Being in a relationship with a bipolar

My ex boyfriend is Bipolar, (actually i dont even know if we are separated or not) we have been on and off many times because his condition made our relationship hard, especially for me, it was an emotional rollercoster. i tried almost everything to make it work. we are still in contact once in a while and i still have feelings for him but trying to move on definately because i know if i stay or get back with him i will drag my life (what i want to do or be,achieve career) and wont be constructive because all the focus and energy will be on him.

Anyone who has a similar experience with a spouse, a family member a friend, share it:-) would be very helpful

SONG.

The relationship mimiced the Henry Rollins song Liar

you think you're gonna to live your life alone
in darkness
and seclusion
yeah I know
you've been out there
tried to mix with those animals
and it just left you full of humiliated confusion
so you stagger back home
and wait for nothing
but the solitary refinement of your room spits you back out onto the street
and now you're desperate
and in need of human contact
and then
you meet me
and you whole world changes
because everything I say is everything you've ever wanted to hear
so you drop all your defenses and you drop all your fears
and you trust me completely
I'm perfect
in every way
cause I make you feel so strong and so powerful inside
you feel so lucky
but your ego obscures reality
and you never bother to wonder why
things are going so well
you wanna know why?
cause I'm a liar
yeah I'm a liar
I'll tear your mind out
I'll burn your soul
I'll turn you into me
I'll turn you into me
cause I'm a liar, a liar
a liar, a liar

I'll hide behind a smile
and understanding eyes
and I'll tell you things that you already know
so you can say
I really identify with you, so much
and all the time that you're needing me
is just the time that I'm bleeding you
don't you get it yet?
I'll come to you like an affliction
and I'll leave you like an addiction
you'll never forget me
you wanna know why?
cause I'm a liar
yeah I'm a liar
I'll rip your mind out
I'll burn your soul
I'll turn you into me
I'll turn you into me
cause I'm a liar, a liar
liar, liar, liar, liar

I don't know why I feel the need to lie
and cause you so much pain
maybe it's something inside
maybe it's something I can't explain
cause all I do
is mess you up and lie to you
I'm a liar
oh, I am a liar

if you'll give me one more chance
I swear that I will never lie to you again
because now I see the destructive power of a lie
they're stronger than truth
I can't believe I ever hurt you
I swear
I will never to you lie again, please
just give me one more chance
I will never lie to you again
I swear
that I will never tell a lie
I will never tell a lie
no, no
ha ha ha ha ha hah haa haa haa haaa
sucker
sucker!
oh, sucker
I am a liar
yeah, I am a liar
yeah I like it
I feel good
ohh I am a liar
yeah
I lie
I lie
I lie
oh, I lie
oh I lie
I lie
yeah
ohhh I'm a liar
I lie
yeah
I like it
I feel good
I'll lie again
and again
I'll lie again and again
and I'll keep lying
I promise

The only good thing I can say come out of it that I can see a bipolar person right away now so if it's a bipolar women looking for a relationship I run the other way. Got this from this site http://www.topix.com/forum/health/bipolar-...LGVBV7HERK1R46K

I know of a guy got into trouble for having a physical relationship with a horse, but a bear? Two must be ever so dangerous.

My best friend almost got married to her bi polar fiancé but she left him in the end. Sorry it's not good news!

Shut up. I love you. Die asshole. What's for dinner?

it rarely is.

Yeah dated not one but two. It is tough and unless , and I apologise before hand, your desperate or have a great trait of preserverence it will be almost impossible.

What does that mean? Bipolar?

Extremes of depression and elation.

Bipolar

Bipolar disorder, as posted above, also known as manic depression.

Bi-polar is also called manic-depression. We all have mood swings. One day we are feeling a little happier, then a few days later we wake up feeling a bit down. Very normal and nothing to worry about. But! When those mood swings go out to the extremes, then there's usually some sort of chemical inbalance in the brain that causes a person's body to be unable to regulate those swings and keep them within the "norm".

Medication helps, but most bi-polar folks have real trouble staying on their medication. There's a really good reason for that. Imagine that you get a wonderful feeling of being high. For days you don't need much sleep, have tons of energy, feel creative and excited. Why the heck would you want to take meds to bring you down from this fantastic, natural, no illegal drugs needed high? But then comes the crash. The body just can't take being on such a high for a long period of time. So the person becomes depressed and may just sleep for a week, barely getting out of bed to go to the bathroom or grab a snack.

Usual cycle is that a person will go to one extreme or the other, then land up in hospital for a mandatory short stay. They'll be put on drugs, and then let go. After a while they stop taking their medicine, go up or down to an extreme again, and land up in hospital. It's a very bumpy road and may take many, many years before the person finally admits that they have a life-long problem which will require constant regular monitoring and daily medication.

