Daughter trying to find British soldier's family

Hello,

Looking for anyone who knew a british soldier called Alex from Gorleston / Great Yarmouth area of the UK.

I need to contact the parents of Alex/Alexander, he was in the british army and based in Germany in the 1980's perhaps even up to the 1990's. I have been told that he died in an accident involving a train, i have been told he walked out in front of the train but i am not sure if it was suicide or a tradgic accident.

I believe he met & may of married a German lady and that they had a child together a little girl. Prior to this back in the UK he was dating a lady who i think was called Sally, he also went out with my Mum Debbie Mills.

I am his daughter and i am desperately trying to find his wife / ex girlfriend so that i can get in touch with my sister and my grandparents. Also i want to visit my Dads grave which is in Germany
somewhere, i have been told i have a sister who was stillborn but not sure if the mother was Sally or the German lady.

I know its not much info to go on but i would appreciate any help or advice. I am 24 yrs old ( 25 in a few months ) and finding my fathers family would mean the world to me.

Many thanks

Charlotte.

Alexander is one of the most popular boy's names in Germany. You will have to narrow the search down a bit... Even my son is called Alexander...

can your mum not tell you his second name ?

No she wont tell me his surname, which makes things really difficult for me. Back in 1982 he would of been between the age of 18-20 yrs old, all i know is the town he's from, the Royal Anglian Regiment back in the UK are trying to help but i am not sure he was still in the army when he died, just hoping someone out there may know something.

why the hell ( if you don't mind me asking) will your mum not tell you your dads name ?

Possibly the original poster only found out about this guy recently, that he's her real father and her mum doesn't want the aggro of her going off and trying to find her natural father and/or his family.

Might be worth contacting the registrar's office in Gorleston and Great Yarmouth if you have rough details of date killed etc.

Edit : Wasn't there something on here a little while ago about a website that ex-forces use?

Sea King may know the name of it or you could start here Google: website for ex armed forces

Ahhh Keydeck good point maybe he’s not dead and that’s the reason

Who on earth would be prepared to give you all of this information (some of it that could be rather distressing to someone who gave a shit) but refuse to tell you his surname?

If this is a genuine post I'm Ravi Shankar

Why wont she tell me his surname? She says its her past and she does'nt want it all dragged up. Apparently he left my Mum for this Sally girl, then he met a German lady and had a child with her, then he got hit by a train, thats all i know.

I think she is being selfish as i dont think she told my Dad she was pregnant with me so if he has passed away she robbed him of the few years he could of spent with me. On the otherhand i spose he could be alive and well but i honestly dont know at the moment,

Have you tried taking a look at your birth certificate?

What does it say on your birth certificate for father?

Seriously Dafydd, this is a genuine post my mum told me this, i am looking for my father and i was told he got hit by a train. It really upset me as i have had to go through mourning for someone i never knew, i just want to find the rest of my family.

I think its so sad that i have to go through this everyday i wake up thinking about my Dad wondering if he is dead or alive, its a very hard thing to go through, my mum has put unknown on my birth certificate but she was lying because she does know.

It must be clear to you that Germany is a big country, there are a lot of trains & sadly people get hit by trains several times each year. We don't know all of them. We cannot utter "Om" & come up with a name & village.
So you have to do a lot more sleuthing & starting at the Anglian Regiment is a good start.

You need to talk to her again. Not knowing the guys surname makes this all but impossible.

Feel free to apologise Daffyd as I dont think the young lady would make up all the contents of this thread as well:

http://www.modoracle.com/forum/forum_posts...1&PID=66818

I would suggest contacting the police with these details and see what they come up with. Do you know where the accident happened?

The dates my Mum gave me of his death 1984/1985 may be incorrect as she now thinks it was alot later than that, but her story changes all the time so i dont know what to think. My post on MOD oracle needs to be updated, i shall go on and update the people who tried to help me there.

I am not coming on here expecting someone to say i knew you father etc etc or his parents live ... my posting on this forum is part of many efforts to find my father. I am an intelligent young woman and i know Germany is a big country so finding my fathers grave etc etc is going to be extremely hard but i will try any means possible to find my family.

I am putting the post on here to create awareness that i am looking for him someone somewhere must know something. Unfortunately no i dont know what region in Germany the accident happended?

