Choosing a surname for your baby

130 posts in this topic

Posted

Hi All

 

Subsequent to Kay's suggestion to start a new topic about which surname to use for a baby, I thought I'd give it a go (see the forum 'Should children be christened or not?, Opinions' for the background) and potentially open up a can of worms.

 

Basically my partner and I got married four days before moving to Germany at the beginning of this year but didn't have the time to change surnames etc. We'd always discussed about adopting each others names as our family surname and subsequently our children then also having the combination. Well, we found out soon after getting here that we were going to have a baby, whom I might point out is now six days overdue.

 

Over the past months, my partner has changed his mind from agreeing to change our surnames which would incorporate both existing names, to only wanting to use his, especially for the impending baby. I'm 35, very used to my identity including my surname and kind of feel that by taking only his name I'm losing a piece of myself. It's even more prompted by the fact my brother is extremely unlikely to ever have children, and our branch of the family name will disappear with my children only having their father's name (there are three boys in his family already with kids so that's not an issue for him). I'm not asking for our children to only have my surname or his, but both. It's an identity thing that I'm beginning to obsess about.

 

Now I know there are many more important issues out there in the world, but my personal world has narrowed down in these last weeks of 'The Final Countdown' to include this, so I respectfully request your opinions but also that any criticisms be given in a gentle manner :ph34r: .

 

Don't forget - I'm pregnant - and fragile - and any harassment you give me will naturally flow onto my poor suffering husband!! :D

 

Anyway, penny for your thoughts ... ...

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Posted

I would keep both names for the baby, it is important to you. As I tell my husband, what makes me happy makes you happy in the long run. The only thing with using two names is the length. I use both names and my last name is 9 letters--12 letters so after awhile I am pretty sick of signing both <_<

 

good luck with the baby.

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Posted

I hate to break it to you, but children aren't allowed to take both parent's name in Germany, it's one or the other. Either of you, as spouses, can have a double-barrelled name, but you can't pass it onto your child.

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Posted

@ Showem, I would imagine Nat would be registering the birth with the NZ authorities so German law shouldn't be an issue.

 

Nat, I think a double barrel name is the best comprimise (so long you don't have names like Leutheusser-Schnarrenberger ;))

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Posted

Couldn't agree more... the compromise is definitely a hyphenated name (we don't seem to call it "double barrelled" where I come from) which is the norm with French friends of mine. I couldn't agree more, I would never give up my identity/ or my last name (refuse to call this my maiden name)... the issue is convincing your hubbie about the importance of your family name continuing on. (If you weren't married, the child would have your name, dang.) :rolleyes:

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Posted

Queston what happens for the 3rd Generation...especially if the son/daugther's future husband/wife has a double barrelled name. Does the new generation have a double double barraelled name or does one get dropped...?

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Posted

Check out any time limits though, I know that under Japanese law it's limited to a few months (I think 6?) after the wedding in which you can change your own name.

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Posted

 

(If you weren't married, the child would have your name, dang.)

Not necessarily, you have a choice in the matter. I am not married but my child has his father's surname. That is very strange here however and i have to answer a lot of questions from confused people (mostly from immigration personnel) who cannot understand why my child have a different surname from me.

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Posted

i would say have two kids one with your surname and one with your husbands,make sure that the boy gets yours if you have one and then you will garentee the continuation of your family name.Go get a scan find out the sex of your child and make sure you get the right choice,the worst that could happen is you have two girls if so there is no problem as they might change there names later inlife to there prospective partners best of luck. my kids have both surnames so they can make a choice later in life. B)

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Posted

does it have to be hyphenated? can't you name your child <first name> <middle name> <your last name> <his last name>

 

they do that in other places?

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Posted

 

make sure that the boy gets yours if you have one and then you will garentee the continuation of your family name.

Unless the hypothetical boy changes his surname at marriage, as allowed under German law.

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Posted

does carrying on the family really matter much in the 'bigger picture'? Having said that, I don't think you should just roll over and accept what your husband wants.

 

Maybe you could all adopt a 3rd, neutral name? or maybe that just leaves everyone annoyed

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Posted

 

have two kids one with your surname and one with your husbands

This is a recipe for administrative chaos every step of the way.

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Posted

 

I don't think you should just roll over and accept what your husband wants.

The thread started with double-barrelled names, now we have a double entendre as well! ;)

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Posted

wene talking about carrying on a family name haveing girls is not ideal.Haveing a child what ever the sex is.is a blessing for any one but its not the children we are talking about its the continuation of a family name so lets not get this out of context by takeing snips out of a reply makes you sound like a politician they never tell the whole storey and so cant be trusted :ph34r:

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Posted

 

i would say have two kids one with your surname and one with your husbands

 

This is a recipe for administrative chaos every step of the way.

and also not allowed in Germany

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Posted

Kids of the same parents have to have the same surname.

Double names are not allowed here for children.

You will have to register the birth here first.

To use a name that does not fit into German rules you will have to have a note from your consulate saying it is acceptable in your home country.

My children have my last name as a third first name.

I have my last name and my husband's last name as one last name, but not hyphenated. (Confuses the heck out of most Germans, not always a good thing).

Which name is more unique and interesting? The only reason I even considered another last name is because my last name was a pain here.

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Posted

 

lets not get this out of context by takeing snips out of a reply makes you sound like a politician

There is such a thing as a sense of humour, you know. :rolleyes:

 

I'm pretty sure that most people seeing my post will have guessed (correctly) that I have two girls and that I was simply

making a joke.

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Posted

Kay i do have a sence of humour i'm just not telepathic.I have a two boys and a girl and they have the choice between useing their mothers name or mine what matters is my name is on all of their birth certs. <_<

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Posted

You don't have to be telepathic to get it.

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