Hopeless and depressed

123 posts in this topic

Posted

Why do I do this to myself?

You may have answered your own question (I've bolded it to make it obvious).

I am so depressed that I just lie in bed all day and do nothing. I sleep, or browse the internet, and just mope around.

Here's a quote from a Monty Don book I read recently: "If nothing else - and one of the points about depression is that there is nothing else for great spans of muddy time - it gave me time to think". I love it when someone else articulates something well that I have always been unable to express properly. Don't think you're alone in feeling the way you do. It's a horrible illness.

Have a read of this thread on where to get help. This thread, from another poster in a somewhat similar situation who did get help, might also be worth reading: Psychiatric problems, sick leave, and immigration - Germany

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Posted

Oh no, I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. Right now is the worst time to feel like you are feeling. I honestly believe this grey and wet weather and the lack of sunlight influences anyone, even the most cheerful people. I'm sorry I can only give you two little bits of advice right now. First is go outside everyday for at least one hour in the middle of the day, when the sun is at the highest point, even if you don't see the sun. It won't solve all your problems, but it will lift up your mood and prevent you from falling deper into depression.

Second is talk to people no matter how unfriendly they appear. Many people walk around without a smile on their face, but they will be happy to help you and speak English with you when you ask them for something, even if you just ask them what time it is.

Also try to approach all your worries one by one and don't feel guilty about anything. I'm sure you would be happy to help your boyfriend if he was in your position.

And please talk to your doctor about your suicidal thoughts. They may be a side effect of your medication and should be taken extremely serious. You are 22 and you will have so many better times ahead of you, even if you find that hard to believe right now. Please don"t give up. Good Luck

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Posted

well done for confiding to the TT masses there will be loads of really good advice being posted here am sure.

might we ask for your approximate location?

your boyfriend sounds really lovely, and he is with you because he loves you, do not think you do not deserve him.

have you confided him your suicidal thoughts, this is a lot to bear on your own.

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Posted

First of all, you are not a waste of space. You're going through a bad patch and there is no shame in that.

You've come to a new country, where you don't speak the language, for the sake of a relationship you can't talk to your friends and family about and you're feeling ill. Honestly it's not surprising you're depressed, major life changes are always difficult and stressful (even when we're happy about making them) and having no-one around to talk to, you can end up feeling very lonely and isolated.

Whereabouts in Germany are you? With a bit of luck there are some people on the forum who are nearby and might be able to meet up with you. Having someone to talk to can be a big help! You're really not alone.

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Posted

Firstly, you've come to the right forum. TT is full of great advice, empathy and people who will take the time to listen.

Going back to the urinary tract problems, as rockfisher says, that sounds very odd. It is not normal to have an infection or pain on a continuous basis let alone for another 5 years. I can only imagine how unbearable it is, and so I really think you should get a second opinion. An improvement in this area would also allow you to have an intimate relationship with your boyfriend. Although not utmost to your mental or physical health, it seems you feel alot of guilt to those around you - your boyfriend being foremost.

Think you need to take one step at a time, and that also includes resuming your classes. Not only would you get out of bed, get fresh air, feel productive, but once again not feel the guilt of non-attendance. And it's not a big deal at all that you've missed classes in the first place. Truly.

As for the depression, you need to see a professional. If you've been under the cloud for 10 years, something needs to be done. But that can only happen when you are not in physical pain.

Best wishes and remember there is so much beauty in life, and it will come to you too.

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Posted

I'm busy but the first thing I'd say to you is if you drink alcohol to completely give it up while you are in this state of mind.

I have had the Blues out here - not able to get out of bed, but I'd say getting fit helps. I was really rock bottom in early summer but I was actually self meddign with light alcohol. Not much but enough to make me feel rotten.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you like.

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Posted

Remember too that it's the dark time of the year, and that may be adding to your depression. Get some of those special light bulbs and see whether the changed light helps you while you're exploring other avenues to brighten your life.

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Posted

My heart goes out to you!! There is some very good advice here and I do hope you take it. I loved and agree with everything chaos amoeba said. Start off with baby steps!

You did mention you weren't close with your parents. Is there maybe some unforgiveness there? I only ask because my mom suffered with depression and I can remember, when I was a kid, her moods. One day things changed. First of all she had a lot of unforgiveness (these are her words) towards her mom and she finally forgave her. Secondly, she was diagnosed not only with depression but with bi-polar. When she got her meds for that it changed her for the better. I can remember it being like going from night to day with my mom. If we noticed she was being a bit grumpy we'd jokingly ask if she took her meds :). Maybe something to see about. Same with my son-in-law. My daughter and him were going through a hard time because he was also depressed. The docs diagnosed him, as well, with bi-polar and now with his meds my daughter said their marriage has improved greatly!

