German wife won't return with me to the U.S.

240 posts in this topic

Posted

I seriously cannot understand why the Irish abroad miss that little shite of a country.. The only thing I miss is the taxi ride from Dublin airport, and the psychology lesson included in the fare.. After that it's exposure to austerity soaked in xenophobic, narrow minded, catholic guilt ridden, alcoholic delusion... Ah, but sure the craic like!!!

 

"You left that place for the reason; it cannot provide it's people with a decent standard of living...!!!"

-30

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Posted

Did you and your wife make any kind of agreement about when/if you would move to the U.S. other than when her bills were paid off? Do you consider that an agreement?

 

I have my moments of wanting to move back on account of my son and granddaughter living there. The biggest problem would be health insurance/care at our ages.

2

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Posted

Maybe you should just take a month off and go back home until you get sick of it.

 

 

Then I married a German girl and stayed here for her.

And since you did it for her she thinks you love her enough to stay here for her until she wants to go, which will probably be never. I know I sound sexist, but when you do a thing for a woman like base a major life decision on what she wants then you are pretty much stuck with it.

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Posted

 

Maybe you should just take a month off and go back home until you get sick of it.

 

And since you did it for her she thinks you love her enough to stay here for her until she wants to go, which will probably be never. I know I sound sexist, but when you do a thing for a woman like base a major life decision on what she wants then you are pretty much stuck with it.

 

I was going to make more or less the same suggestion. When I was waiting to start the last part of my studies, I went home for 1 1/2 months. I thought it was going to be great, but after about 3 weeks, I realized "home" wasn't at all like I remembered and was really ready to go back to Europe. That more or less did it for me of ever really being homesick again. As ex-pats when we feel something is amiss, it is easy to thing of the great parts of where we came from because we are only usually there for a week or two at a time and visit all old friends and family without really seeing the realities of daily life.

 

I think as well what you say goes for women or men, if you make the choice to be somewhere because of someone, the other will find hard to accept that you want to be elsewhere.

3

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Posted

 

Then I married a German girl and stayed here for her.

 

 

 

Another fact is that my brother is handicapped and needs someone there at all times. At the moment he has my dad but my dad is only getting older and one day he wont be able to help him anymore. I feel that is my responsibility to be there for him.

 

IMHO at the point that you married the girl SHE is your prime family and takes precidence over "old" family.

(Otherwise it sounds more like "leasing" than getting married!)

3

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Posted

The US was really changed since you left and not for the better.

 

Drones are becoming the norm over the cities.

 

Stop and search procedures are being carried out.

 

Look up boarder search exception.

 

My best friend lives in Northern Vermont and kayaks in a lake that shares its boarder with Canada. He needs to check in with Homeland Security before going out and he is searched upon his return.

 

This leads me to items occurring at the airports.

 

Gaterape: That is what they're calling it where TSA grope you and/or your children.

 

The person at the check n counter can place a special number on your ticket so that you will be stopped and searched and groped.

 

Since you're ex military read what your brothers in arms are writing about in www.veteranstoday.com

 

They are passing a law that allows the government access to your bank accounts.

 

I understand that you want to help out your family - your father and brother, but think about other alternatives like assisted help. Or bring him over and have him live with you.

 

You've made a life in Germany. Do you really want to give it all up and start all over again?

 

I agree that you should go there for a month but I also think that you need to become current with events and the new laws that are being passed.

 

If you decide to stay over on this side of the pond, think about giving up your US citizenship. For more of an understanding go to www.isaacbrocksociety.ca (FYI Tina Turner is renouncing her American citizenship)

 

In the end, it is unfortunately that The US Constitution has become nothing more than toilet paper.

-13

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Posted

 

IMHO at the point that you married the girl SHE is your prime family and takes precidence over "old" family.(Otherwise it sounds more like "leasing" than getting married!)

 

There was an understanding at the outset that the move would take place. It was just a question of when.

As for the above, I'm sorry - but blood is blood. You can be disowned, but it's not like you'll have another brother as you can a spouse after divorce.

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Posted

Married to a German over twenty-five years...same story. I thought my German wife would eventually be in the state of mind to move to the US...especially as I approached retirement years. It won't happen. Germans are like boat-anchors. If you have the slightest feeling that you can't do the eternal German life thing, drop the anchor and leave. There are guys who can do it, and guys who can't. Fifty years ago...I suspect that most all Germans were capable of packing up and moving...today? I'd say only one in eight might have the ability to do such a thing.

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Posted

A lot of good advice. One answer, I do fly back once a year to visit. Just went in January for 3 weeks this year. Everytime I go it gets harder to leave. In the beginning my wife wanted to go but the longer we stay here the less and less she agrees with it. I do also fully understand that by me staying here, I had to start over again. Which she would also have to do if we moved. Just as I did she would also have to learn better english, laws, miss her family and so on. Although because of Military I had already been away from family for some time and had gotten used to missing them. My wife on the other hand has never lived more then 2 minutes from her family and visits them almost everyday. Thinking from both sides it is a very hard situation. Also as others have said, who knows where America is headed down the road. At the moment it doesnt look very promising. I can live with missing family, material things are not that important(everyone misses something from home that they cant get here), I believe that my main concern deep down is that the longer we wait, the older we get, and the harder it will be to "start over" again. These things keep me up at night a lot.

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