My wife wants to get a divorce, but I don't

32 posts in this topic

Posted

Hi,

I was together with my partner for 5 1/2 years before we got married and we have only been married for 10 months. She wants a divorce and I don't. I still love her and she has dropped this bomb on me out of the blue.

We met in Scotland and moved here after university and I've found it hard to get proper work but she's well into in her voluntariat and looming good for the future. I've left the marital flat that we rent and I'm sleeping on the floor of a friends house and of course I want to change this.

What can I reasonable ask from her? I have no savings, literally nothing. I should also ask that she comes from a very wealthy background and has a guaranteed income out with her job of €36,000 a year, plus other income.

I don't want much of it at all, but could I ask for maybe €6,000 to set myself up? pay rent, deposit and some furniture for a new place. I'm looking in flat shares for a room so it wouldn't be more than €500 per month.

What do I do?

Thank you,

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Posted

Get a job and a good lawyer.

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Posted

Read the numerous posts about other TT members that have had, or are going through a divorce with a German spouse. They are packed with information.

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Posted

Since divorce takes what feels like forever to go through, don´t set your hopes on getting €6000 in the near future, even if you may feel entitled to it in some way - maybe in two or three years' time you might get it, but then you might not...

The two of you are likely to have to have a "Trennungsjahr", although it probably depends upon where you got married and under which laws you will get divorced...

I guess you need to get in touch with a lawyer and find out for yourself really.

As for the rest of your life, you are still young and can do anything!

Since you are staying with friends, can one of them maybe help you to get a job?

Is there anything, apart from your wife, tying you to Berlin? If not, I would suggest looking for work almost anywhere and taking whatever you can get until you gain a real sense of direction again.

Do you speak German? If not, then you might well struggle to find work here.

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Posted

Divorce law in Germany generally considers what each of you owned when you entered the marriage and when the marriage ends. If one of you gained in assets during this time more than the other, they would have to split that gain. Even if she was personally wealthy, not just her family, it would not entitle you to any of her money because she had it when she entered into the marriage.

As for your daily needs, if she is making more money than you, you can ask for spousal support during the separation year but you need to get a lawyer and ask for it now because you will not get it retroactively. If you think it will be a good deal for you both that instead of paying you spousal support for a year, she will pay you a lump sum and you will sign away your rights to any further claims, you can certainly discuss that with her.

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Posted

i feel for the OP.. i've just gone through this hell myself.

first thing; contact a lawyer - if you can, go together and come to an agreement. are you on talking terms? it helps.

a few basic rules (as others have mentioned)

- what you each owned before the marriage, you retain

- only your increase in assets is considered for division (50/50)

- whoever earns the most, has to support the other for 1 year (alimony)

she may want to think twice if she is working; and your not.. she is legally obliged to support you. be thankful you didn't have any children together, as i said.. go to a lawyer together, do what is required by law and since your so young; move on and forget about this experience. my situation was very similar; married 14 months, but i was the earner of the house and had some good bonus payments come in.. i settled in the middle by writing an agreement with my wife which was very good for her as well. what i owned before (apartment, furniture, car and cash et al) remains mine. thats one positive of the german system.

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Posted

(Chances are) you two are not going to get back together. If it is only 10 months then that speaks volumes. It says she just doesn't want to try for what ever reason. The reasons could be one of many, but I can't think of any good ones, except that you were somehow mistreating her, but that doesn't sound likely.

Are you really wanting to stay here or did you move here to be with your wife? I would find out if I could go back home until the papers need to be signed, get some work and get the process of starting over moving as quickly as possible. You are just a kid and still have a lot of life ahead of you. Don't get sucked into a fight. Since you've got nothing to lose (or for her to take), I'd ask for a lump sum, get going, and wait for the papers.

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Posted

robinson is right, divorce here can take ages. My own (quite amicable, nothing contested, no children or property, "Trennungsjahr" done and dusted, so perfectly simple) took over two and a half years after my ex-husband lodged the papers to get to court, so don't bank on anything happening anytime soon. You really should get professional legal advice. Wishing you all the best with it all!

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Posted

Yup, best thing is to just go back to your stomping grounds, get a job and forget all this shit. It is what it is...