Like i said i have contacted the Royal Anglian Regiment to see if they have any info they are currently searching for me.

You don't even know the year he died? It could be worth looking up regional papers for a story on a British soldier dying in an accident. But the closer you have the timeframe the better. Note that suicides are often reported as accidents because of the tendancy for copy-cat suicides. This may well be a new policy, not applicable to that time frame. Just be aware of it you find a story that could be relevant except it was an accident not a suicide.

I see she's already using the mod website which is not a bad plan. There could well be a veteran's group for soldiers who were posted over to particular bases at that time. They would remember a lad called Alex dying in unusual circumstances.

And you should indeed give your mother a good shake. Since its such an obvious thing to do, you obviously find it impossible. But its you life, your father, your potential relatives, and she's really being selfish in refusing to divulge details because he ran off with Mandy, and then Helga. I can't really imagine she's protecting him if he's still alive. You're grown up, no liability to him, and if he's still with his current wife his wild oats before he even came to Germany aren't going to blow the marriage apart.

Edit, I've taken the liberty of updating your title to make it more accurately reflect what you want, and thus get more views/responses. Advise me if you're not happy with the change, and what you would like it set to.

I wish you luck, and wish I could help.

My mother has said she is never going to tell me and will take it to her grave. I have tried countless times but she just seems so bitter towards him because he left her. To many women/ and some men use the children as emotional tools in breakups etc and its the children who suffer the only one currently benefiting from this situation is my mother.

I dont know the year he died if i did it would make things a dam site easier, i will look for 'brit soldier dies in accident' but on google its like looking for a need in a big bad ass haystack but i will keep trying until i find him alive or passed away, whatever the outcome i just want to know the truth.

Re-reading the posts it has not been explicitly stated that either the siad train accident was in Germany or that the believed burial is in Germany.

If the latter was true & the early 80s believed to be time of death you might even find that the gravesite has come up for re-use (I understand that in some areas 20 years is the minimum time - had no luck in finding a reference).

I can imagine that British nationals by the name of Alexander don't die of unnatural deaths in Germany every five seconds, however unless you get a better idea of where he was in the country and when, it's going to be like finding a needle in a haystack.

I still think the local registrar in his home town is the best bet.

You know the age and the 2 years, put those together and you are going to come up with a small list to search through.

This may help.

I reckon contact perhaps here:

http://groups.msn.com/1stBattalionTheRoyalAnglianRegiment

or here:

http://www.royalanglianassociation.co.uk/

or here:

http://www.forcesreunited.org.uk/?q=Royal%...lian%20Regiment

To see if anyone remembers SERVING with an "Alex" who had a fling with a barmaid at The Cliff Hotel, Gorleston. Kinda thing guys would chat about.

Try and ignore the whole "train crash" scenario 'cos it could be a red herring from your mother.

To my knowledge the accident took place in Germany, as he married a German national i believe he was buried there too.

If i knew the region it would help a great deal but at the moment i dont. Also if i knew the exact year it would certainly narrow down my search but i dont Mum said 84-85 now shes saying shes not sure it might of been alot later. I appreciate she might be lying about his death he may still be alive but i need to rule out his death first. Personally i do feel he has passed away.

Who would i approach in Germany the embassy or police? I am keeping in contact with the military but they are searching for me.
Death could be anything from 1980's - 1990's so yes a needle in a haystack.

Sounds like the 2nd Battalion of the Royal Anglian were based in Celle in Germany in the 1980's and nicknamed "The Poachers".

Edit: 1st Battalion also there see here: http://www.missing-you.net/EastAnglia.php?startnum=1040

Are you sure that he is dead? If your mother is your only source of information, I would take anything that she says with a grain of salt at this point...

Have you tried getting in touch with the Jeremy Kyle Show on ITV. It's on at 9.25 am GMT every morning and they sometimes have moving reunions and may be interested in taking up your hunt!!!
I don't like to admit to being a day time TV fan, but I do like the eclectic mix of this one!!!

Tell her that may be quicker than she thinks if she doen't tell you sharpish.

