How to survive children's birthday parties - Germany

Wrong then,

It's about four and a half hours to the big event and I am dreading it. Seven hyper kids screaming at the top of their voices, throwing stuff and popping balloons, blowing those awful Seifenblasen which land on the tile floor and make a slippery spot on which one's foot invariably lands. A CD of German's children's songs with awful music on it (can't the Germans get any ideas off Cbeebies?) and general chaos and mess.

Jimmy Perry and David Croft wrote wonderful characters in their comedies like Hi de Hi and Ain't Half Hot Mum. One of them was on Hi de hi and was a creation of genius - the Punch and Judy man who hated children and was always doing the shows pissed. Anyone remember that? I can totally relate.

At least it's our own birthday. Once a year I have to sit in McD's by an Autobahn in a concrete and steel jungle, resisting attempts to punch Ronald McDonald and grimacing through my Happy Meal.

It's times like this I really need the spiritual insights of Jimbo and The Don. Can someone help me spit my coffee all over my monitor?

this latest episode of desperate housewives (yes, I indulge in this regularly. i think some of the dialogue is witty.) had gabi hosting a birthday party for her 7 year old. she sat with one of the other moms and drank margaritas while a sleep-deprived monkey attacked a clown and scared all the kids off.

(i have no kids but i probably would meditate for an hour beforehand and psychologically prepare myself. i do this if i need to go into town on saturdays. it helps keep me calm.)

Just sit back and enjoy it - they're only young once. And there's no law that says you can't have a beer while they're guzzling bug juice.


Neil's first Halloween costume

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Oh yes there is! It's called The Law of The Wife!

If beer is verboten then switch to rum and Coke or similar.

Vodka and OJ ...in the end you may be pleasantly surprised, if you go there thinking disaster then that’s going to happen...positive energy...works every time.

Just imagine, crucifying the loudest kids to the pleasure of the others. And sneak in some beer. At least for the kids.

Breaking news yesterday was that one may not attend. That means one cake less to bake.

Is that all? One day and four and a half hours until 13 kids show up for a combined birthday/Halloween party here as Case Eurovol. My advice: have stuff for them to do already planned! Good luck!

No worries Vol all the cakes are made etc. Packs of surprise shit all made up ready. Just a pile of stress in prospect. We're ready for The Big Mess.

Hmmm. That vaguely yellow fizzy drink you get in the opaque cup will have to be "apple spritzer" then, if anyone asks.

Mine's too young (not quite 2-1/2) for any real activities so far, but when my sister-in-law was a single mom, we always used to take my nephew and his friends bowling, to the movies, etc. and then to an unhealthy meal someplace. Anything, really, as long as it's outside of your house/flat and you give them the chance to run themselves ragged. If you're in shape, do the manly man thing and spin them around/throw them up in the air/hang them upside down until they get nosebleeds. Let them climb all over you. Kids love that.

Awww jeremy, you should have timed it better and had the sprog during the summer then you could have loads of fun with the kids!

Kids parties rock!

How big is your garden? It's not too cold to put them outside for a while in their coats and hats with the Seifenblasen. I always found a treasure hunt in the garden kept them busy for a while.

One year we took a group of fourteen 5-7 year olds to a museum on the tram in the snow. It was worth it just to see the look on the other passengers faces when we got on. (If you ever do something like that they best way to organise it is get some extra adults involved and allocate 4 children to each adult.)

I always put a bottle of Sekt in the fridge to drink after all the young guests have left - to celebrate surviving another year and another party.

Well i have to thank Elfenstar as her advice was sound. I did just that, simply ten minutes going through my progressive relaxation. I've been doing it on and off since June, along with running. I found an MP3 on the Net if anyone's interested. 

Be a couple of quiet beers later tonight to wind down after such a day. Thanks Elf you are a sweetie!