Trying to locate elderly father

50 posts in this topic

Posted

I have recently received word that my elderly father has been placed in aged care and he was appointed a Berufsbetreuer(I assume this is another word for a guardian.)My problem is the Berufsbetreuer wrote me a letter saying he had the Christmas card I had sent my father and that he was appointed by the court as Berufsbetreuer with the court order attatched. He also said that he had no knowledge of me even though the state was told that that my father has 3 children in Australia. I have tried to contact the Berufsbetreuer by email and phone to try and find where my father is and the phone number of the facility but he won't reply.

My elderly father's de-facto wife can't help me with this as my German is very poor and I can't understand what she is saying.

Copy of letter:(I have removed names)

sehr geehrte………….

sehr geehrte…………..

für Herrn ……………habe ich ihre weihnachtskarte erhalten.

ich uberreiche in der Anlage eine der Fotokopie der Bestellungsurkunde des Amtsgerichts Bad Oeynhausen vom …………….aus der ersichtlich ist, dass ich zum Berufsbetreuer fur Herrn …………….bestellt worden bin

Da ich bislang keine Kenntnis von Ihnen hatte kann ich leider auch jetzt erst mitteilen

dass ich zum Betreuer for den Herrn ……………..bestellt worden bin

Ggf. haben Sie die Moglichkeit sich mit mir in Verbindung zu setzen

I find it disturbing that in a modern society that a daughter is being denied to make contact with her father.Can someone help me with this?

-1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

The court would only have appointed a Berufsbetreuer because they had no contact with you, and you are too far away to be helpful. Normally relatives would always be given preference to a Berufsbetreuer. Find out which court appointed the Berufsbetreuer; you need to contact with the Amtsgericht Bad Oeyenhausen and find out the name of the judge who appointed the Berufsbetreuer, and take it from there. ( Actually, the judge's name should be on the documents you received.) If you have a complaint to make, this is the person to make it to. They will let you know name and address of the facility.

A person in an old age home does need someone with legal responsibility who not only lives locally, but who can speak German. Perhaps there was some urgency involved, and not only could you not be located, you were too far away to be able to make the necessary decisions; somebody HAS to have a Power of Attorney and it can't be you if you are in Australia.

It doesn't seem that you are deliberately being denied contact. Perhaps the Betreuer is on holiday, if you are not receiving a reply.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Google is a great institution.

http://www.kliniken.de/pflegeheime/a-z/altenheim/Bad-Oeynhausen-152.htm

Try one of these and ask for your father.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

You are not actually being denied contact to your Father, but the Berufsbetreuer has invited you to contact him initially.

Whilst I can understand it might be hard for you, especially being on the other side of the world, you might also like to think about the possible consequences if just any old Tom, Dick or Harry could come along and say "oh, that´s my parent!", and att he end of the day lay claim to anything there might be to inherit.

I wonder if it would be worth a German-speaker from TT phoning your Mother and finding out what she knows/if she knows anything? - at least she should be able to confirm that you actually are her daughter!

Do you have any other relations living in Germany - any cousins or anything? Maybe they could help...

Gaberlunzi's suggestion of calling the clinics is a good one - is your German up to it?

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Ggf. haben Sie die Moglichkeit sich mit mir in Verbindung zu setzen

I find it disturbing that in a modern society that a daughter is being denied to make contact with her father.Can someone help me with this?

You are not being denied contact but it will be through the appointed guardian. He explicitly says that you have the possibility of contacting him. I recommend that you and your siblings coordinate the next steps and get as much information and as many facts as possible.

Good luck!

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Yes.

When you say this

I have tried to contact the Berufsbetreuer by email and phone to try and find where my father is and the phone number of the facility but he won't reply.

do you mean that you have actually been in contact and the guardian has refused to answer your questions, or that you have attempted to contact him and up to now have received no reply?

As sarabyrd mentioned, he gave you the possibility of contacting him and apologized for the delay in notifying you since he was not aware of your existence (perhaps meaning that he was not given your contact details right away).

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Hi Mrs_Fox,

I find it disturbing that in a modern society that a daughter is being denied to make contact with her father.

No, this "Ggf. haben Sie die Moglichkeit sich mit mir in Verbindung zu setzen" is an invitation to get in contact with him.

1.) If somebody loses the capability to make decisions, the court will try to find some relative to take over those decisions.

2.) If no relative can be found to do so: The court will mandate somebody to do that job: The "Berufsbetreuer", a paid legal guardian.

