Happy international marriages - Germany

An interesting topic was started I believe in 2007 entitled "Happy Marriages." This post is somewhat a continuation of that topic but with an added twist or new element. I would be interested in the marriages between German born women to American born men, how many or what percentage of these marriages have survived and still can be called "happy" or a better word would be truly "in love" and have not become stangers even though still legally married and living in the same house.

What do you hope to learn from your survey, 1texan? One suspects an ulterior motive, since your question is so specific.

Yes, there is a reason for my post. But it would take too long to explain. The shorter version is that after many years married to a German lady and I being an American, I have concluded that I was right at the beginning of our relationship by thinking that she was and is from a higher class and I from a lower class. This is not in any way laying blame but trying to objectively view and understand why our marriage has and is suffering.

What do you mean by higher or lower class? She earns more money? She likes to wear fancy clothes, you like jeans and t-shirt? She likes opera, you like youtube?

OP- since your nationality and hers isn't the underlying issue, it's rather strange that you started this thread.

While communicating through the media of writing, it is difficult to clearly explain and easy to be misunderstood. In no way was I using or writing this post or expressing my comments for the purpose of being critical of my wife. My wife is one of the finest ladies ever to walk on this earth and in her autumn years of life is still a very beautiful blonde blue eyed petite woman. She loves her children and grandchildren dearly and would sacrifice for their good. I was only trying to step back objectively and understand why after so many years our marriage has drifted apart. Very quickly I can identify the one main root cause by looking in the mirror. At the same time I honestly believe part of the reason she came from a family and background of quality or as I have expressed as higher class (not the stuffy kind of upper class people)than I did and this difference, again no blame to her, over the years has played a role that has hurt our marriage relationship or better expressed, has hurt her. She rightfully had and still does have expectations of me that I have not met and the unfortunate result is that she is not benefiting from a marriage relationship that meets her expectations and needs.

But again, what does that have to do with your nationalities? That could happen in any marriage when one person feels that he or she has married "below his/her station".

I can see cultural differances but the class thing is odd. Or do you and not to be mean suffer from some sort of confidence issue?

Do you consider Germans in general to be of a higher class than Americans? If not then I don't see what one has to do with the other, you would have the same issues with an American of higher class than you.

I'm guessing it's the old American suspicion that somehow Western Europeans are higher class than Americans by definition.

Seek therapy, 1texan, either alone or as a couple. I'm worried that you are suffering from depression. Failing to live up to another's expectations is not a reasonable simple explanation for a marriage to break up.

Because Americans eat with their fork in their right hand?

Oh, it's more than that, gaberlunzi. It's the whole "cut and switch" thing that results from eating with one's fork in one's right hand.

When a german pays for my meal then I will let them decide how I eat. Nah Im lying I still wouldnt let them tell me how to eat my meal. And yeah I eat pizza with my hand

Maybe he is writing because there might be a cultural edge to it. Would an American woman more easily adjust to a different level of "class"? Maybe a German one would not? I have read all the guys talk about their German girlfriends as being less flexible and more in control, so maybe he is just trying to figure out if culture is playing a role in this or if she just can't get past the difference levels regardless of Nationality.

which is what shoots the prices of goods with e.g. French names in the US.

I have a doubt that the culture thing comes from the wife. I notice that anything my German friends or colleagues can't articulate, or are afraid to be seen as rude, they say "it's cultural differences" in such a way that it makes you question yourself and your culture.