Amusing German personals advert

I often look at the ads in the local paper for people who are looking for a husband/wife. I don't need one myself but find the idea of looking for one in a newsparer fascinating. I found this one in The Badische Zeitung (a newspaper that serves Baden). It's in German. (I've left out the umlaute)

ER SUCHT SIE

"Moge meine zukunftige Frau 28 bis 32 Zahne haben and zwishen 18 und 37 Jahre sein, rein, sauber, Moslem, evtl. spirituell, deutsch (oder deutsch lesen und schreiben konnen), Fuhrerschein KL. III, humorvoll, liebevoll, friedvoll, ruhig, treu. Sie soll Islamische Mediation mogen und die Natur lieben und pflegen, NR, NT, offen, modern, mehr Sein als Schein, nicht over eater, nicht sexsuchtig, nicht reisesuctig, nicht fernsehsuchtig, nicht kaffeesuchtig, nicht teesuchtig, nicht tabletten suchtig, nicht drogensuchtig. Sie sollte eine Neigung zum sternzeichen Lowen haben und willig sein mit mir zusammen zu leben, intelligent, ehrlich sein, eine gute hausfrau sein, sie sollte keine Putzteufel sein, nicht lesesuchtig, nicht Arztebesuchsuchtig, sie sollte mir erlauben, in die Moschee zu gehen und mogen wir den heiligen Koran zusammen lesen, mogen wir zusammen das Nimaz beten. Sie sollte Katzen lieben"

The ad. must have cost a fortune. Wonder if he found anyone?

Well, he knows what he wants. That's a start at least.

It would be nice if you could translate it so that some could understand it completely
I do understand almost all of it but some may not.

I just want to know what 'NT' stands for? NR = Nicht Raucher, so NT would be... Nicht Taucher? Nicht Tochter? (better that) Nicht Teuer? Nicht Taub? hmm

nicht sexsuchtig

"sie sollte mir erlauben, in die Moschee zu gehen und mogen wir den heiligen Koran zusammen lesen"...it's a windup

NT : Nicht Trinker ?

The amazing thing is he threw the word "modern" among the mix.
Wonder what his definition of modern is.

NT = Nicht Trinker I would guess
Quick translation:
"Would like my furture wife to have between 28 and 32 teeth, be aged between 18 & 37, pure, clean, Muslim, possibly spiritually inclined, German (or can read and write German), have a full driver's licence, funny, loving, peaceful, quiet, faithful. She should like Islamic meditation and love and care for nature, non-smoker, teetotal, open, modern, be real, not an over-eater, not addicted to: sex, travel, TV, coffee, tea, tablets or drugs. She should be attracted to Leos and willing to live with me, be clever, truthful, smart, good at housekeeping but not a cleaning obsessive, not be addicted to reading or going to the doctor's. She should let me visit the mosque, we should be able to read the Holy Koran together and to pray the Nimaz. She should love cats."
He wants the moon on a stick then.

Bloody toothist! What about all those poor women with 27 or 33 teeth?

Sounds like a reasonable man. So any TT takers?

LOL I thought "Moschee" was something rather different... (but also a place of worship)

Many TTMers will fulfil the teeth and age conditions, but after that bit, it is all downhill...

Translation (more or less)

My future wife should have:

between 28 & 32 teeth
be between 18 and 37 years old
be pure, clean, moslim, spiritual
should be German (or be able to read & write German)
driving Licence class III
Good sense of humour, loving, peaceful, quiet, faithful
like islamic mediation, and nature
Non-smoker, non-drinker
more 'real' than just 'appearance'
not an overeater, not sex addicted, not travel addicted, TV addicted, coffee, tea addicted, tablette or drug addicted.
Should have a tendency towards starsign Leo
Intelligent, honest, a good housewife but not a 'cleaning devil'
not reading addicted,not visiting the doctor addicted
Should allow me to go the the Mosque and read the holy Koran together and pray the Nimaz together

Finally, she should love cats

Damn,

I didn't notice Katrina's translation

reminds me a bit of Kza's post from the other day ('cept this guy didn't specify tit size...)

Well you know, if your after a quick shag, most of us will poke anything with a minge (except TTers ) . But full marks to this guy, hes obviously looking for someone special, to be with forever, and like me, knows that making compromises will only lead to future heartache. His parents are probably divorced too like mine and doesnt want to make the same mistakes.

