It's time for a job change

48 posts in this topic

Posted

Yes, there will always be people who react negatively to you making positive changes in your life. You just have to do your best to ignore them and get on with things. It's a mixture of fear, jealousy and who knows what. I remember the first time I went to weight watchers and we were warned that it was possible that some people wouldn't react well to you losing weight - if they have you pigeonholed as their fat friend (and whatever that means to them) and you change things, they might not like it. Daring to actually find out what you want to do and doing it will work along the same lines for some people. Just go for it.

What area are you looking at moving into? I'm the exact opposite of you, even when I was a kid I wanted to be a secretary (or a teacher, but then I realised it'd involve working with kids or having enough interest in one subject to want to study it, which I didn't :) ), I used to love watching my mum typing and found the filing cabinet we had fascinating. But my dad was dead set against it (after forcing my three older sisters to go to secretarial college so that they'd always have something to fall back on - men!) so I studied business and languages and, because of the time and place, ended up working in call centres for a few years. And every time I did an online test to find my perfect career, every one of them came back with customer service - yuck. Totally understand the feeling of being good at something and still not wanting to work at it your whole life! Luckily I worked in start-up and small call centres so it was easy enough to end up being the one to take on all the admin stuff and make the jobs as close as I could to what I wanted for at least part of the time. Was very glad to make the change to proper secretarial work though - it makes a difference when you enjoy what you do. Now, if I could just find the perfect company to work for! :)

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Posted

I think you are reading too much into it.

I love football but not all my friends do. If I talk to the ones who like it they respond enthusiastically. The ones who don't like it, don't.

If you are truly happy the mixed reactions will not bother you, rather discuss this all with pals who feel the same.

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Posted

20 years is a long time, but i bet it wasn't a total waste. The next 30 will fit in the 'lost' 20. Fair play to you. I think changing careers should be encouraged much more, financially and otherwise. Will make for a much better society.

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Posted

Job/life coaching is a fraud. But if you are happy ...

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Posted

@ Robinson: Thank you very much for your words of encouragement! They mean a lot to me.

@ Jeanie: Your post made me smile. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. And here I am not liking my profession at all while there are people like you who would love to be a secretary … topsy-turvy world. I hope that you will find your perfect company soon! During the coaching I worked on my interests and my top 3 were the sea/coast, events and detective stories. Quite a mix, huh? These are the areas I am now looking into.

@ Moonboot: It is perfectly okay not to share the same interests, but I think it is not okay to put the other person down, especially if you consider yourself to be a friend. But you are right about only discussing this with friends who are truly interested. I guess that was a lesson for me to learn.

@ Padjo:

I think changing careers should be encouraged much more, financially and otherwise. Will make for a much better society.

I fully agree. I have a friend who hates her job and she is always off sick. We spend so much time at work, shouldn't we make the most of it? I may be a dreamer, but I dream of enjoying my working days. Nothing is ever 100 % perfect, but 80 % would be great already :)

@ Krieg: Are you speaking from experience?

Lumina

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Posted

I trust Penn & Teller

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Posted

Thanks for broadening my horizon :D

Lumina

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Posted

Their jealousy makes me sick

Of course. Basic human psychology. Are you reallllllllly delighted when your best friend wins the lottery?.....nah.

Are you reallllllllly delighted when your friend loses 20kgs and you didn't?.....nah.

Unless of course you are already yourself very rich and very skinny (no competition)....then you can emotionally afford to enjoy their progress in a relaxed fashion, but if they are leapfrogging you then it's just uncomfortable.

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Posted

Unfortunately, that often happens when changes come. Two friends of mine lost good friends when they....became pregnant!! Apparently the friends couldn't live with the sudden change in life focus.

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Posted

Job/life coaching is a fraud. But if you are happy ...

Absolute bullshit!

I credit Jewish Vocational Services in Montreal with saving my life more than 20 years ago. Had I not taken their career counselling program I would have kept flopping around on the dead-end path I was headed. They pointed me toward the career I should be aiming for, and helped me stick at it.

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Posted

I see 2 issues here.

1) You got up and did something positive. Excellent. You have already shown that you got that special get-up-and go. Don't even question it. I've always been slow in such things. Although I realised that you should never discourage people seeking their aspirations.

2) How to deal with the stick in the muds? This is a separate issue. At worst avoid them. At best, attempt to explain your situation on a one to one basis. Be honest to them. Give them a chance to get it. As they may have thought you were just showing off. If you were really buzzing with excitement about something, it doesn't always come across as you meant it.

Anyway, good luck and don't look back.

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Posted

Great topic Lumina. I was in a similar situation many years back and also at this step after being unhappy with my job (except that I had loved it before many things had changed). In retrospect after almost ten years I have discovered some are lazy/scared to pickup and leave for a new challenge or to find more happinese.

That's the way it is though so don't feel bad or take it personnal if someone else can't understand.

BTW, I did find my almost perfect job by fluke. ;-)

I have no opinion about personal trainers but I can imagine if your the person you seem to be you would have reached your own conclusions(yes I have seen Penn and Teller) :P

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Posted

I have no opinion about personal trainers but I can imagine if your the person you seem to be you would have reached your own conclusions

The funny thing is that I knew all along about my strengths, skills and values, BUT being stuck in a rut I couldn't see clear. The coach helped me to make them visible and now I have this list of my top 3 interests, values, skills etc. and whenever I look at it, I think: 'Yeah, that's so me!'. The first time I held this piece of paper in my hands I actually cried. I felt relief and hope and finally had a perspective.

Up until that point everything was fine with my friends. But when the word 'perspective' came up, some of them lost interest. I do understand that it is easier to whinge and to share stories about terrible jobs and bosses, but I do not want to live that way. I still have to work for more than 20 years!!!

