I think I posted this in the normal poetry thread:

Here I sit, broken hearted,
tried to shit, but only farted,
then I thought I'd take a chance,
tried to fart and shat my pants

Oi, Jimbo--poetry.com--the online poet's most beloved resource...can you feel the irony? Only worthwhile thing that crowd gave us was the inspiration for the Wergle Flomp Poetry Contest.

Go 'head. You know you can do better. Or, in this case, worse...

I like the simplicity and clarity of BostonSportsFan's poem. Short and snappy and gets the message across.
Edit: Cowgirl's brought a tear into my reptilian eye.