I bet he finds what he is looking for too.. I know If I was a muslim dad with daughters at home, I would cut the ad out and stick it on the fridge..

Really? And what if she aquired one of those forbidden qualities (sex, food, tv, reading etc) after the marriage? Would you be happy if he kicked her out?

I know reading could be bad for a woman but still...

Popcorn ? check
Coke ? Check
Reclining chair ? Check

Ready

Doesn't it strike anyone else as awful that the ad-placer didn't mention what he had to offer in one single instance? I hope the friggin' egotist rots alone. May his cats eat him before anyone notices he's dead.

Clearly he's a reasonable man and as Kza says is not prepared to settle...surely they're admirable attributes ? He's also not vapid as he doesnt say stuff like "must be athletic/pretty/etc." or even send a picture... for this guy personality is what counts...that's rare.

And the teeth. Do not forget the teeth. 28 to 32...very important. Teeth.

How do you know? After he narrowed down his responses how do you know he wouldn't ask for pictures for the final elimination round?

Dear ----, I like your personality and your willingness to become my slave. Now lets see some of those ass and boob shots

@KAT: Surely if he were to list off all the attributes he rates highly in himself, that would in fact seem more egotistical? And I think its safe to assume the most of the attributes he considers important DO in fact give a good impression of what his personal qualities are.

I woulda thought the whole "not reading addicted,not visiting the doctor addicted" woulda weeded out half the uglies anyway

EDIT: @ Kza - exactly --- women want it both ways... "People tell me I'm attractive" = My Mum...

Well the ad placer is specific but at least it cuts out time-wasters.
I wonder how flexible he is - suppose he finds the woman that has everything he is looking for except she is a dog person. Tricky.

I personally think that he'll be in a supermarket and his eyes will meet another pair of eyes across the veggies.
And then there will be none of this list malarkey.
From what he's looking for, he sounds like this:
Probably aged about 34, Muslim, spiritual, probably a bit of a hippy (spiritual, cats), quiet, home-lover, possibly not all that educated (fear of books apart from Koran), into healthy living (no smoking, restrictions on coffee and tea etc.)
It also sounds like he's taken all of the attributes (which he did not like and which annoyed him) of his last girlfriend and made them into kick-out criteria for the new one.
Hope he finds someone though.

Well, one thing is for sure. He has plenty of time on his hands.

And money, to afford such a large ad.

Aye, or the U-Bahn (I just hope hes white or he might get peppersprayed) after all he probably doesnt drink so skeezing in the clubs is off the cards (hell its cheesy and cliche enough even for drinkers!)... Hence the ad in the first place I guess...

How else does one form an idea of what one likes and dislikes, if not from experience?

Well, he is saving enough by not doing things most of us do

hmmph! I bet he's 52 and more hirsute than a gorilla (except on his head). He chain-smokes when he's out drinking with his buddies, but finds this unattractive in a woman, and besides, how is she going to smoke, read, or drink when she's wearing the burka he'll insist on? He hasn't got a healthy tooth in his head. His toenails are 6 inches long. He'll chant Koran passages while he's beating her. Need I go on?

You can tell Kats been stung in the past! Go on, answer the ad... We can tell you want to...

"Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it. Bitterness paralyzes life; love empowers it. Bitterness sours life; love sweetens it. Bitterness sickens life; love heals it. Bitterness blinds life; love anoints its eyes."
~ Harry Emerson Fosdick

Think you're wrong there - if he was like that, wouldn't he have gotten a wife through contacts at the mosque? Nah, he's different so is doing things different.

Stick it where the sun don't shine, Harry

And we don't, discussing this?

yeah but we are having quality time aren't we?

I can only pray he's got sisters

Heck sometime browse some of the ads on craigslist, Yahoo! Personals, etc and see the demands American women make this guy look like he's not asking for enough... "I want my Prince, well educated, finanically secure, fit, attractive, yada, yada, yada... What I have to offer - a pulse and asounding ability to max out any credit card"

I'd love to see a reality show where a gal like that goes on a date with a guy like this

I'm betting that the add was placed by the guy's mother. It's a laundry list of things a future daughter should NOT be - definately a woman's perspective.

oh, and what about being able to cook? and do the laundry?

Good point. or may be he figured if they are not spending that much energy doing things or going out then there is no need to eat much or wash clothes?

I want to know if he's going to count teeth on the first date . . .

They used to do that when considering buying slaves. I think they still do for horses.