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Posted

Go back home and get a UK divorce which goes through faster.

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Hmmm...I have no idea what "voluntariat" means so I'm guessing that she's volunteered to do something for someone who may give her a permanent job in the future. So far as it goes what it means is irrelevant. The long and the short of it is that neither one of you guys is making any money I take it but she has well to do family who are paying her way but aren't keen on supporting you. Can you believe it? What hard hearted rascals!

I admit I don't know what voluntariat means but I know what a gigolo is and it sounds like you may be one. So you lived together five years, so what? Now if you'd said that you worked to get her through school and now that she's finished and you're out of work she's ready to dump you it would be different. But, if you were both going to school and her family was supporting both of you (I'm guessing) and now you've both graduated and they feel like you should support yourself or at least contribute financially to the marriage what's your beef? If this is what happened, to be quite honest, I'd be ashamed to whine in a public forum that somehow I'd been wronged.

I understand that it's Europe that we're talking about but still don't you feel just the slightest bit embarrassed as a man to be looking for a way to extend the "free lunch"? I mean that in your post I didn't see one thing that made it sound as though you loved her. In fact, it sounds like the only thing you're going to miss is her bank account. And let me guess, you got a degree in art history or theoretical plankton or some such.

Sorry I'm not very sympathetic but when the focus is on how wealthy the in-laws are red flags go up all over the place. Go home, get a job and grow a pair. Methinks that there's much more here than you're telling.

-17

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Posted

^ ^ Interesting choice of topic for a first post, from North America. :blink: The information super-Autobahn truly does take us everywhere.

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Posted

Do you speak German? If not, then you might well struggle to find work here.

If, as he says, he's in North America, speaking German won't help much.

EDIT: Goodness gracious, where did North America come from? Sorry, folks, must have left my brain on the pillow this morning.

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Posted

The information super-Autobahn truly does take us everywhere.

As do the super assumptions in said post. Wow.

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Hmmm...I have no idea what "voluntariat" means so I'm guessing that she's volunteered to do something for someone who may give her a permanent job in the future. So far as it goes what it means is irrelevant. The long and the short of it is that neither one of you guys is making any money I take it but she has well to do family who are paying her way but aren't keen on supporting you. Can you believe it? What hard hearted rascals!

I admit I don't know what voluntariat means but I know what a gigolo is and it sounds like you may be one. So you lived together five years, so what? Now if you'd said that you worked to get her through school and now that she's finished and you're out of work she's ready to dump you it would be different. But, if you were both going to school and her family was supporting both of you (I'm guessing) and now you've both graduated and they feel like you should support yourself or at least contribute financially to the marriage what's your beef? If this is what happened, to be quite honest, I'd be ashamed to whine in a public forum that somehow I'd been wronged.

I understand that it's Europe that we're talking about but still don't you feel just the slightest bit embarrassed as a man to be looking for a way to extend the "free lunch"? I mean that in your post I didn't see one thing that made it sound as though you loved her. In fact, it sounds like the only thing you're going to miss is her bank account. And let me guess, you got a degree in art history or theoretical plankton or some such.

Sorry I'm not very sympathetic but when the focus is on how wealthy the in-laws are red flags go up all over the place. Go home, get a job and grow a pair. Methinks that there's much more here than you're telling.

Wow, and you signed up all the way from the US just to post that diatribe?

If, as he says, he's in North America, speaking German won't help much.

EDIT: Goodness gracious, where did North America come from? Sorry, folks, must have left my brain on the pillow this morning.

's okay, katheliz, JBB must have confused you there.

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Posted

Wow, and you signed up all the way from the US just to post that diatribe?

Would it have been any better if the signed up from Munich?

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Posted

Get her pregnant and claim child support?

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Wow, and you signed up all the way from the US just to post that diatribe?

's okay, katheliz, JBB must have confused you there.

Don't worry sarabyrd...I'm visiting home (US) soon and will kick JudaBenBong's ass for you. You can always count on me, baby!!

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Posted

Be a man and gentleman and leave the lady in her decision.

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Posted

Lady?

You are stupid... STFU!

post-133917-13633936739643.jpg

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