Trying to save a relationship

don't agree with that particularly

grow up ajohnson

Please outline your wealth of experience in this area to counter her wealth. Just opinions - all smelly.

there is no need to presume infidelity after two months of no sex. Pregnancy hormones, stress, and doubts about the relationship are certainly reason enough. From my own wealth of experience.

my 'wealth of experience' (well just personal experience) says that some women and men can often go a few weeks without feeling inclined to have sex without neccessarily meaning they are doing it with someone else.

and if you and ajohnson don't know what I mean by the second comment then there probably isn't much point explaining about other things that are also important in a relationship for some people

@ BR
Right well that is hardly reason for insult aimed at ajohnson - as to not doing it with someone else , let's look at the facts again:
1. Interested in other guy
2. Other guy is massage teacher (cringe)
3. Situation brewing for a long ass time with her putting DMW thru hell on earth
4. No action for DMW for over 2 months.
5. Finally light dawning for our man DMW although he's been asked to move stage left.

I'd say that he's got more than sufficient reason to suspect but not presume - lotsa people go off screwin their partner for various reasons during some stage of a relationship - but usually when another party is involved the reason might not be benign.

MAybe you could try to give your opinion without being an ass in future. Respect.

DMW, I haven't been following this thread that closely so my apologies if my comments are way off base or just a repeat of someone elses.

Have you considered that your time apart may actually serve to make you realize how much happier you and she can be without each other? Maybe the thought of that scares you, but being alone is not necessarily a bad thing.

Also have you considered the effect that your unhappy situation is having on your child. You are the childs model of what a family should be, your relationship with your girlfriend will be what it bases all future relationships on.

it's obvious that boomtown rat isn't getting any, one of the side effects to a lack of sex is irritability!!! Chill out there, killer! boo hiss!
Git'cha sum!

But seriously, my comment was meant in a joking manner. Obviously, my misplaced humor has touched a nerve and I apologize to DMW as I should not make light of his situation. I do wish him the best in salvaging his relationship if that is indeed want he truly wants.

I don't think I ever claimed she hasn't been 'doing it' or 'thinking of doing it' - I just don't think 'no action for two months' is conclusive evidence of that - there can be a host of other reasons.

and claiming there is no point to a relationship if there is no action for a two month period, especially when there are kids involved - is an attitude I might expect from an 18 year old rather than a 28 year old. People get sick, kids/jobs are stressful - and people need support in such circumstances rather than being dumped for not being up for it day in day out. Mind you, I've always had strange priorities so its probably me thats weird

sure, I understand that, but maybe this isn't the ideal place for it

I'm with you on this one, BR.

Well one of the reasons that I am moving out is in the hope that she will realise what she is missing. The therapist agress that this is probably the best solution and if she doesn't realise it then maybe I can find out if I can be happy being alone and doing my own thing, Its been a long time now since I've been in that position.

And of course we have considered the effects on our son. We are trying our best to avoid bringing him into the conflict and to reassure him that we both love him and always will. He still picks up on it and asks a lot of questions but we both agreed to not try and get him on our side in the conflict.

As for the not getting sex for the last 2 months, I don't find it strange or a reason to worry that she might be getting it elsewhere at the moment.
While I and most other men can f*ck whatever the circumstances and emotional situation, my girlfriend probably isn't into the angry shag at the moment and so the atmoshpere hasn't exactly been conjunctive to sex.

Plus being pregnant probably doesn't help either.

Best stick some broken glass on your side of the bed just before you leave to be on the safe side!

(which might be a vaguely amusing comment had an ex-girlfiend not actually done this to my bed many years ago)

@JE, was she nuts or what?
I couldn't really do that now because the little fella crawls into the bed over my side. I need a better plan.

Chastity belt? I hear they come in a variety of sizes and colours.

So what, start a new thread asking where I can buy a Chastity belt in Munich?

Install a live web camera and have this hooked up to the TT website. We could then have our own Big Brother, and text alerts if she hooks up with "Hans with the Hands".

You may want to try San Gimignano:

Museum of Torture

I cant open Silva's site from work but Im guessin

The emotional reaction on the last counseling session was a big step. Where is this step taking your relationship, that's still to be seen. But at least know you can see the feelings inside the armour. When people is angry they get on their emotional armour and it's difficult to sit down and talk frankly. Keep up the spirit!! Good luck!

@Parnell
That's me that is!
I wish.
*drools*

Can't be me, I'm partial to scorpions.

@ DMW - haven't heard from you in a while. are the counselling sessions helping? what's the latest?

Things seem to be going quite well at the moment. The counselling has certainly helped.
We have been talking a lot more openly of late. I am back living in our flat and we are even sharing the same bed again. Its obviously not back to normal yet but we are working on it. We have another counselling session in 2 weeks time.

Glad to hear it DeadManWalking! Good on you for trying, I hope it continues to improve for all of you.

Great news,
time and patience and understanding...

