Homesick New Yorker in Mainz

Hi All,

I am an American expat who recently relocated to Mainz from New York City in September 2009. I moved in with my German girlfriend who is in Mainz finishing her Diplom degree. I'm not regretting the move at all but admittedly I am a bit homesick (having serious Manhattan withdrawal) and feel a bit like a fish-out-of-water here in Mainz. While my girlfriend is continuing her existing life here (school, friends, family, ect.) I am having a hard time adjusting to developing my own existence (outside of her) and to make matters worse, I don't speak a word of German. I understand that I need to learn the language a bit and I will but I'm really feeling a bit "left out" when I am in a group of conversational Germans. I dunno, maybe I'm just looking for some encouragement that things will get better (it's not even been two months). I love the country and the lifestyle and want to find my way a bit.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated and thanks in advance!

you're not alone and you're not the first. search (top right side) for stories from other folks who did just as you did. you'll find encouraging words out there.

i've probably written this a thousand times on TT, but I came over while my ex-bf was writing his thesis. once I got here he made it very clear that he would be super, terribly busy and that i had to find my own way because he would not have the time to hold my hand. i had 6 months of german lessons, 4 hours in the morning, afternoos i came home, we had lunch, i did my homework for 2 or so hours. then started meeting my friends from the language school. that saved me because we all had a lot in common and i am still good friends with 3 of those people. he forced me to be independent.

don't wait another moment. get into a language school now!

p.s. what happens when she i finished? what will you do next? my ex couldn't return to the U.S. after grad school in the u.s. because of the 2 year home stay requirement. let's just say, the longer he was away from the u.s., the less and less he wanted to return. i finally dumped him when he said he would never go back to that war-mongering, bush-loving country.

What are you experiencing is typical. Take a language class so you can interact more easily in social environments and gradually get more integrated rather than trying to hang out with other English-speaking expats (at least until your German is better). You might also meet some interesting recent immigrants who can relate to what you are experiencing. Also, take advantage of the cultural events in Frankfurt.

Your GF's friends are actually doing you a favor in the long run by not speaking English with you, but it will take you some time to get used to that.

I had similar feelings when I moved to Australia with my husband. The good thing about it (in hindsight) is that I found out how much I love my family and friends. The worst thing was not having the people around that I had known for years. It is very exciting to move to a new country and meet lots of new people, but this feeling of security you can only have with your longest friends is missing and you can feel very lonely sometimes.

Good luck and don't forget you will certainly be gaining a lot from your experience in the long run.

Well we've left that pretty open ended. I have dual citizenship (I hold both American and French passports) so I am able to live and work anywhere in the European Union. She's definitely open to living in the U.S. but I came to Germany with the attitude that I didn't want to run right back to NYC just because she's done with school. I came here with an open mind wanting to perhaps find a life in Europe since I have ability to do that with my dual citizenship.

1. buck up
2. get in the language class
3. make friends independently from the g/f (always a good move -- the best relationships consist of her life, your life, and your lives together)
4. yankees suck
5. red sox, too

Best of luck!

I am in a very similar situation, and have only been here since August 2009. My girlfriend is finishing up her diploma and I thought it would be great to experience European life for awhile. Luckily my girlfriends friends and family do speak German around me and I can start to pick up some context when they speak German. But I still feel a bit "left out" in a group of German speakers but that was not unexpected. I took an intensive German class for a month (lowest level) and it was a great intro but unfortunately I couldn't continue because I started a fulltime job. Now I just have to learn by making mistakes.

I would say after starting my job I have been feeling better here and meet people through work. Maybe a job would help you feel more settled in? I am not sure if you can get a job in your field without German, I think I may have been fairly lucky in that regard.

So basically, I am in the same boat. Trying to figure out how best to live life to the fullest here.

It's hard to move from NYC! I feel it everyday. I was quite happy when I was in the Goethe Institute out here. They encourage a social life and social interactions with others, unlike the university classes and the lower-level private institutes.

Come to Frankfurt! They don't call it Mainhatten for nothing.

I agree with the advice, get in a language school:

1) you learn the language
2) if its a half day school, with homework, it will keep you off the streets
3) you get a real sense of cameraderie in your class as you could be there with 8 or 9 other people who just arrived, and you end up sharing jokes about trying to get by in a foreign land or a foreign language. Its language learning and support group in one.
Nothing helped me to settle in, the way my language school did for me.

I'm in a similar boat, having moved here in August after graduating from Upenn to be with my German Boyfriend. But i was lucky to have been able to study German for a year prior to coming here.

My advice is as follows:
(1) Language class. See above for everyone else's advice.
(2) Join a gym or a sports team or a pool. It's a great way to meet people who have a similar interest, and when people see you publicly floundering with German, you will attract other english speakers. I've met a few people by clearly being unable to communicate in German.
(3) Find the US military peeps. They are usually easy to spot, and they generally want non US-military friends. PLUS, if you successfully befriend some of them, they can get you precious American food items like Tostitos Lime Tortilla Chips and Dr. Pepper.
(4) Stream american television shows online. Message me if you want some helpful websites.

Where do you live in Mainz? My boyfriend is originally from there, so we get back there frequently.

-Nina

Go to meetups in Frankfurt -- there's a whole forum section of them.

Once you see how it goes, organize your own meetups in Mainz.

http://www.toytowngermany.com/wiki/How_to_organise_an_event

I'd avoid this temptation. ID card holders can get in an unbelievable amount of trouble even over something as innocuous as a bag of Cheetos.

Otherwise we'll see you at the Wiesbaden meetup coming soon.

But what do you really miss? What did you used to do and not able to do here? You did bring your mind here don't forget

I must say to learn German you need a life time and a very strong will.. after certain age one need lost of motivation too.. I am am agreeing with all people who say LEARN but well it is very hard to master it so that you can project your personality and be your self again so quickly - it not so easy.. so its life time pursuit..

Do you work here? Perhaps make friends from there...

I fell the same about London but I did go for a holiday and after all I felt that it did not matter anymore.. I am who I am where ever I am ... just have to get everybody else in the same wave length hehehe not to other way around - as language is one aspect in mingling into the society BUT finding those who is WORTH mingling with is the difficulty where ever you live..

so have to think what do you really want?

I lived in New York for 15 years before moving to Germany. Actually, I think it's tough to move anywhere after living in Manhattan or going to the aforementioned university.

I've found that being so close via short, cheap flights (or even driving) to London helps cushion the blow over here. I often think that Tokyo, Seoul, Taipei or even Singapore would be tougher because Hong Kong is the closest places to recharge one's world-city batteries.

I haven't yet sussed how to effectively deal with the homesickness myself. Learning the language is very, very frustrating; one gives a tight, well-prepared half-hour speech in German from notes, and the best one can expect is a sneered "oh, you are trying to learn German." Secret handshake club and all that. Let 'em have their cheap thrills, because it's sadly often about all most of them have.

Chin up. You'll have great war stories for later in life, or perhaps even a book.