Culinary catastrophes

68 posts in this topic

Posted

Do you think she'd notice if I gave her cat food pie for her tea

Contact Scogs about that one.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Does he have a recipe? :lol:

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

His ex-wife served the dinner guests cat-food instead of the paté. Both were in the fridge ...

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

They (and she) never knew the difference.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

and how did he find out then? He found the paté in the fridge after the dinner was over?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

He came home late to the dinner - saw the paté in the fridge - wisely held his tongue.

P.S. This is too good for The Vent, I'm gonna split the topic.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Well, at least we now know that eating cat food is not that bad for your health. :)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Friend of mine came home tired and emotional and with the munchies, cupboard opened up and a tin of meat stew thrown in the pan, heated up and devoured.

Next morning into the kitchen to grab a Resolve for thumping head and dodgy tummy, he notices said can on the worktop and with newly restored sight from the previous evening's one eye shut bluravision reads the can label . . . . . Pedigree Meaty Chunks :o

Funnily enough he swears it tasted really good at the time :)

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I was trying to make Bonifee or how ever its spelt- that banana, custard type dessert.

Well, you need to boil for about 90min the sweetened condensed milk, and then open them, and use them warm for mixing, well, as I opened the first one, it exploded all over the kitchen- hot sticky sweet milk! Burned my arm too!

I will no longer make it. God took ages to clean up.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

A true story.

I was in the pub a few years ago lookng at rugby one sat afternoon. Good resuls, goot company and a good few pints! I invited 4 people at our table to come over for dinner the folowing night "coz I make a mean roast".

Woke up next day totally fogotten about said invitataion. Went about normal sunday afternoon and proceded to cook steak and chips for dinner about 5. We had a glass of wine and were enjoying the peace until the doorbell goes at 6pm. I answer and there are 4 friends with, wine chocs and flowers. My partner was just clearing up.

It suddenly copped on to me and undeterred I said not to worry that I had chilli in the freezer and proceded to cook up rice, defrosted the chilli and served, it was only after i served that my guests comments that it was the best "bolognese and rice" he had ever eaten.

Still a topic if laughter in my family after all these years.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Rhubarb crumble without stewing the rhubarb :(

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I worked in a restuarant during universtiy where all sauces were kept in similar generic looking containers in the fridge. Unfortunately for one unlucky customer, the chocolate sauce looked remarkably similar to the BBQ sauce when one day I mistakenly served a delicious looking chocolate sunday smothered whipped cream, nuts and smokey BBQ sauce.

Needless to say, the customer did notice ...

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I Have two,both chicken related food poison.

When I was about 15 I was hungry so I put a chicken leg in the oven for 20 minutes took it out and bit into it, it was raw on the inside - I didnt heat the oven.

The second was last year, Monday night came home to cook a chicken stir fry...Something went wrong.

The next day went to work and at lunch time, couldnt stop being sick. I went home and for the next few days, I was so ill, on the Thursday I had to fly to Germany to attend a food processing expo, I was still sick but thought I could handle it right up until the plane lifted off the ground... I was sick the entire flight, got to the hotel (which was a floating boat hotel thing)... not good, the next day went to the tradefair walked in feeling ok until I saw a chicken processing machine... that was the end of me. For 1.5 weeks I couldnt eat, best thing is a lost a hell of a lot of weight.

It took 12 months until I could eat chicken again, and into the cold area of a supermarket where the chicken was.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

@ TroyBoy: Loved that one. Bet you don't sleep under a feather bed ...

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

My youngest daughter in a fit of rage when told she couldn't take something out of the fridge, slammed the door to the fridge really hard. This, unbeknown to me, had the effect of making the plastic bar that holds bottles in place in the door, jump out of it's mountings. The fridge is one of those that sits above the freezer and later when my wife had gone out to do some sport and the kids were in bed, I went to the fridge to get a beer, opened the door and a full bottle of orange juice and a full bottle of ketchup fell out of the door and smashed on the kitchen floor, it took me over an hour to get the resulting mess cleaned up, it went everywhere!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

My ex's father did a beauty once. We were round at his grannies house (which always had disconcertingly sticky surfaces everywhere) having a family dinner with lashings of wine.

