Staring Germans, why do they do it so?

A German sociologist once told me that it's actually a form of compliment, the staring. I'd tend to agree. It feels incredibly invasive but it's just another cultural difference that we have to acknowledge and accept in order to function in this unique culture.

When I first got here I thought racism was alive and kicking, now I know it's actually complimentary..

Think she means more the 'resting your eyes' rather than looking you up and down.

Yeah, this happened to me the other day in a restaurant this women wouldn't stop staring at me. So I continued to stare at her until she stopped staring at me and it took her a long time to back down. I just don't get what this staring phenomena is all about. But it happens to me a lot. I don't feel complimented as one of the other posters eluded too, I simply feel invaded.

I'm sure I know what you all mean having been here long enough. If you don't find a positive to it or come to accept it, you will become as miserable and downcast as those around you. The best thing to do is to ignore it and carry on, as it's not going to change or stop. Basically, like it or lump it.

Nope, doesn't make me miserable or downtrodded as I would be by now as I've been here over ten years. In fact, the three Germans I was having dinner with were even more offended than I was. Just because something frequently happens to you doesn't mean you have to accept it or should even get use to it. I'm not trying to change the social norms here, I'm just trying to have my dinner without having someone stare me down and I would like to think I'm not as interesting as the three people she was sitting at her table eating with.

If you don't accept it or want to get used to it, but realise you can't nor want to try to change the social norm, then that seems like a Catch 22 to me.

Just stare 'em out of it.
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

That version sounds so apathetic .

Here's the version I prefer:

"God, grant me the strength and the courage to change those things which cannot be changed, the motivation and the concern to change those things that should be changed, and God, please grant me the insight and the wisdom to change those things for the better, that I might enjoy the serenity of knowing that I have been used as an instrument of your peace" David Todescini

Hey @ all

Being German, I may be able to explain this to you. As far as I know, trying hard not to look at a person means we think this persons behaviour/appearance/etc. is totally inappropriate, and their very existance makes us ashamed. So we rather choose to pretend we don't notice them. Maybe you have heard the phrase "jemanden keines Blickes würdigen," roughly meaning youre not worth being stared at

Maybe Germans tend to keep eye-contact a little longer than people from the Anglo-Saxon World, or something like that, I don't know. What you may think is staring, may just be looking to us, making you know that we are aware of you, or even that we think you are an interesting person. But I can remember being told that staring at people is a no-no when i was a kid, and my siblings were to. The definition of staring just seems to vary. To us, us not to stare does'nt mean not to look at other people at all cost.

Well, just don't think about it to much. Just keep in mind that it has nothing to do with youre looks/behavior/being an Ausländer.

You mean inflight magazine complimentary or "Gosh, you're fantastic" complimentary?

*runs off to invent stareproof tinfoil*

"God, grant me the strength and the courage to put up with the shit I have to endure on a daily basis, a slow and horrific death to those tossers that cross me, and a winning lottery ticket would be quite nice too." Charles Darke

Now. As for starers, this is what I'm planning to do: I'm going to carry a camera around with me and take a photo of everybody that stares at me and upload it to my website. Can anyone see any legal problems with this (I don't know about German privacy laws) and more importantly, will anyone else join me in this battle?

I don't think Germans stare more than back home though. I find it quite amusing sometimes, although the guy that blatently bent over to try and see up my skirt was a tad weird.

I made the mistake of wearing some cute silver flats that have been in fashion back in the states. Not only did I get stares, I got double- and even a few triple-takes! If the rest of my belongings would arrive from the cargo ship, I'll have to make a game out of it.

Sorry guys, I don"t see these stares... I must be lost in my own world while wondering around...
Well, am I staring while in my world? - possibly, I guess...

@islander and you initial post:

I had a similar experience:
Very happy to have only received quiet unfriendly stares while walking around Jackson, Mississippi with my black husband... I spare you all the nice comments about our wedding from the family, ok...

Not saying that any of it should be ok, but that's life. In the US, in Germany, or anywhere else. Are you sure 'the staring Germans' mean any harm? They are most likely thinking about what to cook for dinner. I'm serious...

I've done that, it's fun! Every time someone is bugging me with the staring in the ubahn or bus I take out my mobile phone and point it at them and take a picture and then laugh at the stupid faces I catch on camera, it pisses people right off but then again if they can dish it out...

That's what I got when I first carried my silver handbag and matching sandals around months ago when it wasn't in fashion here yet, those fashions arrive here like half a year later.
My husband commented on how people stared and they found my bag weird as well as he did, I told him they were in fashion but he said he had not seen anyone else in Berlin with one, months later he told me he started seeing lots of women sporting them...

As you should have expected, this is indeed prohibited by German law. There are some loopholes, however. I think it would be allowed in the following cases:

- the depicted starer is a "Person der Zeitgeschichte", some kind of VIP
- the starer gave his consent
- the starer is accidentally on a photo of a building or some such and is to be considered an unimportant minor detail
- the starer is part of a gathering (demonstration, carneval...), and the photo shows more of the gathering than just this person
- the picture is considered a work of art (I have no idea what the criteria are for this one..)

When I came over here first the cannibal trial was in the news and I was worried that the Germans staring at me on the tram were imagining what I would taste like...

oh well, that always happened on me... as I live in Pankow, east Berlin... (is that worst than you?) anyway, even our neighbour stares at me... with the body language of 'scheisse ausländer' and my friend said maybe he wanted to call a police just because I am an Auslander... oh well, I have official visa from marriage... guess he can´t do much too... lol... the worst is, the worker from Wattenfalls swears at me because I can´t speak too much German and said their customer are 99,9% German speaking... anyone here using Wattenfalls service?? anyway, just laugh about it...

