My problems working with a German woman

i have a client i've been working with for quite a few years. they recently hired a new exec and now she provides me with some projects. i recently met with her and she was pretty harsh saying i am defensive in meetings and that she thinks i write like someone who speaks ESL. she's been micro-managing my work for ages. i mean do you know how embarassing it is for me to have someone who speaks ESL and pronounces 'head' like 'heed' rewrite my reports?

i don't get this kind of grief from the men in the company. and i provide the same services for them. and i asked the same type of questions in meetings. and provide them with the same type of reports. with my current projects (and pass projects) i have exceded all expectations and the person at the top of the company is giving more work. my primary concern is that perhaps one day this person will gain more influence. so i have 2 questions:

1.) i'm wondering how i can diffuse this situation?

2.) do you think her harshness is possibily due to the lack of role models for female executives in germany?

3.) do you think she's in trouble with the company and feels threatened?

i had one client 3 years ago who i could've swore was a member of the npd (and i'm only half kidding), but somehow i was able to find common ground with him and diffuse the situation. because he was in the end only interested in the quality of the work. and i find that in the end, that's all men in this country care about. i'm a woman, but i so don't get german women.

Is she German or Scottish?

I find your first paragraph fairly hard to follow but if you are, as it appears, criticising her English skills then it's probably a good idea to ensure that your own are on the ball. Capitalisation, clarity of expression, that kind of thing. Given the opportunity I'd rewrite the crap out of your post above and I know a fair few German women who also would.

As to your actual problem, as I said I'm not entirely certain what that is, but is it possible that you and this individual have some sort of personality clash going on and it's got nothing to do with her being either German or female? You said you "don't get German women" but really it seems like you are just referring to one individual.

maybe she thinks you need to use more capital letters

i used to be a computer programmer. we old ones from the states general write using lower-case letters so as to be more low-key. and this is not the point of this post.

anyway. obvious neither are interested in being helpful.

this has happened before with german women. but on different levels. and primarily with the ones from the west. i'm really looking for self-employed people who might be able to provide some level of input.

I am also self-employed and have been for over a decade. Is that sufficient in the 'permission to respond' stakes?

I have worked with and continue to work with quite a few German women. The only problems I've had have been down to individuals rather than some sort of national gender-based disorder. I know nothing about you but you ask for opinions, therefore I and anyone else can only respond based on what you've said in conjunction with their own personal experiences. What I take from your sentences is that you appear to have a problem dealing with women in general who are in a position of authority over you. Perhaps that's not true, but as I said one can only go on the statements made.

I'm a self-employed woman as well. I work with loads of others both as "colleagues" and "clients". These are professionals - scientists, finance, teachers and many others.
My experience is that they are invariably competent and focussed, and are compartmentalise and balance their lives. They are highly trained, professional and focussed and they expect you to be the same.

Having said that, if you believe that the way anyone is treating you cross the boundaries to personal offence (ie. bullying etc), then you should deal with it. Even we think someone's writing or whatever is not up to scratch, there are ways to get that message across without value judgements that are insulting ("ESL").

You also have to make yourself invulnerable. It's all very well to say "but this way to write is normal for the US" (or for a computer programmer or whatever) but you aren't in the US now or perhaps writing for another programmer. If I had a subordinate, I'd pull them up on lower case "i" and also starting sentences with "and" and some other stuff. What I wouldn't do is make it personal and dole out judgements (the "ESL"). I'd just point it out.

You have to be flexible. Just because Person A accepts your writing style, that doesn't mean person B has to. I can recall adopting certain style features in my writing based on learning from one manager....only for a later manager to object to excessive use of that style . It's just the way of the world. Nothing to get het up about.

I am a self-employed British woman. If I received reports that contained such gems as:




I would rewrite them and give feedback to the author.

As a translator and editor, my professional opinion based on your writing here is that your English is being criticised because it is not up to scratch. Casting about for other reasons and making gross generalisations about gender and nationality does indeed make you appear defensive, so my guess is that the criticism on that score is probably justified too. My advice would be to approach any corrections and pointers as constructive criticism and start working on the problem.

this isn't about my writing in this post. i'm not asking anyone their specific opinion about my writing or my writing style. this is a frickin' forum. i write in a conversational style. but whatever. i seem to get better feedback from the finance section of this site.

there is an actual problem in german in that there are only 2 women on the board of directors of german companies. and i believe i've read that women make up less than 20% of management at german firms. this is what i was interested in exploring.

it is a serious problem in germany and in europe.

And, you also have to rememeber that, if person X accepts your work but person B makes review changes, that does not automatically mean that person Y is a "micro manager" or pernickity or whatever. It could just mean that person X is lazy, can't be bothered to spend the time reviewing your work or just has different standards.

Yes, it is. You write like a teenager sending SMS's while being hopped up on hormones. If I were your boss and you submitted reports written like that, I wouldn't correct them and you would no longer be working for me.

leylah, I appreciate that you probably do take more care with reports at work, but it is very unlikely that you are deliberately making spelling and grammatical errors here that you wouldn't normally make. The fact that this client is also criticising your English suggests the same - you are obviously not catching enough of these issues before submitting the reports.

In answer to your questions:
1.) Accept criticism, acknowledge problem, set about improving it
2.) No
3.) Unlikely

I work with a large number of German clients myself and don't have this problem. Neither do I find the women any more or less critical or difficult to deal with than the men, overall. As you imply in post 1, the quality of the work is what counts.

Well, Leylah, why didn´t you say that in the first place, rather than publicly getting your knickers in a twist about a female member of staff whose criticism of your work may or may not be well-founded?
As a teacher of British English, I personally find your constant use of the lower case to be quite irritating, and maybe even just a lazy habit. I am sure that others will share my opinion.

The last poster has a point.

(1) Your female boss criticises the quality of your writing.
(2) You rationalise that criticism by suggesting that it might be because this boss has an issue resulting from the under-representation of women in senior management roles in Germany.
(3) In telling us this, you produce an error-ridden post that demonstrates exactly why your female boss is criticising you and leading a lot of us to conclude that she's not the one with the problem.

Why are you even concern about a future that's not even here yet? It's a waste of time and energy and is counterproductive. Your insecurities are showing and perhaps this is being conveyed in your interpersonal communication in the workplace and further displayed in your work.

Perhaps that's where you can begin to sort this out with coming to terms with your insecurities and try to gain more confidence. Because with the confidence you will not feel threatened by her "gaining more influence" or doubt your ability to sort your dilemma out for yourself.

If you display the least amount of insecurity in the workplace you are vulnerable and some people may exploit it. I really think this is about you, not her.

I recommend a few crystals on your window sill, a few pyramids under your bed, incense in the bathroom, don't eat meat, meditate and watch the rising sun, wear see through blouses and run naked through the woods. It did wonders for me.

Thanks for sharing how you became a top female executive in Germany.