Favourite quotes from The Simpsons

Marge: Homer the plant called. They say if you do not come in Friday do not come in Monday.

Homer: Woo-hoo! Four day weekend!

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.
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Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.
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Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
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Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!

Homer: Now I know how God must feel when he holds a gun.

HMMM! Floor Pie! (drooling on on the pie dropped on the floor)

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.
Sorry DW, was posting at the same time...

Lenny: Ah, my eye! My doctor said I wasn't supposed to get pudding in it.

Bart: So, any idea where this bastard lives?
Homer: Bart!
Bart: Well his parents aren't married are they? It's the correct word isn't it?
Homer: I guess he's got us there
Bart: Bastard Bastard, Bastard Bastard, Bastard Bastard.

Marge: Homer, he's not going to get tired, you have to hit back!
Homer: The cactus is right.

Homer: I've found a meal between breakfast and brunch.

Lamb to Lisa: Li-i-i-sa, don't ea-ea-eat me...

Homer: I can't stay mad at you, sandwich.

Homer: It's still good! It's still good!

Homer: Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

Troy McClure: You may remember me from such documentaries as "One Minus Two Equals Negative Fun".

"Dad, my heart hurts."
"Shut up and butter your bacon."

Homer: Ah, beer. The solution to -- and cause of -- all of life's problems.

"mmmm 64 slices of American Cheese aaarrrggh.."

that and the one where hes looking for peanuts in the couch but finds money instead. ..."money, doh! but wait money can be used to buy goods and services.." something like that...

"I'm a people person... who drinks"

Edit: I'm afraid to start a family guy quote thread... I seriously think I could go an entire day speaking just family guy quotes...

Scorpio: So long, suckers! Homer, have you ever seen a man say goodbye to a pair of slippers?

Homer: Yes, once.

Homer: It'll be great to see the old gang again. Potsie, Ralph Malph, the Fonz.
Marge: That wasn't you, that was "Happy Days"! ...

Lisa to Marge as they witness Homer chasing a a green Bart through the living room

"Mom. I think Bart is stupid again"

Marge: Homer, you remember your promise to the kids.

Homer: Sure I do. When you're 18, you're out the door!!

Homer: I think I brained my damage!

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?

Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.

"Is that a garbage bag you are wearing?"

Homer: I have mislaid my pants

Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.

Bart: Right, the leprechaun.

Ralph: He told me to burn things

Ralph: Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers

Homer
Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! (slams the door, then put his head back round) Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic.

Homer: 'JUMANJI!!'

Homer: Oh, doesn't anything from the movies work?

when Homer gets sent to do missionary work on a pacific island...he ruins the place by introducing them to alcohol and gambling - he gets them to build the gigantic grass casino hut.

he's wearing a grass skirt singing: "you put the beer in the coconut and shake it all around, you put the beer in the coconut and shake it all around..."

The All Time Classic:

Homer: No TV and no Beer make Homer something something...

Marge: Go Mad?

Don't Mind if I do!!

Homer: I am so smart, S.M.R.T.

You don't win friends with salad!

photographer: Mr Simpson do you have problem being nude?
Homer: No but the neighberhood association does.
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Bart: Millhouse we are living in the age of cooties.
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In reference to dogs
Mr Burns: What you think of me if I came sniffing at your crotch each time you came aroubnd?
Smithers : If you did it sir?(dreaming with a smile)

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

Homer: Lisa tell about Germans.
Lisa: They are a model country
Homer: Because we give them money right?
Lisa: No! because they are effecient and hard working:
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(same episode)
Homer at Moes
Homer :let me buy you guys a beer.
German guys: How do i say this, my english is very bad, this beer is not good enough for a swine.

The Homer Simpson Beer song - sung to Do a deer

Do...the stuff that buys the beer
Ray, the guy who sells me beer
Me, the one who drinks the beer
Fa, The distance to my beer
So, I'll have another beer
La, la la la la la beer
Tee, no thanks I'm drinking beer
Which will bring us back to Doh!

