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Fifty reasons why Gazza was a legend

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Posted

I'd rather think of it as 50 reasons why he's a fat fucked up nobody, but here it is anyway.

 

1) One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals' Danny Baker

and Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full kit... boots included.

 

2) When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the nurse:

"Church Of England."

 

3) On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand "a go" on a

workman'spneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily

pounded the pavement to the amusement of shoppers.

 

4) On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his big-money

move to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman

that he reminded him of Russ Abbot.

 

5) Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea of

augmenting team line-ups with footage of each player mouthing his own name. Gascoigne's genius led him to subvert the process by, instead, mouthing 'f***ing w***ker.'

Broadcasters across the world had to use it all the way through the

tournament.

 

6) Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle team-mate

Tony Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.

 

7) Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for England's

upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "Yes. F**k

off, Norway." Then ran off laughing.

 

8) Turned up for England training the morning after then-manager Bobby

Robson had called him "daft as a brush" with a floor brush

Sticking out of his sock.

 

9) When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped

enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined £39,000.

 

10) Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair extensions.

Looked a fool and had them taken out a day later.

 

11) After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breasts implants, sent flowers

to the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly Parton.'

 

12) Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a double-decker in

London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a drive. The

Bus driver said yes, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's

Impromptu performance.

 

13) Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie Jones after

the infamous ball-squeezing incident. Got a toilet brush in return.

 

14) Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a 'girl' he knew

to be a transvestite.

 

15) Has taken the p*** out of refs constantly during his career. On

one occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was holding

his hand high to signal a free kick.

 

16) Undeterred by their frosty reactions, Gazza again tried to prove

that refs have a sense of humour by yellow-carding the referee

after the official had dropped his card during a Rangers v Hibs game.

He was booked for his troubles.

 

17) While attempting to deflect the 'kebab controversy' which spelled

the beginning of the end of his England career, assured

reporters that his doner-munching antics following Middlesbrough's promotion to the Premiership would in no way affect his fitness before France 98.

One reporter asked: "What do you feel like now?" Back came the inevitable

response:"I feel like a kebab with onions."

 

18) As an apprentice desperate to impress then-Newcastle boss Jack

Charlton,spent a week's money on fishing gear and begged the famous angler to give him a lesson. On arrival at the riverbank, Charlton promptly threw all but the rod out into the briny, then poured a bottle of Newcastle Brown into the water, dipped in the rod and within seconds was pulling out a whopper. Lesson over.

 

19) As 'perk' of boot-cleaning duties during his apprenticeship, took

Kevin Keegan's Golas home to show his mates. But left them on the Newcastle Underground.

 

20) When playing for England against Belgium in Italia 90, ridiculed

Enzo Scifo as he lay on the ground clutching his leg. Gazza thought

he was play-acting, so did a mime of his own which involved hopping on one leg with his tongue lolling out.

 

21) His attempt to jet off to Libya with Middlesborough for a

post-season tour was hampered by the fact he'd left his passport at

home. An emotional Gazza wept at the check-in desk until a minion was

despatched to bring it to the airport.

 

22) Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home from Italia

90 by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach bearing the legend 'Gazza.'

 

23) On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he could speak

Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet

Show's Swedish Chef.

 

24) Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'd scraped out

the filling and replaced it with cat excrement.

 

25) Walked into the Middlesborough canteen wearing nothing but his

training socks and ordered lunch.

 

26) Paid £320 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town of

Dunston, then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets for local kids.

 

27) Whilst dining in the prestigious Bedford Arms Hotel in Woburn with

a few of his Geordie mates, decided to place his erect member on the shoulder of a diner at the next table. Thinking someone had tapped him on the shoulder the gentleman turned his head only to have Gazza's helmet prod him in the cheek.

 

28) Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage which he

informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his key and knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled housewife inside that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she preferred Daz or Omo.

 

29) Crashed Middlesbrough's team bus at the club's training ground and

caused

£310, 000 worth of damage.

