Should I choose Germany or my woman?

Yawn... Gooey Girl Speak... The OP is a Guy, so should man-up and make a choice already.

MMMMMmmmmnnnnnn...

My advice would be to make a decision either way as your current solution of sitting around with your finger up your arse will only give you piles.
Blunt, but true.

He is American. "Piles" to him evoke images of loads of trash (rubbish), heaps of dirt, etc.

I think if you have to come on a forum to ask whether or not you should marry someone, you already know the answer.

If you marry her and do not come to Germany, you will enter this marriage with a tiny, little resentment and this resentment will grow and fester, until such time as you finally decide to divorce.

Pretend you are on your death bed. Someone asks you what your regrets are. There you also will find your answer.

Chocky:
'I came here for a German woman, we split up, now I don't know what the fuck i'm doing here'.

You should start a support group.

People certainly have different priorities when they are 30 and when they are 40 as someone mentioned earlier. So it was good that OP highlighted her age for we know, the change might not be too positive for her as it might be for him.

@OP: I am the kind who thinks 'out of the box' and tries to kill two birds with one stone . Perhaps you should think of ways of being both in California and Germany like so many other people in the world who have a career spanning continents. Ask Mlovett

Wondering if you are really better off after posting here!!

I agree with you though. Sorry IPJ, but you sound a little like those smug 'none of you know real love like I know' people with the above post. Maybe you're right, real love (whatever that is) is a uniform emotion (but can you really believe that?) like the other examples you give... happiness...? You think everyone feels happiness in exactly the same way?

Actually I won't even make a counterpoint, I can't see what yours could be. Love comes in all forms and intensities.

I said nothing of the sort, nor did I intend it, so stop making silly assumptions. I don't know what your relationship is like or anyone else's on this thread, so I don't make any claims about them. I do know lots and lots of people who think the same way I do about love. Love is by no means rare, but it is very distinct. If you're willing to just walk away from a relationship to live in another country, then it's not love.

Yes, I think everyone feels happiness the same way. Of course, it varies in intensity, but the overall physiological and emotional effects are pretty much the same; otherwise, we wouldn't know what the hell we were talking about when we discussed happiness, would we?

Fair enough - perhaps I read your post too quickly... it was all in the 'I know real love, lots of people don't' type comments.

Don't know if it's as clear as you say though. His love for a country and way of life is just as valid as his love for a woman.

maybe we don't know
http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2007/...stop-using-now/

My advice - So many women, so little time.

Apart from the comment that she would really prefer California you haven't said much about how she feels in this situation. She has parents who are getting on in years and maybe she doesn't feel able to take the plunge and live in Europe but would she find it easy to end the relationship. Did she know from the start that you have been considering living in Germany again and has she spent four years with you knowing that could happen?

Wonder if the lady is aware of this conflict?? .... if my man were "mulling it over" like this I would help him pack his bags. Choose Germany. You don't love her more than things and a lifestyle or you would not be wondering. Do both of you a favor, move here and at least get it out of your system.

I have to say that I'm in a similar situation myself, being the same age (29), having moved to Germany 6 months ago and with a girlfriend back in the UK. It may seem like a tough choice at the moment, however I believe you already know what you want to do. The real difficulty is having to face the fallout once you have made your decision known, as no doubt you will have to contend with the 'wailing and gnashing of teeth' of her friends and family, as well as the pain of the break-up itself and the ensuing feelings of guilt. However, think of it as being like ripping a plaster off - temporarily painful, but necessary. It will hurt at the time, but ultimately you will feel a good deal better.

Good luck, and I hope this helps.