His job is to do all the paperwork, stop the rental contract, the phone contract, make decisions what to do with the furniture, the car and so on. He also monitors the mailbox if bills show up. That´s how your postcard came to him (No, he is not withholding the postcard from your father).

As a next step I´d suggest what Beuel wrote in #7, prove that you are a relative by sending a copy of your birth certificate. If you have a fax number of the legal guardian, use a fax to do so (as a fax is legaly credible and an e-mail is not).

After that the "Berufsbetreuer" will give you the information you want.

CU

Franklan

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

3 children and nobody seems to have taken steps to avoid this? I know you're 14,000 km away but this is 2013

-3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Steps to avoid what? A guardian being appointed? How can they avoid that or even know that it is happening if they are not there? I am not 14,000 km away from my parents but I would not be able to handle their mail, financials and day to day issues over the phone if they went into care.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

so your parents would suddenly go into care without you knowing and you are worried about their mail? get real bub

I have recently received word

recently??? WTF is that, if my mother fell ill I would know within 5 minutes

-9

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

My mother is 10000 km or so away and I wish there was something like a court-appointed guardian to look after her over there. It's very difficult to keep in touch at such a distance. The only way for me was to visit as often as I could, which due to circumstances was not very often over the past few years. In fact, between 2004 and 2011 I could not go at all. The language barrier (in Mrs Fox's case) is a further handicap.

Perhaps it was just not possible for Mrs Fox or her sisters to come to Germany in the past and everything seemed in good hands -- he has a partner, after all, and one would assume that she would alert the sisters if anything was amiss.

I know that my mother would always insist that she was fine and had everything organized, and knowing how efficient and clever she is I always believed her.

It took a personal visit last year for me to ascertain that everything was very far from fine. I think we should not be so quick to judge, timezoner, though I do get your point. We don't have all the details.

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I understand you too Arunadasi but what is this

He also said that he had no knowledge of me even though the state was told that that my father has 3 children in Australia.

what state or authority is she talking about?

-1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Hi Timezoner,

so your parents would suddenly go into care without you knowing and you are worried about their mail? get real bub

recently??? WTF is that, if my mother fell ill I would know within 5 minutes

I was recently in a situation where I found out that my grand-uncle had died 2 month ago. The other (elderly) relatives had forgotten to tell me! Man, was I pissed!

There is nothing you can do about it, if you don´t get informed (by the relatives living close by).

An odd situation, but calling every other day and asking "are you OK?" isn´t the right thing either.

CU

Franklan

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I guess the OP and her siblings assumed that the stepmother would let them know about any change in Dad's situation but the language barrier seems to be a large problem here.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

recently??? WTF is that, if my mother fell ill I would know within 5 minutes

Cause your mother would phone you? Maybe their dad doesn't have a close relationship with them or maybe he didn't want to worry them. Being put into care is also not the same as being ill. It might just be that he needs help in his daily life that his wife is unable to provide as she is probably older herself. Or maybe he's a bit loopy. Having a guardian just means that he has somebody who takes care of the bills, post etc.

And even if they had known earlier, what are they supposed to do about it? If your mother was going into care, you would move back and stop working so you could take care of her yourself? Maybe that's not an option for them. Besides, it doesn't sound like they've ever lived here, they don't speak German etc.

I have 3 siblings who live in the same town as my parents and I don't think any of them would quit their jobs to take care of our parents if they were about to go into care. They would however take care of their post and bills so they wouldn't need a guardian. And yeah, I am sure I'd also hear about it if my parents went into care and probably before it even happened but that doesn't mean I'd go run and get on the next flight for the occasion.

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I have tried to contact the Berufsbetreuer by email and phone to try and find where my father is and the phone number of the facility but he won't reply.

I can understand your concern about not being able to reach the Berufsbetreuer.

It could be that he's not trying to avoid you, but instead he's on holiday and out of town because of the Christmas and New Year holiday.

So how about trying next week to reach him? I bet you'll have some success.

Good luck.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Most expats know about long distance family relationship and how difficult it can be,particular if that relationship has some "loose" ends and there is a wall of not speaking the same language anymore.So we should not make a fast judgment.OP sent a xmas card and received a berufsbetreuer's notice which means there are no other relatives/friends to notify her of the change of her father's domicile/health condition.Hopefully OP has received notification by now what the situation is.If there is any inheritance at all it will be eaten up very fast by the cost of looking after him in a home for the elderly.I have been looking at it and decided to stay mobile and sane.(sort of)

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Her responding back may be because of the time difference, right now in Australia it's about 0800 in the morning. She's probably get back with you later.

That's really nice of you to offer to help her out.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now