 

30) While at Rangers, urin@ted over sleeping team-mate Richard Gough.

 

31) Handed £1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that the

burly

boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the

bridge of his nose for five seconds...Jimmy could. Twice.

 

32) After briefly giving up drinking, was advised to find a new

interest.

Picked bingo.

 

33) Bought a £1000 robot and programmed it to travel into Jimmy Five

Bellies'

room at Gazza Towers and announce: "Make a cup of tea, fat man."

 

34) Was banned from Liverpool's Cream night-club in advance within

days of

joining Everton, because the Evertonians who run the place wanted him

to avoid

temptation and stay fit.

 

35) Prepared for England matches during that hugely important

tournament by

playing marathon games of tennis in the scorching

midday sun.

 

36) Thought it would be appropriate to wear a blue fright wig before

the 1991

FA Cup Final.

 

37) In his time, has agreed to dress as a Roman centurion, a clown,

Oliver

Hardy and Braveheart for photo opportunities.

 

38) While his Italia 90 team-mate was the hero of Hillsborough,

marched into a

Sheffield barber shop and demanded "a Waddle cut."

 

39) When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to finalise the

deal with

a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh hotel in Hadley

Wood where

Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc. Gazza met then-chairman

Irving

Scholar and began talks by saying, "We'd like to thank you for the best

three

days of our lives"

 

40) Was asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after guests

were

treated to the sight of a n@ked Five Bellies swimming

across the duck pond.

 

41) On his first night in Rome after signing for Lazio, gave his

minder the

slip, put his shoes by an open window and hid in a

cupboard. The minder thought he'd committed suicide.

 

42) Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed off with

a cheery

"Happy Christmas, you f***ing w***ers."

 

43) Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for silence, then

farting

at ear-splitting volume.

 

44) Told an interviewer that he was so superstitious about the number

13 that

he couldn't ever bear to see the numbers 4 and 9

together. Oddly, the combination of 5 and 8 was deemed OK.

 

45) Shredded England team-mate Dennis Wise's Armani suit "for a

laugh."

 

46) While staying at a Scottish hotel, drove across its golf course in

his

four-wheel drive Jeep.

 

47) While reputation preceded him in Italy, the English language did

not.

Hence, his Lazio debut was marked by a banner which read:

'Gazza's Boys, We Are Here. Shake Your Women And Drink Your Beer.'

 

48) Conversely, rival Italian supporters once hailed him with a banner

which

stated bluntly: 'Paul Gazza, You Are Fat Poofta.'

 

49) After being sent off while playing for Lazio, shook hands with

virtually

every member of the Genoa side.

 

50) While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there was no bacon

for

breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country

and there's no bl00dy bacon!"

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Posted

51. Continues to believe it is called football and not soccer like what proper folk say.

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Posted

:lol: yeah right soccer!

 

It is and will always be football.

 

(till yanky wins the world cup) :lol:

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Posted

Indeed. Just got back from the marriage weekend and should be feeling the luuurrrvv. But...

 

How about 50 reasons why Scotland will NEVER win the World Cup

 

or 100 reasons why, even if a Scottish team should ever disgrace the ENGLISH premier league, they will never come close to winning it?

 

Come on Schotte. Is that the best you can do? OK, so he played for Rangers so you automatically hate him (does not help that he is English too I guess)...

 

O Neill is favourite to land the England job. God knows what you will do if that happens

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Posted

= Nomination for pathetic, bitter post of the year.

 

1) I got this in an email sent en mass.

 

2) I dislike him cos he is a twat, not because he is an ex-ranger or cos he is english but keep believing that if that is what you are wetting yourself over.

 

3) It has nothing to do with england football in general, certainly nothing to do with scotland or scottish football. shame there isn't another thread for weird irrelevant witterings.

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Posted

 

shame there isn't another thread for weird irrelevant witterings.

