American children in German schools

We are U.S. military stationed here for 3 years (very excited!) My husband works at a German base though with a very small number of U.S. servicemembers. Our options were to live closer to the bigger American base about 45 minutes away, or live near his work. Well, since we couldn't find housing by the bigger base, we live near where he works. This meant we put our daughters, ages 6 and 4, into the German schools. My younger daughter is of course in the kindergarten, and my 6 year old is in 1st grade. Wow, has it been difficult. It has been 5 months now, and still very hard to deal with. I know in time they will adjust, but it breaks my heart to hear them beg to stay home. Everyone has been so kind and helpful to us, but it is still difficult for the girls (and mom!) not truly understanding everything going on around them, making friends, etc. My 6 year old is really picking up the language, but not enough to understand her teacher and schoolfriends around her. If someone is just speaking with her, talks slowly and simply, she can understand.

So, my issue is whether we should move closer to the bigger base where there is an American school. We would still live in a German village so they experience the culture, making friends, but they would have the security of their English-speaking classroom and not falling behind even more. I want this experience to be FUN and rewarding; not stressful and emotionally isolating.

If anyone has any help or advice, I would greatly appreciate it! I am all for introducing my children to different experiences to benefit their education, but I don't want to cause any emotional damage that isn't necessary.

Learning a second language this early will benefit them later. You wouldn't let them stay home from the dentist just because it's no fun for them, and the bit that sucks is almost as temporary.

This is tough. I did the same thing 22 years ago. My boys suffered!!! But today they speak fluent, native German, and managed to finish High School on time. If I had sent them to an English speaking school, they would not speak native German. They also speak completely native English. But this method is not for everyone, it is definitely difficult for the first couple years. If you are REALLY only here for three years, I think it doesn't make a lot of difference what you do.
After High School, they went to a university (both high school and university in the States after 10 years in Germany) and then came back to Europe. Their language training made all the difference for them now, in a very positive way.

But I think there is a very clear prediction:
Go to English school, totally forget learning German - it won't really happen - and neither will you, you'll be too much in the English community, even living among the Germans.
Go to German school, they'll become pretty good in German, if they ever need it later in life, they'll have a huge advantage. And they'll recover later in school. And you'll also have more from your stay here - you'll get a much better feeling for the culture. Both positive and negative. But worth it in life.

Thank you for your reply, but I don't think I can compare moving to a brand new country, new school, new language with a trip to the dentist office.

I started German school at the age of 10 with almost zero knowledge of German. It was brutal, I was frustrated and cried almost every day. After about four months, though, everything fell into place. It's very important that your daughters have lots of German contacts outside of school as well. Invite their friends over to play - that gives you the opportunity of making friends with their parents as well.

We have been trying to get involved as much as we can with playgroups and such. That is what has added to my stress. For my 4 year old, I know it will be o.k. The children in her class are so welcoming and warm no matter if they understand her or not. But, I definetly see a difference in the way my 6 year old is treated. There are a few girls in her class that we have had over to play/gone to their house to play, but my daughter for the most part is ignored. I watch her at recess, and if she is not hanging around the older teenagers who speak English, she is by herself (they showed interest in her). She even gets bullied. This is what is so difficult. They are not used to having American/English speaking kids at the school, so at first they were very interested in her. That has worn off. My daughter has always been so out-going and loves school. It is very hard watching her struggle to make friends, and knowing that it completely relies on her learning German fluently so the other children will play with her.

It is a really tough situation. If you are sure that you will only be here for three years and your daughter is still unhappy after a whole year in school, then maybe it makes sense to put her in DoDDS. Too many people here think it just so easy to put your kids into a German school when your stay is temporary. Kids will adjust and all that stuff. In the cases of German-American/English/whatever families who intend to stay long term, it is a much easier decision because it is a part of their family culture and there is always one partner who knows the culture and can help with homework easily. And even totally non-German families who stay long term can make the decision more easily as well. But for you it is more about keeping the family happy and well-adjusted for your short stay, isn't it?

My point was that sometimes you do things that you know your kids won't like because you know it's good for them. A second language is good for kids, and three years isn't short term enough that the kids won't need to learn at least broken German.

You'll probably find that by the end of the school year they've settled well enough that they've forgotten they ever wanted to leave.

Tough call. At around your daughter's age, my family went to Spain and my parents put us in American (military) school, despite my dad being fluent in Spanish. We lived in a small town (not on Base); they claim I was fluent in ~ 6 months. They put me in some Spanish courses on the side, and I made friends with the locals. I still speak Spanish (teach it, too). So my point is, they will still learn German, regardless. It's only 3 years.

My son had a lot of problems adjusting here, but he is only in kindergarten. Go with your gut. You know your children better than any "expert". good luck!

Not entirely true. Learning German simply gives you a better opportunity of conversing with more German people later in life. Hardly a benefit.

Move close to the English speaking school. Your husband will simply have to learn to commute a little bit; just another sacrifice in the name of breeding.

I really feel for your older daughter having a tough time.

Is she in any after-school programs where she might make friends? Does she have play dates- invite the kids over she would like to be friends with, even if they are not friends now - do fun "American" things.

I had a slightly similar problem (and I received a lot of great advice here) which seems to have been improved by the great birthday party I threw for her lately (and I got her to invite kids she wanted to be friends with) and also accepting that she has her own way of doing things and maybe that means she plays more with boys and isn´t part of the "in" girl clique.

Though a fundamental difference is that my daughter is not unhappy at school and it would be heartbreaking for me if she was.

How about inviting more of the Kindergarten children round to play? I'm guessing that five year olds will be interested to play with both your girls and playing really is a good way to pick up language, more interactive than sitting in class listening to a teacher.

I'm assuming your six year old has a birthday that means she must attend school now, otherwise I would even suggest letting her join the Kindergarten and re-start school after the summer.

There are other developmental advantages as the brain is still flexible enough to benefit from the extra activity of learning a language.

I disagree-ish. I think we can all give our opinions, but in the end it boils down to what the OP's gut is telling her. If she thinks that it is totally unbearable for the children, and it is only three years, then sure why not just move. My opinion though, is that the children could only profit from picking up a second language. I do not know what I would do, though, in the same situation.
I am glad I was not imbibing when I read that - I think I would have had an accident. Hilarious [in an ouchie kinda way]!!!

This is what I am counting on too. German is the last language I would have wanted my kids to learn, but as we are here at present, I try to think of all the neurological benefits and suck it up.