Anyway, my ex's dad got up to dole out the icrecream with a dod of jam and duly ladeled out 8 bowls of icecream from the freezer with the scoop with a dod of jam on the top of it. Only thing is, it wasn't icercream that he had scooped out - it was frozen margerine.

We all realised when we tucked in which produced gales of laughter. After we had all quietened down we realised Granny hadn't realised and had eaten all the marge oin her bowl. ewwwww

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Mmmm, people...

post-3208-1159462124.gif

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Culinary catastrophes? They were my daily bread before I discovered a ) Pizza delivery and b ) men who enjoy to cook :ph34r:

So I have to choose... Well, how about when I tried to cook a chicken (the whole beast, not just the breast or leg - I can handle that). And forgot to put the stuffing in. Which wouldn't have been all bad (though less tasty) - but the real problem was I forgot to take the plastic-wrapped innards out...

Guest arrives and complains that he smells plastic burning. We are hunting around the apartment for the source, never thinking about the oven, which among the burnt plastic gives out some nice cooked chicken smell.

End of story? Pizza... :rolleyes:

P.S. But it's not my fault. It's in my genes. Will never forget the day I went to visit my sister and her steam cooker had just exploded and there were mashed (or rather: smashed) potatoes everywhere in the kitchen... Mostly on the ceiling, though...

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I nearly killed myself trying to fry some crap frozen snack food.

I heated oil in a pan that also had some water in it (maybe a teaspoon or two). Didn't know if it was hot enough to start cooking yet, so I swirled it around with my face directly over it. You know, to get a better look.

Turns out it was very hot and exploded. Really -- it was very loud (like a car backfiring, kind of a hollow explosion) and there were splatters on the ceiling and up an entire wall of the kitchen. Would have been a bigger mess, but most of it hit me square in the face.

I cannot describe the level of pain of having my entire face feel like it was melting off. Also scared completely shitless that I'd blinded myself and that my entire face was burned off. I couldn't see for a couple hours, but turns out that was mostly just the oil messing up my vision. My contacts may have saved my eyes from damage.

Went straight away to the emergency room. Everything checked out ok and I had blistering in a few places, but no scarring. Pretty amazing really.

Sooo, don't mix water and oil at any temperature, but I guess everyone here already knew that. I didn't finish cooking them and have never attempted since.

I did get a couple shots of some incredible pain medicine. Pretty much forgot why I was in the ER after that.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Most of my kitchen disasters involve baking. I don't have a standard mixer with 2 beaters, I only have a wand mixer. So I'll mix the batter with the wand mixer, leave it standing optomistically in the bowl while I collect the next ingredient. I'd say 1 out of every 3 times, the mixer falls over, knocking over the bowl, which knocks the batter onto the counter and to the floor. I now tend to mix batter by hand.

The other frequent disaster is the grill in our oven. It gets hot. I mean, REALLY hot. Bread takes 5 seconds to toast when it's heated up. I have often forget something grilling under it and turned bread into charcoal.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Decided to make my own pickled herring using the remains of a big-ass bag of salt herring I got really cheap. Neither the decision nor the preparation were done while completely sober. After three weeks of marination they smelled pretty good. They were pretty crunchy, though.

I'd forgotten to bone the damned fishes.

woof.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

My mum served us quiche and my dad, ever a lover of the stuff, smothered the lot in HP sauce and tucked in with abandon.

I did wonder about the lack of ham in the quiche.

Too right - it was custard tart.

We only got told when it was all eaten.

My mum is also well known for putting jelly in the oven to chill or roasts in the fridge to cook. She's a bit distracted.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Once came home in a drunken state in Blighty as one does.Was starving as one always is after a night out.Decided to make some cheese `n`onion on toast.Was fantastic but next day my mother spent the full day looking for the daffodil bulbs she had bought.

Was a great meal but fragrant

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now