Very few relationships survive the long run unless it is a blood relationship (family member).

edit: a book I would recommend is When Someone You Love Has a Mental Illness: A Handbook for Family, Friends and Caregivers by Rebecca Woolis

Those charming Machiavellian bipolar highly intelligent types with aggressive tendencies that manage to manipulate people with lies are the ones to fear.
If these ones get their hooks in you- you are totally fucked - bigtime. The only way out is death. Which one of you is your choice.

[quote name='perdido' date='Mar 6 2009, 3:24 pm' post='1575489']
Yeah dated not one but two. It is tough and unless , and I apologise before hand, your desperate or have a great trait of preserverence it will be almost impossible.
[/quote

Two!!, that must have been tough, perdido, i dont know what they do but they have a great force in pulling you back, maybe its because we feel they need us to be there for them and guilty if we leave because it sounds like being abandoned. Then after loving them, its hard to leave also because they have constant ideas about suicide and you wont want anything bad to happen to them, thinking that they may harm themselves if you leave.. so you just stay on

'believed that if I showed him love and care everything would be alright'

'He would call everday atleast but at times can dissapear for a whole week without a word, not picking up, no replying mails, voice mails, then one day shows up like nothing happened'

' took a very long break from work until now, so no financial stability...but the good thing is that he went to a psychiatrist'

' i heard that the medication they are given dont have 100% possibility that it could be working, sometimes it makes things worse, leading to murders, suicide'

keep posting your experinces, its good to know that i was not alone:-)

My ex isn't exactly bipolar, more a Dementor. He was constantly moody, mopy and unresponsive; he even went so far as to resent my acting happy and joking with the kids and being in a good mood when he wasn't. So I moved on while I still had some happiness left.

Don't think that your love and committment will "cure" your partner or even be much help. They might keep you going but you won't change him/her.

I am really close friends with a couple, and both of them are bipolar. I think they are perfect for each other, probably because they know what to expect. They're both on medication for it, as far as I know. It's really interesting because the guy is just the most amazing musician, and when he plays the drums for us, I can tell that that's where he takes out a lot of his aggression... he can jam for hours and it never gets old watching him. It's the same when he plays piano and guitar, too.
I'm sure I haven't been much help, but as far as I can tell, maybe the only people who can handle being in a relationship with a bipolar person, is another bipolar person. Then again, I don't know much about it.. that's just my personal experience with it.

He was not my boyfriend, but a very good friend of mine was bipolar. He was ok when he was on his meds... but went off of them for too long and ended up committing suicide, shortly after marrying. very sad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVh9B1RZ75M

a video on youtube.

I learned the hardway sarahbyrd, but atleast its not too late. True reality you cannot change them
chemical imbalance will forever be there.

Bipa 'Very few relationships survive the long run unless it is a blood relationship (family member)'

Mlovett

Thats what scares me, i am thinking what if he comits suicide one day, then i become a widow, kids without a father, Living with the Trauma... scary.it sounds selfish, but sometimes i thought i have a choice to avoid all this from happening and thats by leaving.
sorry for your loss:-l

Common signs and symptoms of mania include:

Feeling unusually “high” and optimistic OR extremely irritable
-Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs about one’s abilities or powers
-Sleeping very little, but feeling extremely energetic
-Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up
-Racing thoughts; jumping quickly from one idea to the next
-Highly distractible, unable to concentrate
-Impaired judgment and impulsiveness
-Acting recklessly without thinking about the consequences
-Delusions and hallucinations (in severe cases)

Common symptoms of bipolar depression include:

-Feeling hopeless, sad, or empty.
-Irritability
-Inability to experience pleasure
-Fatigue or loss of energy
-Physical and mental sluggishness
-Appetite or weight changes
-Sleep problems
-Concentration and memory problems
-Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
-Thoughts of death or suicide

Is lying necessarily a bipolar trait? I thought that was sociopaths and narcissists.

Becoming a widow isn't the worst. Having to deal with the day-to-day problems, being the main bread-winner, having to deal with police, social workers, hospitals, neighbours, friends, husband's work collegues, periods of spouse's unemployment or sick leave, getting the children to understand why there's a stranger taking over daddy's body ... that's the hard part.

As a child of a bipolar parent (my mom), I have to say you better think loooong and hard before having children with a bipolar person. It was one hell of a way to grow up, and I am still affected by it in my life now. My mom attempted suicide at least a dozen times while I was growing up, and I can tell you that kind of thing leaves deep scars, not to mention the utter unpredictability of every moment of my childhood years. IMO, it would be criminally negligent to willfully bring a child into the world with a bipolar person who doesn't have at least several (5+) well-managed, medicated years.