The whole train death thing sounds like a lie to me. If he's dead there is already closure. Obviously she hates the guys guts and he treated her like shit, so you've got to respect that a bit. Other than lying and saying you've found out the guy is amillionaire and you're due to inherit, I have zero advice. Oh and dyffd you're being an arse.

I wish I could help you Chaymarrie but I can't. Good luck and don't let certain people above get you down.

Surely her mother, her best friend, somebody who knew here around the time she got pregnant can give you more information?

Of course they've probably been sworn to secrecy, but they will eventually help you after making you promise not to tell mother that she spilt the beans.

Regarding my suggestion of old news stories, I actually meant visiting the regional newspaper offices and looking through their achives. That interwebby thing wasn't really around when he "died". Of course its looking more and more as if he might not have died.

Sadly, it's not entirely unusual for a woman to claim a man from her past is "dead" after having a child with him.

Yoru best shot is trying to get his last name through military contacts and then locating him through them. I'd put the story of his alleged death aside until you have a last name, by which time you might have more information anyhow.

JE asked earlier about the father's name on your birth certificate. What about that? Has your name been legally changed by your mother?

If he's listed as unknown there is no need to legally change anything and her surname defaults to her mothers.

I have a small anecdote that may or may not help you:

I know a lady whose grandmother reported her real grandfather as deceased to whatever department because he had abandoned her and their child. She thinks that a divorce would have taken too long and cost too much money, so g-ma gave some story about how she was sure that he was dead, but his body was not recoverable . . . Funny thing was, he gave the same story. This was way before the interweb thingy, biometrics, and CSI.

She didn't find this out until after her grandmother was deceased. I think this woman took this info to her grave (but left a paper trail) because then her second marriage would have been illegal, as would his second marriage; and that's a whole other can of worms when it comes to inheritance, saving face, etc . . .

Anyway, she did track down her father's other decendants, but they weren't too keen on accepting her, because then their grandmother would have been illegaly wed, and they would all be branded as bastards . . . I guess some people are really bothered by being "branded".

Sooo . . . Did your mother remarry? Was she ever married to your biofather but maybe lied about it because he left her? Does she have millions that she doesn't want him to have (in case he is still alive) so she made up a story of his death? Lots of questions, I know; but I in my experience, if you ask enough questions, the truth will come out because it's hard for fibbers to keep their story strait each time they tell it.

Good luck

This has still not been answered.

If your father has been killed in a train accident, it must have been a train from Deutsche Bahn.
May be you should contact them> www.db.de
They will definitely not tell you any personal details. However, they might tell you the area where it happened.
If you know the town and the date you could sent a mail to the local newspaper to get the details.
They are always intersted in stories like yours.

Why? It has not so far been stated that the accident took place in Germany... There is just an assumption...

I have said i beleive it happended in Germany

Get in touch with the Consulate. My UK partner died recently and the Consulate was involved regarding paperwork. If they don't have any info they are sure to be able to give you tips and recommendations.
Good luck.

I will try that thankyou

Shall post this on arrse.co.uk
No don't laugh it's where us old ones go to relive the day, quite a lot.

OK, it is up in the Infantry Section of www.arrse.co.uk
We'll see if it gets any response.
Let you know ASAP. OK?
Drop me a PM with E-Mail and I'll contact you the moment anything happens.

Thankyou i really appreciate you doing that for me

Nur die Liebe Zählt is a German TV show that reunites people, even internationally.
maybe give them a call, am sure they speak English.
they reunited twin sisters after 50 years, both German but one was living in the US. sometimes they really do find people you think would be impossible to locate. would be great if they could hook you up with any siblings, and possibly even your dad.
am sorry to hear your mum is not so forthcoming with info.
wish you lots of luck!

ps the presenter Kai Pflaume is really cute!

Actually "Deutsche Bahn" didn't Exist until 1994.
Before that time the were called the "Deutsche Bundesbahn" (West Germany) and/or Deutsche Reichsbahn (East Germany)

Nope, Celle is between Dortmund and Paderborn (about , kind of). I was up that way in the day.

Why not just call it where it is... North Of Hannover.. Nowhere near Dortmund or Paderborn - Google Maps
Unless you call 200-250 kms "Near"..

Eek, I was thinking Soest, (jebus knows why!) man it must be all the wine I drink, instead of beer!

Darkknight - TT's resident pedant