Oh DeadManWalking, this almost puts a tear into me old eyes, some good news here on the forum! Good work to you, keep it up!

Well here we go again...I just got back last Friday after being away on a buisness trip for a week, still thinking everything is fine. Then on Sunday morning I find out that she has been to see a flat offered by the WohnAmt ( or whatever they are called) and today she has a meeting with the owner and will tell them that seh wants to take and move in as soon as possible...without me of course. Naturally this didn't go down too well and so another argument ensued. Just wonderful, eh? She keeps me on a short leash and has me answering to her beck and call just to please her and then repays me by pulling the rug out from under me.

not nice DMW. Poor you.

bummer!
sorry dude...

Said it before , time for DeadManWalking to start walking and not stop. Sorry maing.

DMW do you think that you've tried enough now?
Only you can answer that.
If you're still at the counselling it might be time to change the focus of it and move towards a better relationship as two separate people.
Whatever happens, I hope something positive (not least a continuing good relationship with your kids) comes out of this.

Sounds like it may regretfully indeed by time to accept defeat on this one, but with pride knowing that you gave it your best shot.

poor DMW
maybe she'll see things differently after the child is born?

dear dead man,

I hope all works out for the best. My husband and I took a break about 8 years ago, it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to us and we are better people for it. It was a long 2 and a half years but we are happier now than have ever been. On friday we will celebrate our anniversary, I love him more now than I did on our wedding day. Even when it is a bad split as ours was things have a way of working themselves out. All the best to you and your family. I hope things work out for the best

probably helps that he isn't around too much!

when we are in Canada, he is only staying for 12 days then I am on my own again

As requested by parnell...
She went to see the flat and said she would like to have it. There were about 5 other people going for the flat as well so she will find out sometime in the middle of this month if she got it or not.
Then last week we had another counselling session where we spoke mostly about her moving out and how I didn't agree to it. I thought things were going well and that we could possible look for a bigger flat together, but she says the only way she can see it working is if we try living apart for a while (at least 6months) and then see if we want to move back together again. She said that if things are going okay that i can stay at her place a few nights a week. However for me, it still means I miss out on the kids a bit, that they get used to not having me around as much and that we have to buy a bunch of stuff like a fridge, bed, washing, machine, etc. Not what I want to waste my money on right now.
And there is no assurance that once she is out that she won't find out that she prefers and not bother giving the relationship another chance.
Plus she has been away since last Sunday doing the final part and exam for her massage training and I don't know how things went between her and this other guy.
She gets back tomorrow, so I will try to talk to her and find out what her feelings are, see if she gives away any indication of what she really wants.
The lack of sex is driving me mad though and only serves to fuel my anxiety.

Sorry to hear it DMW, but at least you're not throwing kitchen implements at each other. I know what you mean about the kids.

My personal opinion is that if she's moving out, she doesn't want to try and sort things out and that she's lying to you or being dishonest to herself. Sorry, and good luck.

DMW, have you been together since you were teenagers? If so, I think I may understand what's going on in her head. I was with my high school prom date for ten years. Toward the end of it, I came to the realization that, for the first time in my life, I really felt like I needed some time alone. It was especially crucial for me, because I went from sharing everything with my twin sister for the first 17 years of my life to sharing everything with him for the next 10. I simply needed to have some time to myself for awhile, and it really only had to do with me - not with him or some other guy or anything else.

I moved out into my own place with absolutely no intention of splitting up with my bf. In the end, we did end up splitting up, but it was more out of his inability to deal with my needing space to myself, rather than my not wanting to be together with him. Perhaps she just needs to be alone for awhile?

Thats what I think as well UA.

That's what my ex thought, too, but he was wrong.

No, we have been together for 6 years now but we are both over 30. Its not like we were the first serious partner for either of us.

Achso. Well, I wish you the best, whatever turn this takes...

@DMW,
Is extremely sad to know about this.

Just to console.
Believe "Whatever HAPPENS happens for GOOD. And what didnt could be Worse too!" and NOT getting something is also a good stroke of luck.
Wish you good luck to get courage to change the things the way you would like or accept it as it comes.

Hope this helps.

Thanks again TTers for all the support.

Yesterday my girlfriend and I went to an Ultrasound together and found out that we are going to have another boy
Afterwards I asked her to have a chat in a cafe with me. I asked straight out about the guy from her massage course and what was going on or had happened.
She said that nothing had happened, that she was confused by the feelings or emotions that he brought out in her but he never gave her any indication that he was interested in her in a romantic way. She has now finished her massage course completely and said that they had said goodbye and had made no plans to meet in the future.
If they did however then it would be an arranged meeting and no longer a teacher-student relationship so I guess I'm hoping that it won't happen anytime soon.
She is still intent on moving out but said that it doesn't mean we have to split up and that I just have to accept the risk that we may or may not end up living together again.

DMW, I still think she is completely beyond herself due to her hormones. Remain patient and see what she is like 6 months or so after birth. I wish you lots of strength,
MajorB