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Bored and lonely

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Posted

Hi everyone

I moved here six weeks ago with my two lovely babies age 3 and 1to be with my partner of two years this jan

He is the father of my youngest and I love him so deeply.

Since I have moved here everything has changed with us, i don't see him all day due to him working(that I don't have a problem with) he will go to his friends to drink after work and then come home after the kids are in bed and at weekends he's drinking again, he don't spend any time with me unless he really has to (such as registering) I'm lucky I live close to his family, I like his mother and sister they are doing everything to help me settle here and without them I would be going crazy. We currently working on getting my oldest child into school he's driving me bonkers lol

I now only see him at night when he staggers home from his "juli hate group" I call it that coz everytime he comes back he give me shit about something or I have done something (ie given him a STI or I'm rude and have attude problem) iv never had a STI and he don't have one but that's the kind of thing he dreams up with his drinking palls, do note that his friends are single is it any wonder?

I do get out on my own sometimes but I'm so depressed, I feel like I'm sinking and the only ppl I know is his mum and sister and there support is just awesome but I'm lacking a good English Convo! I miss going out with friends for a coffee I miss everything I had before I come here.

I'm living in Aachen and desspratly in such of some friends to go have coffee with and just chat or go out and have a life.

I think I'm going crazy!

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Posted

At first I thought, yeah, been there done that, I was stuck at home for a while minding my two children and had no contacts apart from my husband's mother, who lived about a half an hour away and it was very lonely, my husband had horrible working hours and sometimes I would be on my own from Mon though until Friday evening, he would be very tired from work so Friday evenings weren't really much fun either, on the weekends he'd have so much to talk about like all the things that had happened at work, the fun they had during lunch break etc… - me? Well, my week was just full of stories about changing nappies, feeding times, etc… ie not very interesting at all (the consistency of my daughter's poo/puke wasn't really a long term gripping topic)

 

But then I read this bit:

 

 

I now only see him at night when he staggers home from his "juli hate group" I call it that coz everytime he comes back he give me shit about something or I have done something (ie given him a STI or I'm rude and have attude problem) iv never had a STI and he don't have one but that's the kind of thing he dreams up with his drinking palls, do note that his friends are single is it any wonder?

 

WTF???

 

That is terrible, does he go out with his mates EVERY night after work, I'd sit him down and tell him this is not acceptable, maybe talk to his mother about it if this fails (yeah, I know running to his mammy sounds petty and childish, but if he doesn't reapond, you have to do something, don't let yourself be treated like this

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Posted

Alarm bells right and left. I'm glad that at least some people on his side of the family are supporting you. Sounds like he has an awful lot of growing up to do.

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Posted

Yes every night, he don't come home after work he just going strate them. Iv tryed talking to his mum and she's not happy about it also! His sister has also tryed but this it's made things worse. Ha says we are all gang up on him, but that's not true I don't bother saying anything to him anymore, I'm just greatful the kids don't see him drunk or drinking tbh.

Iv tryed everything! But now my attude has changed I'm hoping he may notice that I'm not intrested anymore or botherd or maybe that's what he wants, only one way to find out right?

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Posted

 

Iv tryed everything! But now my attude has changed I'm hoping he may notice that I'm not intrested anymore or botherd or maybe that's what he wants, only one way to find out right?

 

If it's only you trying, then as hard as it may be, you really need to re-think your situation, do you really want to be in a relationship like this - not easy to leave when there's kids involved, I know, I've been there too, in my case it was only one child, but I got out and evntually met the most wonderful man who I am now happily married to.

 

I wish you the best of luck and hope you find someone in your area to talk to, you need to get out and have a life of your own, your children are important and should always be your priority, but you shouldn't forget yourself in the process

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Posted

I am not sure finding friends will solve your situation at home aside from easing your boredom.

 

you say your kids don't see your partner drunk, but they certainly pick up on the atmosphere and it is only a matter of time before they see and hear him being drunk and nasty to you.

 

would you be so much worse off without him? you will probably still have the support of his mum and sister.

he is not going to change whilst you stay with him that is for sure, you are somehow allowing him to behave this way.

 

my advice would be to ask him to go to counseling and change his ways and if he does not comply leave him.

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Posted

I'm well aware that finding friends will not fix the problem at home but it will help me in many other ways.

And no I'm not going to put up with it! I'm going to live my life and enjoy it with or with him.

I'm very intrested in getting out there seeing what life is like here in Aachen! Hence why I'm hear :D to see what's what lol.

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Posted

 

Sorry for being so blunt but...

 

..sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, I guess :(

 

 

And no I'm not going to put up with it! I'm going to live my life and enjoy it with or with him.

I'm very intrested in getting out there seeing what life is like here in Aachen! Hence why I'm hear to see what's what lol.

 

Good for you!!!

 

As they say, today is the beginning of the rest of your life

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Posted

Oh my days, I'm doing this on my phone and I don't know where it's been posted *sigh* sorry admin and everyone if it's in the wrong place.

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Posted

No, it's fine. Threads usually get moved to a location-specific category or one where more people will read them.

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Posted

Great site btw :D iv found lots of useful info hear from anything to everything, great job x

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Posted

You could take a German course (or any other course if your German is ok) at your local VHS (Volkshochschule) . Learning German will not only make you more independent, but I am sure you'll meet some people there you like and you'll make some friends.

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Posted

 

I love him so deeply... he don't spend any time with me unless he really has to (such as registering)... now only see him at night when he staggers home from his "juli hate group" I call it that coz everytime he comes back he give me shit about something or I have done something (ie given him a STI or I'm rude and have attude problem)

 

Don't worry, love, looks like you're both going through the so-called "honeymoon phase" of the relationship. I'm certain if you relax and give your partner a bit of time and space, the hormones will settle down somewhat and his passion for you will mellow into something more bearable. Hang in there, and thanks for opening up to us.

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Posted

 

Don't worry, love, looks like you're both going through the so-called "honeymoon phase" of the relationship. I'm certain if you relax and give your partner a bit of time and space, the hormones will settle down a bit and his passion for you will mellow into something more bearable. Hang in there, and thanks for opening up to us.

 

Honeymoon phrase? :lol:

 

The honeymoon phase is when couples are inseparable and can't get enough of being in each other's space and finish each other sentences. The honeymoon phase is when every thing is glorious and hunky-dory.

 

This sounds like something completely different if she's saying she's spending most of her time alone being "fed up" and consequently is seeking new friends to spend her time with.

 

What it sounds like to me she's describing a scenario of a man who isn't quite ready to make the transition from his single life to live up to his responsibility of having a family at home now. He continues (for what ever reason, but I suspect immaturity) to live his life like he's single with possibly even some alcohol issues to boot, if he's staggering home every night and then becomes verbally confrontational.

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Posted

@Lavender Rain: Sarcasm Alert! ;)

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