Thanks for the reply. Do you have a reference to this law?

Das Recht am eigenen Bild

http://user.cs.tu-berlin.de/~uzadow/recht/raebild.html

§ 23 KUG

Can someone clue me in? I don't know if this is a "German thing" or if it's just the Schwabians that do this.

When I'm on the U-Bahn, reading a book or listening to my iPod, if I look up, there is always someone eyeballing me...just staring at me with some kind of sneer.

I know they have different standards here for what constitutes "rude" behavior, but I can't tell what this is supposed to be about. I want to ask...what are you looking at? Do you know your face is doing that? It's going to freeze that way if you don't stop.

At least when you catch the girls looking you can get a smile sometimes. It's the old geezers that look like they wish they had a Mauser in their hand. What do I need to do to fit in? I'm drawing the line at growing a mullet and putting up a faux hawk before heading to work, that seems to be the style down here

Topics merged by admin

jotok: i live near stuttgart and i get the same thing...i notice it more here than anywhere else. what's worse is my mom and grandma are here visiting so the stares are even worse now, with 2 other southern women and us dressing different. lol. its fun though when you notice someone staring at you to cross your eyes or make a funny face. kinda startles them and they immediatley look away. who cares if they think your retarded. you can get a laugh.

Junebugs, just out of curiosity, how do southern women dress differently?

I think that it is because they have no reason not to stare! It is not illegal. And they are not ashamed of doing it.
Me personally I'd feel funny if I were to stare at someone and get "caught" doing it.

oi yoi...when I came to Germany back in the seventies the staring got on my nerves no end..there was no real reason as my manner of dress and behavior were both absolutely normal.
Now, having done my best to learn to walk after my left leg was chopped off, it is almost impossible not to to respond in some way when virtually every person I encounter is agog at the fact that I am a wobbly walker. Don't tell me that they are staring at my(very cool) kellygreen metallic crutches...maybe they just want to see the show when I finally DO hit the floor. I have asked people "Wollen Sie eine Frage stellen?" or "Ist was?" They usually don't get it...

When I am tired of ambulation and am lucky enough to just roll around in my wheel chair then I get stares, too.
So what point am I trying to make??? They will stare even if if there is nothing worth staring at.

This is great. We should all carry around cameras to snap photos of Germans who stare at us, then combine them for a large coffee table book.

I had not noticed the staring myself until I read through this thread and thought back over the last few months here. I had just presumed I was better looking than the average German and consequently, honored with their adoration. I suppose I should rethink that theory now! That said, I dont feel threatened at all by the staring: I have never had a problem with deciphering a threatening stare and a curious one.

I do find some of the attitudes towards aforementioned staring interesting. Just because something is considered normal in one culture does not mean that it is a universal value that must be adhered to.

Toytown Germany
Bringing you down a peg or two

I think it's because the society top heavy with pensioners and they have nothing to do all day but stare. I noticed it in Hamburg and notice it even more in FF.

Instead of wondering why they stare,
take advantage of the situation and turn off that little voice in your head that has told you not to stare your whole life when you feel like staring maybe..

Sometimes it's fun to look at people. There's nothing complex about it, we just enjoy looking at people. Especially if they are good looking though.. we should be able to look at natural beauty without feeling guilty.

Due to unforeseen circumstances I am forced to use the bus for some time and I get really surprised at all the staring. The odd thing is that the Germans don't stare at each other. Its as if they have a radar which directs them to stare at foreigners only - even those that look sehr Deutsche.

What really sucks is when you have a husband that is like a "pit bull" and when the men stare he gets crazy! I have had to drag him away from an old man in Ikea..lol. How embarrassing!

They do it, get over it eh?

Foreigners are easily detected because they often have something special that attracts the attention of "the Germans" ...

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That;s your only problem then with him? Neanderthals ceased to exist millenia ago.

AsleyM, it's forbidden (verboten) in Germany to insult a Pit Bull

how do you know Germans are staring at you? you must be staring at them to see them staring at you!

Like it...

Haha, I love this topic.
Being German, I had to come across non-German messageboards to become aware of it, but of course you are right, Germans do stare. I feel this is because we regard other people as part of the landscape. We also never feel stared, we are simply not interested in what direction this pieces of human fussgängerzonen outfit might or might not turn their dead eyes. If you really want to confuse us, do the following thing: Make eye contact with the staring person and approach him/her, maybe by agreeing that that's actually a really interesting beard/hair style/skin colour you're having.
The German might look as if he'd just been adressed by the telly.
:-)

I've thought about this before. Still doesn't mean I like it. As my mother always said "it's impolite to stare" ... or as teenage prople say "take a picture, it lasts longer!"

P.S. It's tough to keep up with how many "why do the krauts stare" threads start up on TT.

There certaintly can't be any truth to this, can there? </sarcasm>.

I love it when the Germans stare at me, I get a cheap ego boost .

i once had a whole bunch of germans staring at me after farting in the bus. I think they were jealous of my easy going ways

The Germans were probably staring and wondering how could you be so uncouth ?

let them be. i was on holiday

Happens to me quite often but I think that it might be because I am the only person walking around in open shoes when its 2 degrees oustide!
I just stare back or say something like Hi.

Hmmm... after living here 16 years, and not noticing any undue staring, I tend to think that all the expats complaining about staring are only seeing other expats staring at them , wondering why they are being stared at...