A father showering with his 5-year-old daughter - Germany

Is this OK?

19 pages: 1 2 3 4 5 » Last »

kumbaya
A husband thinks it's okay to take shower with a five year old daughter. A wife thinks not. Your opinion? Is there an age-appropriate guide for such thing? Do different rules apply for a same gender parent?
DDBug
I think you already know the answer to that, and from re-reading your other posts I would suggest getting some outside support, sooner rather than later.
cinzia
Obviously you are uncomfortable with the idea, which is enough to tell the husband no, even if every other Toytown poster told you to relax, it's no big deal (but I don't think they will.)
worm
do you really have to ask other people? cant you make up your own mind? If you feel weird then dont do it, and if you dont feel weird then do it. jesus, its really not that hard, and not something you need to discuss??? but whatever
kumbaya
I am surprised how I've got Mr/Ms Worm upset. I know where I stand and in my everyday troubled married life, I have to FIGHT for it. Perhaps I was asking a wrong question, but what I really wanted to know was your own personal habit, because I am so darn curious. Are there more people like the husband or the wife? Was my question too personal and therefore offensive?
DDBug
No one can give you the confirmation of what you believe is right or wrong. You know for yourself how you feel about this, and as half of the parenting role, you wishes should also be respected. You do not need to have several people post that they agree with you to prove what you feel is right.
cinzia
At the moment, we don't walk around the house nude with the three-year-old around, but we'll change clothes in front of her (for example, at the swimming pool), shower in front of her, etc. Daddy doesn't bathe in the tub with her anymore, though he will supervise a bath sometimes.

We are probably a little less modest than many American families.
worm
Im not offended at all!

I just think that this is a thing that other people arn't going to help you with!

If YOU feel its wrong (after asking yourself why you feel its wrong, and checking carefully in your mind whether you only feel its wrong because you read it in a magazine somewhere) then dont do it. If you dont really see why you should feel its wrong, then do it. don't ask for validation for your lifestyle from random and often retarded people on an anonymous website.
sarabyrd
Dad watching a 5-year-old daughter having a bath and washing herself except her back - fine.
Dad in the shower with a 5-year-old daughter - goes against all instincts.
bluebell16
I don't have kids, but the nudity stopped with my dad around the age of two (he would still supervise baths), but nakedness was fine around my mom and my sister until well into elementary school.
landwarold
I've been here over 20 years. I come from a very conservative background in the U.S. What you are talking about here has two ways of looking at it, 1) cultural, and 2) if you go there, biblical. Culturally, the U.S. and Germany are very different in this regard. Nudity is "no big deal" here, my sons had to change into swimming suits as a group in the lower grades, and the girls group was about 15 feet away, in full view of each other. I took my daughter swimming in America a couple of years ago, she came out of the pool and took her suit off - her little 4 year-old female friend at the time said "Put that swimming suit back on immediately, or I'm going home!". I can only say: in the U.S. I'd never get near my daughter naked, here, it is really no big deal - so that's the cultural aspect. Personally, I don't have a problem letting her see me - and believe me, I am very careful to keep it to: "boys and girls are different." There is some natural curiosity, that needs to be satisfied somehow. Many do that with books. The books here are generally much more explicit. I did just sort of quietly quit taking baths with her when she was about three. At eight, she still remembers the fun baths and wants me to climb into the bath with her, I just gently always have some reason not to. I take (took) her swimming a couple of times a week, so being in water together is the most natural thing for her. The bible does restrict viewing nakedness in a lot of ways, so if that is important to you, then you can take that as a rule.

I do agree, the most important factor for you is your own comfort factor. And a five year old girl is exactly the wrong height to take showers with a dad.

Interestingly, my sons simply "became prude" one day at the age of about 6 or 7, I have seen neither of them naked since then - they were adamant about not letting mom or dad see them nude. My daughter is now 8, I expected the same thing, but no, she loves to show herself off. I don't know if there is a difference between boys and girls or what. Just an observation.

Do what you feel best, and talk to the father. If at all possible, be explicit about the dangers and come to an agreement about what you both want and what is best for the child.
Serenajean1
When I was little my dad bathed with me, but he wore swimming trucks. For me I don't think its disconcerning, but it is truelly based on your own beluiefs. However I disaGREE with the people insinuating it is in any way sexual.
gideon
A husband thinks it's okay to take shower with a five year old daughter. A wife thinks not. Your opinion?
Why should it not be OK? The problem is if you feel it is not OK is it because you are scared your husband will become sexualy aroused by your five year old daughter? Or because you are too embarassed to answer the "Dad why do you have a hairy sausage between your legs and I don't?" questions. If it's the first I reccomend you seriously sit down with some form of professional who can help you on this. A good friend of mine was accused of sexualy abusing his children by his very soon to be ex-wife. The anger I feel towards this woman is immense. I don't know you from Adam or Eve (pre apple naked versions), but I would seriously advise you to stop this.

Dad in the shower with a 5-year-old daughter - goes against all instincts.
Sorry SB, but our instincts are to protect our young not reproduce with them. I find it rather sad that people here feel family nakedness is wrong and are insinuating darker sexual tones. But maybe I've been in Germany too long and gone native on this subject; in both the physical and metaphorical sense of the phrase ;-)
DDBug
I don't mind changing around my kids or whatever, and I think it's great that we live in a place where it's not so prudish. Though the more I talk to people the more i discover that more and more come out with odd stories of their childhoods where, let's say, children were put in compromising situations. There is a line.

It may be different for everyone (for example, my oldest son is hitting puberty, majorly, so - as much as I love a cuddle with my boys - we discussed how he is now the one to get the pull out bed when we go on holidays and not all share a bed).

Unfortunately, as well, if she thinks something is wrong then she should trust her instincts. Better safe than sorry. For most people protecting our young comes first. But, as a few people even here can tell you, that is not true for everyone.
SpiderPig
Maybe its Jealousy...

Having read the other thread...
19 pages: 1 2 3 4 5 » Last »
TT Logo
You are viewing a low fidelity version of this page. Click to view the full page.