Please, do find some help. With you having already reached out here on TT, that's one baby step forward. Be glad and continue. I'm rooting for you!!!

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Posted

Just to add to what some others have already mentioned - part of it, however minor it might seem, could be the weather. The past few weeks I've been really, really down, and I know a lot of it is the fact that I suffer from horrible Seasonal Affective Disorder this time of year. Days get shorter, there are fewer sunny days, and everyone in the streets seems a bit mopey too. It's one of the reasons when people tell me they want to visit Berlin in December (or really anytime in the winter months) I usually tell them to think twice and consider visiting during another season. On the positive side, visiting the Christmas markets with my husband usually makes things a bit better for both of us. Plus, we are both runners (and when we don't run we walk or go to the pool), which forces me out of the house once a day no matter what. One small step you could try is a bit of exercise - it doesn't have be with others, just visit a nearby park during the afternoon when others are out working, and bring along some music or podcasts if you can't bear the thought of other people around or interacting with them (hey I know how you feel, my German sucks). If you live in the Berlin area I can provide suggestions on which parks are good for that and which to avoid!

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Posted

Nothing new to add; just to tell you you are not alone, and that what these others have posted is all top advice.

If you suffer from depression, or even suspect you might be, don't do what I do, do what I say: get help!

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Posted

I'm so sorry to hear that you're hitting brick walls at the moment, and I hope there is someone in your area that can meet you in person and try and lift you up a little.

Strangely, moving from the US to Germany (I'm Australian) wasn't a problem for me, but the prior move from Thailand to the US really pulled me down for about 5 months. I didn't have any friends and my husband was working long hours and it did suck. Looking back, I should have gone to see someone about it, just to talk it through, but I didn't and things did improve over time - thought I know that's not much help to you now.

Regarding the bladder infection, I'm no doctor but I had a few awful bouts of cystitis when I was about your age, and I'm happy to give you the best bit of info that I was ever given (men might want to look away now!). After you've made love to your man, snuggle for a bit, but then get up and pee. Don't fall asleep without peeing after sex. Since I was told that, and practiced it religiously, I've never had cystitis again (20 years). You'll still need to finish your course of antibiotics and you might want to try and find some cranberry juice to drink (it neutralises acid in your bladder, I think!). Any doctor that says it'll go away in 5 years or so is talking absolute rubbish.

I know that right now things are really sucking in your life, and having people say "It will get better" doesn't help - but there's lots of people on TT who've felt very down after moves to Germany, or other places, and we pretty much all have gotten through it. You will get through this too.

If there are any TT members in your area that have offered to meet up with you, say YES, even through your mind is telling you that you want to hide away. You have to get out of the house.

It WILL get better. It will. Hang in there.

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Posted

Please share where you are in Germany, as it's likey that the local TTers will reach out to you! When you are in a foreign place and lonely, human contact is a godsend.

I remember reading a thread a while ago about someone who was feeling very at sea here, and there was a lot of good info on there, but I can't seem to find it... any ideas?? It ran for a gazillion pages and had loads of outpourings on it (including my own).

Please, please seek proper medical help. Both for your physical (urinary) problem and for emotional / psychological issues. If you are not satisfied with previous consultations, go to others. Although it will be hard, it would be great if you could tell your partner this, because as well as supporting you, he will pressure / encourage you to seek others docs who may be able to help more. I know that this pressure is something you don't want, but if he's got your best interests at heart, it will be better for you. Sometimes we just really need that push / pressure to get us doing someting important where otherwise we might bury our head in the sand.

I wish you the very best of luck, and hope that you reach out and take help where ever you can.

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Posted

Congratulations for making the effort to post...I think there are a lot of us who have been in your shoes.

The first things that come to mind when you're near or at rock bottom: force yourself to shower and wear clean clothes, force yourself to leave the house at least once a day, find a human being to speak with, on the phone or in person (preferably from TT).

I always find that getting as active as possible can slow down the spiral. Keep telling yourself that things will get better, even if you're not feeling it. And remember that you are not alone!

I'm near Stuttgart and would be happy to meet or speak on the telephone if you need. Good luck!

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Posted

Hello everyone, thank you so much for all of your responses. Thank you for being so kind and giving such supportive words.

I am located in the Heidelberg area.