' When I was 17, I drank my very first beer
I drank my very first beer.
It was a very good beer
I purchased with a fake ID
My name was Brian McGee
I stayed up listening to Queen
When I was 17...'

homer at musuem
Homer: Matt Groening what did he ever do?

Marge: everyone has a fear of something.
Homer: not everyone.
Marge: SOCK PUPPETS!
Homer: (scared) WHERE, WHERE, AHHH!!!

LOL

Mr.Burns - "Smithers, kill these Rolling Stones"
Smithers - "But sr., they are the Ramon..."
Mr. Burns - "It doesn't matter, kill these Rolling Stones"

Billy Corgan: Hi Homer, Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.

Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely.

Superintendent Chalmers: What is that BURNING in your KITCHEN?!

Principle Skinner: Oh, that? Uhm. That is nothing. It is...Aurora Borealis.

Superintendent Chalmers: Aurora Borealis??!! Localized? In your KITCHEN?!?!

Principle Skinner: Yup.

@ Otic

You forgot:

Superintendent Chalmers: Can I see it?

@ DW

You are right!

Mr. Burns: You're fired.
Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off of you.
Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.

Just give the great unwashed a pair of oversized breasts and a happy ending, and they'll 'oink' for more every time.

Ralf: "I bent my wookie"

Marge: Well, I'm glad you changed your name back to Homer Simpson.
Homer: Yes, I learned you gotta be yourself. Good night, honey.
Marge: Good night.
[Homer flips off the lamp, but then flips it back on]
Homer: Oh, I almost forgot. While I was at the courthouse I had them change your name.
Marge: To what?
Homer: Chesty La Rue.
Marge: Chesty La Rue?!
Homer: Just try it for two weeks! If you're not completely satisfied, you can be Busty St. Claire.
Marge: I don't want to be Chesty La Rue, or Busty St. Claire!
Homer: Fine, Hootie McBoob it is.
Marge: Good night, Homer.
[Marge reaches over and turns off the lamp]
Homer: Sleep tight, Hootie.
Marge: Let go of those!

Ralph: Ms. Hoover, my worm fell in my mouth, and then I ate it. Can I have another one?

Ralph: It tastes like... Burning

Ralph: This snowflake tastes like fishsticks.

Ralph: (Pointing at Homer) Mommy has bosoms like that.

Ralph: At home, we call them 'oh-oh's'.

The classic Ralph line
"my cat's breathe smells like cat food"
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I am glad someelse remebered the Max Steele episode

Marge: Homer wnat about your name on my "you know what?"
Homer: Oh Marge they have acids to burn that off
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Homer: Lisa today made this perpetual motion and it wont stop!

Burns: "Since the beginning of time man has yearned to destroy the sun."

Smithers response: "... owls will deafen us with incessant hooting...the town's sundial will be useless."

FYI, if you find that you still manage to get work done in spite of Toytown, just waste some time here: SNPP

Off tangent a bit but I have the Simpsons seasons II,III,and Iv on dvd. Will be willing to temporalrily trade them for some Family guy DVDs.

@perdido: You missed the two best lines from that episode

Homer: Lisa: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

Jasper: Talking out of turn? That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window? That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals? That's a padddlin'. Paddling the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

(Edited the first one, it's Homer talking to Lisa)

Troy McClure: You may remember me from:

...such nature films as "Earwigs: Ewwww" and "Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory."

...such educational films as "Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly," and "Here Comes the Metric System!"

...such self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!"

@benpanter your are right ! Classic lines LOL
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Bartt to grandpa : Didnt you wonder why you got a check for nothing?
Grandpa: I thought the democrats were back in the white House.
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And the whole episode about Homer VS George Bush!

Wow my first topic starter and 657 views ...Oh well ..when you do not have a "job" it is these little victories that matter the most.

" I'm ok with being unimpressive, I sleep better"

"Oh Margie, you came and you found me a turkey, on my vacation away from workie"