German words that make you think strange thoughts

So there I was on the way to the shops and I started to think, as you do.
Sometimes a German word will pop unbiddeen into that desert that most folk call my brain and, like a cactus in the rainy season , bloom and flower.
The word that keeps annoying me, and it'll do it to you too from now on, is Kunterbunt=colourful, multi-hued.

I keep thinking Kunterbunt= Butteredcunt.

Do other examples of German words make you think of English words that are completely unrelated?

Geschlechtverkehr!

Every time I here that I think of the old joke with the fat lady, the lost ring, the lost keys and the VW Bug.

Ausfahrt = Ass fart

Gute Fahrt

Whenever I hear the name "Herr Oberst.." (a rank in the German military) I cant help thinking of it as "Herr Obst".
Another one is "Leibarzt", eg in reference to characters in WW2, makes me think of Liebarzt, like something out of a British tabloid "love doctor"!

When I first got to Munich (and Toytown was just an expat get-together dinner-booking service) one girl at the table said she'd been ordering soup for two months "ohne zweifel" (instead of ohne zwiebeln)

I still can't get that out of my head!

I can do one in reverse, my German partner can't hear the word fickle. They can't accept it's not rude, even though they know it's not.

I once asked for a glass of Leistungswasser in a Mexican restaurant...

I love the German word "damit". Always brings giggles.

My the first 3 months in Germany I thought Notausgang meant not-exit.

Es gibt eine Kunstaustelling bei der Ausfahrt Fucking.

Vomit?

Sechs

Oh, here's an obvious one: every morning, ich gehe mich duschen.

That took about two years to get used to!

Another related example: a German colleague was once complaining (in English) about a manager that kept "penetrating" his employees...turned out she was thinking of the word "penetrant" (German for pushy, annoying). Best day of work ever.

By McDonalds we often order 6 cheeseburgers...

their message to the burger making people "sechs cheese" or SEX CHEESE

also the confusing thing between Schwul and Schwuel. I'm thinking people are liking the gay weather.

Ever since my friend guessed in German class the meaning for "Urteil," I keep thinking it means "clock-piece"

I've never liked the word "Schatz", despite its affectionate meaning. Just makes me think of 'cats' or 'shat'...

...beat me to it!

The #1 choice has to be "Dick"

I had to ask my boyfriend what "keine ursache" meant... and I translated it as "thing with no ears" / "kein ohr sache"

Quark, cream cheese type stuff. Always makes me think of Fozzy Bear's wocka wocka wocka!

Ich komme sofort... always makes me want to reply "me too"

I have the same problem, I can never remember which is which, so I always pronounce it somewhere in the middle and rely on the audience interpreting it correctly out of the context.

The bottle of Dusch Das is always funny, no matter how embarrassed I am to admit it.

Sometimes Durchwahl comes out like Durchfall... and I used to mix up Verwaltung (Verwalten) with Vergewaltigung (Vergewaltigen)

Hallo. Gute Fahrt. Ausfahrt. Dick. Birgit (always sounds to me like "Beer Gut").

Sitzt.

Fettlöser.

Besides the weather thing above, I find Mosche and Muschi are hard to get straight depending on the accents. As I posted somewhere else, I burst out laughing at the guy on the radio talking about the big demonstration against the building of a large "Muschi" somewhere in Munich. Not hard to imagine when they have one built in Tuebingen.

Kunst.

Kripo. Quark (noted earlier). Putz (or worse yet, Putzfrau). Rathaus. Body Bag. Oldtimer. Funk.

Bad reiniger - rather implies that it just won´t do the job!

Someone already mentioned Dick. But they have those chocolates called Dickmanns ;-)

Saugen mein Schwanz - I always found these words amusing.

ist deine VATER DICK?

Der Chef natürlich.

A personal favourite of mine is the brand of toilet paper called "Big Willy" that I have seen in numerous public toilets here!

Either it is wishful thinking or they have some insider information about the people who use their products!

Errr didn't get very far with the German courses did we?

Another brand of toilet paper;

Happy End!

I always got a big kick out of the past tense of essen being aß

There's a guy who lives around the corner from me named Aßmann

Dickies, haendy.

Wir haben einen Igel im garten.

"Kant", as in the writer

Yeah, Assfresser.

I was serious.
It's a pretty common name actually
I'll even take a pic of the guys doorbell if it makes you feel better

Muschi = slang for vagina and then you have to explain Mushy Peas

... maybe you shouldn´t even try to explain it Mik???

I like SMS - the Germans (that I know) seem to be convinced that it comes from the English, and there we are calling it a text message - the world can be a bit confusing sometimes!

@ JB: Assfresser= Scavenger...

Also the misuse of "Mailbox" to mean ansafone message.