Thank you chaos for your advice...that is exactly what I need to do. I need to take baby steps in trying to help myself feel better. These days it's so hard to just get over the bump of getting out of bed. I often find it hard to eat anything. Another big problem is that, though I had some financial standing before I came here, it is now gone and my boyfriend doesn't really have a stable job that pays well so it is trouble finding food to eat sometimes. I feel guilty sometimes when I tell him I'm hungry and there isn't much to eat here. The small amount of money we have goes towards gas to get to all the doctor's offices and prescriptions for me and I also feel so guilty about that. I feel like I'm just a sad depressive lump who is a big money drain. I feel so stuck here financially too now because I don't have a job, nor can I get one with the visa I have. I have no way of buying a plane ticket anywhere or even back to the US. It is so hard not being able to do much and feeling like I can't do anything because it costs money to get somewhere with gas and public transportation and even a small coffee at a cafe.

To those who said I need to seek professional help; I have been seeing a psychiatrist but he just wants me to take medicine to make myself feel better, and then when I'm in a better state of mind he said he would like to talk more about the roots of my depression then. I just don't know when I will start feeling better with this medicine. What if I never do? It's so hard to schedule for a new appointment with a doog psychiatrist or psychologist. I don't know if seeing another one 3 months from now would help me...not now, anyways...

Also about the urinary thing... sorry if it's too much information but I've been suffering with UTIs for about 2 years nonstop. It's been a huge stress on my life and is a huge factor in my depression. I get a new infection every 3 days and I'm on antibiotics constantly. I feel so weak on them. So many adverse side effects and I hate it. I have followed every bit of advice like drinking tons of water and I drink cranberry juice and pee after sex and everything and have seen many doctors about it... after much arguing with my urologist he finally said that he would do some exams on me to see if anything really is wrong. He told me that it is completely normal for someone my age to get them frequently and that he doesn't see any need for formal exams. He is a highly rated doctor but I just couldn't understand how me being sick almost every day is normal... I've felt so pushed away by doctors...

I do not drink alcohol, nor do any drugs. I'm not close to my parents because they were never really around when I was growing up. We had a lot of issues with my depression and "acting out" when I was younger. They almost got a divorce and blamed it on me and how I wasn't acting "normal" when I was a teenager.

I'm tired of feeling this way... I want to take these baby steps to get better, I really do. I don't want to feel like this...

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Posted

hey, I don't know about psychiatric medication but I'm sure that if it doesn't kick in/help (which isn't uncommon), your doctor will change tack. If not, just ask how long s/he expects it to take to start having an effect.

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Posted

Hi there ,

Sorry to read about your situation . I can´t give you any advice on the medical side of things , only to say that i would try and stay clear of prescription pick me up medicine if possible . In my opinion , there are things available over the counter which can help , just for example Johaniskraut is a recognized herbal remody against stress . Vitamins B5 ,B6 and B12 , Panththensäure Biotin and Magnesium can also help . Also , try and find some sot of sport or activity which makes you happy . Go jogging , swimming , whatever rocks your boat , to get your happy hormones flying . I know its easier said than done but just try and make the effort .

Another thing to remember is , that when you are out and about in public , NO ONE gives a damn what you look like or what you are doing . Trust me , everyone is too preoccupied with their own lives , and has their own problems . I know that each innocent glance can be misinterpreted , and you can think that someone is looking at you in an unpleasant way . THEY ARE NOT , they have probably seen something next to you , or above or behind you , but the chance that you are their focal point is very small . As for people muttering over their breath , this is something that a lot of people do without even realizing it . I am one of them , i will be walking along thinking about something ,( it could be that someone has got under my skin at work ) and comment on it to myself . The comment is directed at absolutly no one .

What i am trying to say ( and probably not very well ) is , that you are a perfectly normal person who appears to be lacking in a great big helping of self confidence . Get out in the world and hold your head up high . You have nothing to be ashamed of , and no reason to hide away . Look people in the eye , and don´t deliberatly avoid eye contact .

One last point i would make is to try and talk to your partner about your problems / worries . Don´t bottle it up and try to make out that everything is fine . If he lves you like you love him , then he will do everything he can to support you .

More than anything though , i think that you have basically got to learn to love yourself again . Remember that you are a normal person with a right to enjoy everything that life has to offer them . I hope you will soon get over this difficult period in your life .

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Posted

I remember reading a thread a while ago about someone who was feeling very at sea here, and there was a lot of good info on there, but I can't seem to find it... any ideas?? It ran for a gazillion pages...

A sleepless rant is a recent one on this theme, although not the one MrsD is referring to, it has some useful thoughts in it, too.

@OP - you are brave to have written as you have, do get another medical opinion on your constant infections - that is truly not normal and must be debilitating.

On another thread I came across this link which I have not yet tried, but intend to. Maybe you can up your confidence in German online, and re-join your class without feeling silly.

Thinking of you.

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