If they ever dodge fares (no idea if they do) maybe First Citizen and horseshoe07 will be cellmates!
Don't get too excited Conquistador! (Nice move - couldn't use our real names, hmm? )
Speaking of not using real names, here's a story about the ticket checkers. Not using real names.
The German Version of God has a Sick Sense of Humour
====================================
I was getting ready to go to work this morning, putting the final touches on a package I needed to send by UPS back to the Internet shop that sent me the defective crap I obviously had no interest in keeping, when I said to my girlfriend:
"Do you know that it's got to the point with me that when I have to do anything in Germany that involves anything to do with people at a desk, I assume it can never be easy and I'll most likely get blamed for something? And I mean, NEVER easy?? And now it has nothing to do with me not being able to speak German?"
- Ha ha (whatever).
So I'm on my way to work this morning, package in hand, perfectly packed, all the stickers and stamps on it. Everything. If they can't deal with this, they need to be put down.
Never mind that. I'm in the subway, and the ticket checkers come on board. Now, being a student I have a transit pass, but of course the fine print says I need a valid photo ID along with this piece of paper. But, you know, I think maybe in the past year I've been asked twice for an accompanying photo ID, despite having my ticket checked almost daily. Now, due to that I removed an old photoID student card this very weekend from my wallet because I thought it was taking up space, take a wild guess what happened on my way to work.
"Tickets please"
- Here.
"You know you have to have a photo ID along with this?"
-Technically, yes, but nobody ever asks for that.
"Well, I am."
- Let me re-phrase that. You seem to be the only person with such a strong prussian mentality so to care about a photoID, when it's rather clear I'm a student.
"Do you have a photo ID ?"
-Excuse me, but let's ask ourselves why rules are made. This particular rule was made to facilitate one confirming their identification. If I could just show you right now my bank card, my credit card, my health card, my signature, my canadian birth certificate, and last but not least, my canadian accent when speaking german... although I don't have photo ID on me at the moment, I think it's clear we can establish my identity.
"These are the rules. I need to see photo ID."
-Well then, go on and get your pen out because I don't have any with me.
So she starts writing things down, as her colleague comes over to help out. I then proceeded to take the mickey out of both of them, since they insisted on being such unreasonable german robots. I at least got the attention and praise of the entire train car during this spectacle. The following got a lot of laughs from a lot of folk, because despite people putting up with the german bureaucracy, many are annoyed by it and enjoyed someone putting up a (somewhat futile) fight:
"Do you realize how much bureaucracy you're creating at the moment over this?"
"Could I just once ask you to think reasonably about this situation?"
"Yes, I'm really quite surprised it took you so long to find out my master plan. I immigrated to Berlin so I could fake the identity of Canadian students, take their accent as well, just so I can ride the subway for free. My god, you cracked the mystery! And this is just what, your first day? I mean, it must be your first day if you're being so strict. Nobody else is so strict."
(After taking down my details in duplicate) "May I offer you a blood sample? I mean, we do need to be thorough."
She then proceeded to call some office to verify my student details. Of course, I couldn't be found in their database. She had some telephone conversation to the effect of:
her: "... no no. c-o-n-n-e-l-L, two L's."
me: "it has to do with the apostrophe, it always does."
her: "no no, L-L. and then Sean. Siegfried, Eberhart, Anna, Nervig"
me: " Look, in Germany I'm O'Connell, I'm O Connell, I'm OConnell, I'm Oconnell, I'm Connell, hell, I'm even von Connell. It's not easy and you're trying to penalize me because you don't want to accept that I really am who I say I am because your rules are that you need to see a photo, and you're not allowed to think." (I was kinda pissed off at this point and thought they deserved it. Them and everyone like them, who harass frequent passengers instead of using the power of... deduction!")
"Please step out of the train, sir." I was practically applauded for my rebellion by the other passengers and was wished good luck by many. If you've lived in Berlin, this was quite an event!
What then happened was a mystery. I had helped them fill out 2 forms, put my signature on them, had up until this point thought I was going to get a ticket which you can dispute and not have to pay, but involves going across town and showing them your photo Id, getting a stamp, maybe two, leaving 3 hours later, and further ruining your opinion of Germans and their fucked up robotic ways. (Does not compute.)
No, they said to me: "The people we contacted couldn't find your info, meaning where you're registered with the police (they never asked about that on the phone), so instead of making "more bureaucracy" as you put it, by taking you down to the police station like we should, we're going to let you go."
"Whoa whoa. Wait a minute. After all this shit, I don't get so much as a receipt? Not even a single stamp somewhere? Anywhere? No stamp?"
-No. But obviously, bring photo ID with you next time.
So, I just went through a 20 minute song and dance, to have them be foiled by their own (faulty) record-keeping system, and then they try to make me feel scared, like they're going to call in the police next time.
And here's where God has the twisted sense of humour: At the station, I walked out and over to the UPS office, put my package on the counter, gave him another piece of paper, he stamped it, signed it, took the package, smiled, and said cheerily: "Gut." (good)
"That was it? (no blood sample?)"
- Yup. Have a nice day!
20 seconds, in and out.
So although technically it was easy (the UPS stuff), it still wasn't easy? Where do you draw the line? I think I'm in love with UPS now, and detest anything "organised" in Berlin because it's always f*cked up. Always. Sometimes I think the high taxes in this country go to support the bureaucracy, because without taxes paying for bureaucracy, there would be a lot of semi-retarded, paper-pushing people out of work. And unemployment is already 13% around here...