Was your ex diagnosed? If so, then he would have been given meds. As mentioned before, keeping a bipolar person on meds is very, very challenging. As a teenager, I once recorded my mom during one of her manic rants because she never believed it was so bad after the fact. I played it back for her during the little window of normality she would have after a high/crash cycle, and it really opened her eyes. But even still, she kept drinking even though she knew it basically invalidated the medication and made everything much worse. It wasn't for many years and many, many drug changes that she finally achieved a good balance.

That is another big challenge for bipolars, finding the right balance of medications. It can take years sometimes, and the urge to throw it all away and give up can be very overwhelming. And even after finding something that works well for a few years, things change and then adjustments have to be made.

That all said, it is possible for a bipolar person to lead a "normal" life. My mom is in the best shape mentally she has ever been, and has been steady for a good 7 years now. So I am not suggesting that bipolars should be shunned or abandoned. But I do know, as far as a relationship goes, you really have to weigh the factors, and if you can't make a difference in that person's life, and they are not willing or able to manage themselves medically, you sometimes just have to save yourself.

EDIT: If anyone wants to talk more about this more personally, feel free to PM me. I have learned a lot from my experience, and I a happy to help how I can.

Leeza, sorry you had to go through that, its good that your family had a breakthrough. i was wondering, do people with bipolar sometimes have their symptoms mixed up with their personality? some turn out not to be that to aggressive, some passive, some try to fix their problems while others decide to drink it out. very useful information you posted. i think i will save myself having given it alot of thought.

You know my Father-in-Law?

Reading through those lyrics, zenner, it looks like your boyfriend was a narcissist.

Everything he said was everything you ever wanted to hear? Endless cycle of treating you like a queen and then like garbage, then asking for you back? Blaming his shit on you? Manipulative, lying? Why not dig a little deeper into it here: narcissistic personality disorder on psychforums.com.

Just reading a book on sociopaths. 4% of people are sociopaths, if the book I'm reading is correct. 1% Bipolar. How many people know they know a sociopath?

silty , i read the link about narcicists, but no symptoms are the one he goes through, the song was about the emotional lie that bipolars make us belive when they are manic, then everything chamges when they are in their depressive state. so we keep on holding on to something that is temporary and wont happen. they are also very promiscious. He had ALL the symptoms below.

euphoria or irritability ,excessive talk; racing thoughts ,inflated self-esteem ,unusual energy; less need for sleep ,impulsiveness, a reckless pursuit of gratification (shopping sprees, impetuous travel, more and sometimes promiscuous sex, high-risk business investments, fast driving) 2) bipolar depression/major depression

depressed mood and low self-esteem low energy levels and apathy ,sadness, loneliness, helplessness, guilt ,slow speech, fatigue, and poor coordination, insomnia or oversleeping ,suicidal thoughts and feelings

I know at least 2 people who are bipolar, and when they're in the manic phase, they're not especially attractive. They're mostly really weird and scary, so I couldn't imagine falling in love with anyone in the manic phase.

I thought Mr. Rollins was talking about narcissists, too. They're the manipulative ones.

Now I am certain that my last GF was a bipolar, I just couldnt explain her moody behaviour back then ...and thinking hard on the others I dated..hu, how many of them really were ?

I suffer from stress induced, mild bi-polar, Cyclothymia (which is a unnecessarily fancy word). But I went through the motions all right - a fortnight or so of constant lethargy, inability to dress myself, the thought of having to do the dishes made me feel utterly useless, never mind that third year of a degree I was shooting to hell, loss of short term memory and not being able to look other people in the eye when talking to them.

Followed by a fortnight of drinking, wanting to go speeding in cars, being kind of hysterical, writing music...

It's not half as serious as the cases presented earlier in this thread, but my long-suffering boyfriend does still have to deal with days of me being sluggish and an all around suicidal sad-sack on the phone every couple of months. What a patient guy I managed to land...

I have two good friends who are married to bipolar men. They have made it work for them but it is not easy. Each has one bipolar child.

Think long and hard before taking this on for life.

I had a bi-polar friend, she would just go off and disappear like that, not answer the phone or emails etc., then drop by and act like nothing happened. She once told me she spent a lot of time laying in bed when she was depressed, just couldn't get around to doing anything else. My aunt was also bi-polar. I don't think I ever met her when she was depressed but she often came to visit when she was manic, she'd get up at 4 am and start doing stuff, walk half across town and come visit and talk and talk. Sometimes meds help, sometimes people think they are better and go off their meds, sometimes it takes a while to find the meds that work. Some say that exercise helps.

If you want to take on a bi-polar husband, just know that you can't make him better and if you have kids with him, they may have the same problems.