If they had just kept their mouthes shut, everything would have been okay (more or less), but they said things like 'At almost 40 it is too late to find a new job. Noone will hire you anyway.' or 'The economy is bad, there are no jobs out there.' Why do they have to be so disencouraging?

Their comments hurt me, but I am not one to give up easily. I will not talk to them about this subject anymore, but will continue my 'quest'. Hope and despair keep me going, because I do not want to stay in my profession and job and I truly hope that I will find something else. Something I may have thought about before, but was not brave enough to pursue.

And damn it – I am not too old! ! ! :angry:

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Posted

We are the same age so I don't get why your friends would say it's to late to change. They are just being miserable and in secret envy you ;-)

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Posted

It's a bit of a German thing, I think. I'm the same age and I've gotten the same reaction from some German friends when discussing maybe taking a year or two's break to travel (and that was a couple of years ago). The idea of never letting go once you have a permanent job still has a fairly strong hold on some it seems.

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Posted

I have a friend who used to be a colleague, a social worker in "corrections". I changed my life, she didn't, and now she is stuck; she had to support her family (artist husband and two kids, now adult) so she didn't really have much choice. Now, conditions at work have drastically deteriorated, as Baden-Württemburg's probation services have privatised, and in the last several years all she ever does when we are together is moan and groan about her job, her boss, her colleagues, work conditions etc. Luckily, she has never resented me for changing my life. I just wish she could find a way to change hers. She would love to run a cosy little cafe or tea room somewhere in Heidelberg or in another pleasant town, and she would be great at it -- but maybe, at mid-50 and a civil servant, it's just too big a leap. But she does know what she's like, and that's a step.

Me, I think one is never too old to make a drastic change in one's life. And taking risks, giving up the comfort of a secure job, that's half the fun. Well done for getting out of your rut!

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Posted

Lumina, you're very brave to do this, a lot of people don't have your kind of courage. If circumstances hadn't dictated what I do at 40, I don't think I would have the job I have now, which I love.

I wouldn't be too hard on your friends though, especially if they're German. For them, what you're doing is probably incomprehensible, to leave a well paid, pensionable job goes against many people's understanding. For a lot of Germans, it's all about planning for the future and doing what you have to do now to secure that future. What you're doing probably scares them to bits and when they say negative things to you, they're trying to justify to themselves why they have to stay in their jobs.

Try not to take it personally, not everyone has your strength and courage because that's what it takes to do what your doing. Good luck to you.

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Posted

Thanks arunadasi and Tap for your nice words!

It's a bit of a German thing, I think.

Is it really? Is it, because Germans are not used to a hire and fire mentality? Or does staying with one company for decades mean to us that we are reliable and needed? Are those employees who never change jobs better employees? Am I only a worthy employee if I stay no matter what? If that is the case ... I am also German, so what is 'wrong' with me?! ;)

Over to something less serious: I have just had my first 'interview' and it went very well. I talked to an author. We got along great and ended up talking for 1.5 hours (on the phone) :D She told me quite a bit about the book industry and what it is like to be an author.

This first interview gives me a lot of hope and courage for the ones to come. I will still struggle when I have to talk to people I do not know and ask them questions, but now I am even more determined to get as many 'interviews' as possible.

Lumina

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Posted

Nice to hear the interview was a positiv experience:-)

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Posted

Best of luck with your life change and interviews :)

Karim

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Posted

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

― Confucius

Good Luck. You are surely a great inspiration for some of us (me included).

Regards

Andy

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Posted

This just reminded me of something my dad said when I got to accompany him to work. He was a painter, had his own company and always liked how he could choose to work in- or outdoors depending on the weather.

One of my favourite memories is dad and me (10ish) standing at the window of a customers place (I was probably in charge of cleaning up and laying drop sheets).

Anyways, outside in 25+C Toronto the postman is walking around in shorts delivering the mail.

My dad, always keen in pointing out how easy someone else had it says "Look at that guy, great weather, government secure job, man hes got it easy" needless to say we were indoors without AC(OMG).

Fast forward 6 months, outside is -25C Toronto the postman is fighting the wind and mountains of snow no longer in shorts delivering the mail.

My dad, always keen on pointing out how great hes got it "Look at that guy, shitty weather, government pay, make sure you get a job on the free market"(and don't become a painter!).

Apart from discovering my dad flip-flopped on what line of work I should look into there was nothing to learn here.

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Posted

Hi guys,

Thanks again for your comments. I appreciate them so very much! And right now I really, really need them.

I have just started an attempt to find people who want to answer my questions and have learned: Do not call in advance! My coach told me to just show up at their doorsteps (at work, of course) and to then ask them if they have a couple of minutes to talk to me. Being the polite person that I am I called to make appointments instead of just attacking them ...

Okay, this is an utter lie. I am basically scared shitless and can't bring myself to just knock on their doors and bother them with my questions. Argh! I had planned to go see a couple of them tomorrow, but right now the thought just freaks me out. One part of me says: 'You have to go, you want to change jobs.', the other one says: 'Oh well, you've got an appointment coming up on Friday, so don't be too hard on yourself.' Angel and devil or angel and angel or devil and devil. Whatever they are, they are fighting inside of me BIG TIME.

I always go through with things even though I am scared, so I know that eventually I will be brave enough to just knock on doors, but at this very moment the thought overwhelms me. What if noone wants to talk to me? What if they don't like me? What if I will never find this one great job? Questions and doubts and I hate when I'm in that state.

One good thing though: With this post I guess I have finally decided to make this my official job coaching blog. Hurrah :rolleyes:

Lumina

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