Being depressed about where you live

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Posted

Is it only the town, or also the actual house/apartment where you live?

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Have a look at the map. How far away are you from the nearest border? Take day or weekend trips to to France or Switzerland. If you don't own a car try to book with Deutsche Bahn 3 months in advance and you will get plenty of good deals.

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I live in a place I hate...well a place where I was born, but don't feel at home. On very shitty days I feel like I'm close to having a breakdown. *deep breath*

 

Although I see you say that moving is not an option, yet, I don't think I could ever live with that. I mean this just would not be an option for me, I would keep trying and trying to move away, until I succeed!

 

However, if you can't move any sooner, then set a goal or make a timeline for your future move, and keep working towards it. Maybe it will give you something to look forward to, especially during the hard times. For instance, every time you're pissed off beyond belief, you can sigh deeply and tell yourself, It.Will.Be.Over.Soon! It.Will.Be.Over.Soon.

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Posted

 

Is it only the town, or also the actual house/apartment where you live?

 

It's only the town. I like my home itself, just not where it is.

 

I am not from here, ended up here due to my parents moving to the area when I was an older teen, then met my future husband and settled down with him. Him and the kids and the house being the reason why I'm stuck here. If I was single, nothing could hold me here!

 

ElJeffo, I try to get away whenever I can, but it never seems to be enough. At some point it also becomes a financial issue. Escapes cost money (but since they are important to me, I suck it up).

 

Aquaminie, I want to get out of here before I'm 50. Not sure how yet but I really know I have to. I don't want to grow old in this place.

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Posted

Have you talked to your husband about this? As you say that it's him and the kids that are keeping you where you are, I'm guessing that his job is there? (But I might be wrong there - it might be your job as well). If your husband knows how you feel, might he be amenable to moving? I know it's not always easy with kids when they're settled in schools and so forth, but at least the two of you could talk and make plans for the future - plot an escape route!

 

If you know that there's an end date it might make it easier to cope with living there in the meantime.

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Posted

Any decent town in 50 kms distance?

 

If yes, can you discuss with your husband about him commuting? (if there is an Autobahn in the vicinity)

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Posted

Have encountered the same feelings due to the same reasons. However, after 9.5 years of sacrifice (and yes despite Munich's positives, that's how I see - professionally and personally), we've decided to leave Germany/Europe.

 

I truly believe that if you value your partner, you try and compromise for the sake of their happiness. My compromise has been made and will hopefully in the next year and a half, be a thing of the past. As others have said, you and xoxoxo really need to sit down and explain to your husbands how unhappy you are. Surely a relationship consists of the needs and desires of two people, not only of one?

 

In answer to the practicalities of getting by on a day-to-day basis from my experience: friends, English TV/radio/literature, travel, going to concerts, hobbies etc.

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Posted

 

It's only the town... I am not from here, ended up here due to my parents moving to the area when I was an older teen, then met my future husband and settled down with him. Him and the kids and the house being the reason why I'm stuck here...

With respect to the fact that you don't want to give too may details but there's something I'm not getting here.

 

OK, I can understand you not having much of a choice of having moved to this area with your parents as a teen.

 

But in all the years between that, meeting your husband, having children and even buying/building (not sure?) a house did you never bring the subject up about hating the area/town? I mean from what you've described it doesn't sound like this cropped up recently. Why would you, or your husband for that matter as well, want to make such a commitment (relationship wise & finanacially) if you're someplace you really hate?

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Posted

 

With respect to the fact that you don't want to give too may details but there's something I'm not getting here.

 

OK, I can understand you not having much of a choice of having moved to this area with your parents as a teen.

 

But in all the years between that, meeting your husband, having children and even buying/building (not sure?) a house did you never bring the subject up about hating the area/town? I mean from what you've described it doesn't sound like this cropped up recently. Why would you, or your husband for that matter as well, want to make such a commitment (relationship wise & finanacially) if you're someplace you really hate?

 

Erika, that commitment was made in 1989, which was a long time ago. It was a good place to raise children in a healthy environment (in all ways), but now I'm done with it.

 

I want to thank everyone who commiserated and shared their own feelings and listed their ways of dealing with it. I am already doing some of them but I got a few new ideas as well.

 

xoxoxo, a big hug to you. My kids are older than yours (based on your age ;-)) so at least I do get frequent escapes. I don't know what I'd do without them.

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I too think you need to have a serious talk with your husband. I'm quite sure he'd rather have a happy wife, if that means moving. My GerMan had to move twice [out of Germany, then out of the crap CA city he dragged me to, kicking and screaming from San Francisco] to try and see me smile again, so I think yours can do it. :)

 

Marriage is about compromise. When mama ain't happy, the whole family suffers!

 

Barring being able to move, my coping strategy has always been gardening, but that can't be done year round in Germany, so I'd say pick up some winter hobbies. Skiing? Snowshoeing? Online chess? ;)

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Smoke a lot of weed. Join a swinger club. Listen to a lot of Emo music. Maybe get into self-hurting.

 

I dunno myself. I'm getting close to the escape hatch thankfully. Good luck stranger!

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Join a swinger club.

 

That too would have to be negotiated. My husband said no nein. :P

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