Suspecting neighborhood girl may have been abused

25 posts in this topic

Posted

Hi,

 

I am looking for a thread which i know is here on TT somewhere but i can't seem to find it.

 

I had a long talk with the girl from across the street the other day. I don't know her very well but she comes over to be with my dogs when she is upset about something. She told me and my girlfriend that she was given cocaine and speed by her 18 year old boyfriend when she was 12 years old. She then changed the story to say the boyfriend was 16 at the time. I suspect she lowered the age as if he was 18 he would be old enough to go to jail. I don't think she lied to us. There is nothing for her to gain from that and for some reason i am one of the few people she trusts.

 

I need to find out what i can do. I obviously need to speak with a lawyer of some sort but...what kind of lawyer would i have to look for. What is it called in German?

 

Next thing is to try and get more information out of her somehow. I don't know if her parents know this and I would like to speak with them but on the other hand, if i break her trust i might not get more information out of her... So, i am also looking for a number where they might be able to give advice on how to proceed. Part from the drugs i can only imagine what else this possible creep may have done to her. Reading between the lines he also sexually abused her...which would not surprise me if he gave her drugs.

 

I also presume or wonder if I actually am obliged to talk to the police, which is one of the reasons i want to speak with a lawyer as well. I have no problem talking with the police what soever but again, it is about breaking the trust and maybe she will put the lid on things.

 

I know this thread had lost of different phone numbers one could call but can't remember the title and I am not finding it. Does anyone know the title for it? Or a good number one could call to ask the million questions I have?

 

Thanks!

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Posted

um, talk to her mother first?

 

The girl will never confide in you again, of course, but not only is this not your problem, it's probably completely inappropriate for you to assume any responsibility over the girl.

 

Barring that you could call the Jugendamt, in case the parents are actually negligent. You do not need a lawyer, because this is not "your" case.

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Posted

Have had that thought too Dessa and you are right. But I am not so sure the mother cares. I am not gonna put the entire story here but lets just say her family life is far from great...that is why i need some kind of advice first but would prefer to have professional advice.

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Posted

If you don't know the family at all, how can you know if the mother cares?

 

What's more, I'm disinclined to believe the story of a girl who cannot keep her facts straight from start to finish. Who knows what kind of stories adolescents make up at that age? By that time, I was pretty much finished telling stories, but when I was younger, I made up all sorts of stuff to get attention.

 

My main point is that something that happened to the neighbor girl of a family you don't know, some alleged two years ago, is a pretty far cry from something you would be well-advised to put heaps of your own time, money and energy into. If you don't want to talk to the mother to assess whether they actually give a rat's ass what's going on in their daughter's life, then leave it to the professionals, that is, the Jugendamt. That is their job, not yours. But in terms of going to the police or hiring a lawyer, it's hardly as if the drugs are still in the girl's system or as if anything can be proven at this late date. The Jugendamt can determine whether the girl's home life is unsatisfactory, however.

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Posted

Thank you Dessa. Then it is the jugendamt i will contact.

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Posted

How is it that you got to talking about drugs with a 14 year old neighbor? There just seems more to this story than you are explaining.

 

I don't agree that you shouldn't necessarily get involved, there may be an issue that should be addressed and to not do so may be morally if not legally wrong, but there is no way to know with what you have posted.

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Posted

 

I suspect she lowered the age as if he was 18 he would be old enough to go to jail.

He'd have to be under 14 to avoid that... and it doesn't matter whether she was 12 regarding drugs, as long as she's under 18 it's illegal to provide her with any.

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Posted

I can't think of a good reason for you to not tell her parents about this.

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Posted

 

Thank you Dessa. Then it is the jugendamt i will contact.

 

I think you should talk to the parents. Its not good for a kid to be in the hands of the state.

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Posted

Minerva, have you asked her if she needs your help or if she wants you to do something to get her help? If she tells you things like that she must be aware that you would worry, and that might be the reason she tells you.

 

And you could check if there is a "Mädchenheim" or Jugenhilfeeinrichtung close to your place. They usually advertise helplines in busses and schools. You could give her telephone numbers to call if she feels she needs help or if she wants to get away.

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Posted

urgh...

 

bad thread for me to get involved in really and considering I have just got home after doing illegal things today (and about to do more after I post this post) it doesn't really leave me in a position to judge.

 

People do drugs. And no matter what you try to do to help this girl it wont change anything apart from cause people lots of grief.

 

I know this wont be a popular answer but let the girl work it out on her own. Getting involved wont change anything and you know what, sometimes people can live a life doing gear and function in the real world also.

 

Don't get involved, let them sort it out themselves.

 

TBFB

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Posted

Dear Boy - You sound as if you can relate to this girl's plight, that you may have had similar problems as a teen. If you were left to sort it on your own, do you feel you're now the best person you could be, or at least a better one than when you were young?

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Posted

without a shadow of a doubt I am a better person for the things that I have done growing up.

 

I don't know the full story about the situation of this girl so I really cant say, but no matter what you do, she will work it out one way or another by herself. What you do wont change anything.

 

I'm sorry if that sounds a bit glum.

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Posted

Well this girl has confided in you. Sounds to me she wants someone to give a damn and help her! Trust your gut instinct and do what you can to help her.. good luck

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Posted

Thanks everyone for the replies and thank you for the thread i could not find. I will make some calls and hopefully she will as well when giving her a few numbers. I know that state care is not a great thing for any child or family but they have been involved before. Just didn't know which one to perhaps contact, what it is actually called in German. Like i said, i don't want to give too many details but i know she has problems at home and i know she does not have many grownups that she trusts. This particular piece of information is on the other hand not about a family member having done something but rather a "boyfriend". Either way, i am sure jugendamt will be able to give advice on what the best way to proceed will be. They will obviously have lot of questions for me before running "knocking down their door" and they are in a better position than me to determine if they need to be further involved, what to do etc.

 

The one thing i don't want is for a young girl to feel that no one gives a shit. If it takes me an hour on the phone with jugendamt, it is well invested time, even if they say to leave it alone or to do this or that.

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