Not needed, this one will do just fine. ;)

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Posted

Schotte. I am glad that yet another Englishman has had such a profound affect on you that you felt the need to post the e-mail that you received.

 

I think the 51st reason would be that yet another Englishman brought a fleeting glimpse of class and quality to a league that was/is, otherwise devoid quality and is of no interest to anyone outside of Carnoustie!!??

 

Now, phone up Celtic & Rangers to stop them begging to join us in the Premiership, south of the border :P

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We don't need to beg. the only reason the pishy dross in the english league doesn't allow us in is because the Old Firm would become the biggest brand in world soccer. fact. man u and the rest would be living in our shadows. you can smell the fear from the so called "big guns" in england.

 

when you talk about "another englishman" it makes me laugh. funny how sutton practically told the english national selectors to fuck off as he was enjoying celtic so much and they were treating him disgracefully. makes you wonder.

 

as for carnoustie, i dont think they "do" football.

 

:)

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Posted

 

when you talk about "another englishman" it makes me laugh. funny how sutton practically told the english national selectors to fuck off as he was enjoying celtic so much and they were treating him disgracefully. makes you wonder.

What was even funnier is that he was not even being considered for England, and that he had more chance of flying to Mars whilst being shagged by Bonny Prince Charlie than playing for england ever again...

 

Look at Roy Keane's options - Bolton, Everton, Fulham, West Brom, Celtic...

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sutton was. i am in the know, unlike you.

 

what i also wonder about is would glory hunters like you support the 'tic when they win the english league. probably. some committment.

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Ah yes. glory hunters... Hmmm... Been supporting Liverpool for over 30 years. Strange choice I know but my parents bought me a Liverpool home strip and scalf when I was younger and I just followed them since then...

 

Would I support Celtic? No. Of course not. Would I see it as quite an achievement if they won the league? Of course. I mean look at what lower teams like Wigan Athletic are achieving this year. Quite amazing

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yeah right soccer!

 

It is and will always be football.

 

(till yanky wins the world cup)

Ahem, the ladies have won it twice (1991, 1999). Time to change the name of the game.

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Sutton was not considered for England. He was overatted and we Norwich fans could not believe our luck when we first sold him. Scoring a few goals against Hibs or Inverness Caledonian Thistle hardly warrants an international first team place, unless of course the international team you play for is crap and never gets past the first round of anything.

 

The last time "fear" was smelt in Scotland, a prince ended up doing a runner, dressed as a woman and died a drunk in France (well I think it was France) :ph34r:

 

Carnoustie does golf, and no "man" in Scotland can call himself a "man" until is has used the "Dundee bus stations mens toilet cubicles!" (According to my Celtic supporting mate "Big Ron")

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maybe Gazza was a bloody idiot and squandered talent money la de da de da...but at least he brought some fun to the game. I mean , i've been sitting here reading this thread and trying to think of a current footy( fcuk soccer!)'maverick', who brings as much fun to the game as he did, can't think of one. Seems to me that all of todays players are so far up their own 'star' arses that there is no room for anything approaching a personality like that soft lad had. A fool he might have been ( and english to boot) but at least he's still remembered fondly ( by most folk) for not having taken the "game" too seriously. He's up there alongside Bestie, Ossie and Stan all jokers in the pack and all remembered with a smile. A silly arse... fer sure, but great entertainment all the same, ... and what a great singing voice an' all...

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Posted

"Let's All Laugh At Gazza"

"Gazza Is A Psycho"

"Theres Only 2 Paul Gascoignes"!!!

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Ahem, the ladies have won it twice (1991, 1999). Time to change the name of the game.

Womens football is not worth watching (or winning ) :ph34r:

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Posted

Nike did an ad campaign around the US women's football team last year:

 

"The greatest team you'll never know"

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Posted

Gascoigne was one of the most talented players of the 1990s.

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Posted

well the ref in no 16 was an idiot. Felt sorry for Gazza for that.

 

And 26 seemed like a nice enough gesture really

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