Kita teacher dragged our daughter to the toilet

109 posts in this topic

Posted

Hi everybody,

 

I would really love some advice.

 

I moved to Germany a couple of months ago with my 3 year old daughter and her father. We found a Kita for her and started taking her a couple of weeks ago. She's never been in any sort of Kindergarten before. The first few days were fine, we stayed with her and she seemed absolutely fine, she got on so well infact that after the fourth day, we felt comfortable enough to leave her there.

 

However, a couple of days later, something changed and she became an absolutely nightmare when we picked her up - it was fine dropping her off, but rhen when we picked her up, she turned in to some sort of devil child - the whole way home she would scream, kick, make her whole body rigid, she seemed traumatised - we have NEVER witnessed her like this before and it was really worrying and upsetting to see her like that, and we were just shocked.

 

We talked to her teacher about it, after it occured two or three times and she didn't really say anything. We did notice though that our daughter seemed to suddenly really dislike her teacher - no eye contact, just saying no to her all of the time and not letting her near her - that's when it started that she did not want us to leave, she was completely clingy and screaming and upset and she wouldn't play with any of the other children, she just wanted to be with us the whole time - if we even slightly moved away, she would freak out.

 

So we had to stay with her, even though the teacher made it quite obvious that she didn't want us there and it was inconvenient for her. In the end, the teacher said we should just leave and that was best for our daughter. So, begrudgingly, we did, even though we could hear her screaming and wailing all the way down the stairs. We really didn't feel good about it.

 

The next day, again, our daughter didn't want us to leave and did not want to be near her teacher, then my daughter told me that she had to use the toilet, so I went with her and kind of waited a few feet away from her, as she is more than capable of going by herself, so anyway,she just sat down on the toilet, but then her teacher came out and my daughter came running up to me, so the teacher grabbed her by her arm and LITERALLY dragged her to the toilet - her body was scraping against the floor - and slammed her down on the toilet - all infront of me and my daughter's father, who also saw the whole thing. I was so, so angry and upset - and obviously, so was my daughter too - she was hysterical - no-one has ever done anything like that to her before. I was as calm as possible and told the teacher that that was unacceptable and that no-one does that to my daughter etc. She didn't say anything, just walked away.

 

I wanted to go straight home, but my daughter's father (who's German, speaks better German than I do!) told her how that wasn't on and we were upset and then we went home.

 

So, we've kept her out of Kita since then - I don't trust the teacher and I don't think I would ever feel comfortable enough leaving her there again. It seems to me pretty obvious that something like that has happened before, which would explain the sudden change in my daughter's behaviour.

 

So, anyway, the teacher rang yesterday and asked us to come in for a talk. Half of me thinks just forget about it, son't take my daughter there any more - how can I? It's just such a shame because it would be really good for my daughter's social and language skills, she doesn't have any other children to play with. And all of the other Kindergarten's are completely full and you can't even go on the waiting list.

 

My daughter's father thinks that we should maybe give it another go - explain to the teacher that that should never happen again and try to move on. But I'm more of the opinion that we shouldn't - I don't trust her and if anything ever happened again, I'd feel terrible knowing that I knew what it was like there.

 

Thank you for listening!

 

Any suggestions??

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

 

Greenie for you, SP:-).

 

they dont last for long!!! :lol:

-2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

 

or go punch her in the throat! Bitch!

 

... and I can't agree with the use of violence to solve the situation - it would only escalate the situation and probably get the OP in trouble too.

(however, I agree with the sentiment!)

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

If I was a betting man, I would say that the teacher called this meeting because she knows she is in the shit and wants to talk to you to ensure you don't talk to the school director and get her arse busted. Maybe she's on her last warning for doing stuff like this? Maybe the director turns a blind eye to violence?

 

Have you ever wondered why this Kita has places open and the others all have waiting lists?

 

I have no problem with others disciplining my kids, but physical roughness for absolutely no reason is a big no-no, ESPECIALLY in a job such as hers.

 

That said, the bedding-in phase at a new Kita or school can be traumatic, and the "you can leave now mama, we'll be fine" attitude whilst the kid is screaming blue murder is (in my opinion) a valid and relatively widespread method at German institutions. Also, there are incompetent doctors, mechanics, builders and so on, you won't love EVERYONE your kid comes into contact with in her life...

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I was forced to stay for ages at the kita, even though I refused to be in eyeshot (it was absolutely the worst thing for my little) and I found that German kitas required you to hang about for absolute ages.

 

In any case, Berlin has lots of kitas. We had no issues at all when we changed one, and any waitlists I have seen have been for under 3's, who are on a different priority (and require more supervision). Just change kitas,report the woman to the head, and take your kitaschein with.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Thanks guys :)

 

I spoke to the head on the phone and she just said I should speak to the teacher about it, I explained that I already had and the head said that there was nothing else she could do (!) I asked if it was possible that my daughter switch classes, but she just said that she didn't think that was a good idea and also because of the age groups, this would probably not be possible.

 

All of the other possible Kita's are full, the first thing I did was to ring them all. The only other ones are not at all in waling distance, and neither of us drive.

 

Also, just to add, the only other possible teacher she could have at this place is next door to my daughter's room, and the teacher there is constantly, and I mean, constantly, shouting. When we first went there, we both said how we were glad our daughter didn't have her! We were sitting one time waiting for our daughter and a little girl in the class was sick all over the floor and the teacher was angry that she was sick, shouted at her to go and wait outside and so the little girl sat on a chair out of the room being sick in her hands until one of the mums went and got her a bowl and sat with her, comforting her, whilst she was crying for her mum. At no point did the teacher give her eben the remotest bit of comfort or attention, she just cleared up her sick and tutted loudly.

 

Anyway, with regards to my daughter's teacher, she didn't defend herself at all - when I told her as soon as it happened how wrong it was and everything, she didn't have anything to say. And then when we were about to leave, she said 'Oh, I wanted to make sure she didn't wet herself' which was blatantly just some sort of 'excuse' she had come up with to make it seem more ok. But that's ludicrous and just makes it worse knowing that sh's trying to bail herself out.

 

I don't know, should I go there on Monday? Just to tell her that we're not going to take our daughter back because of what happened and maybe try to speak to the head again. I think this might be the sort of situation where they both try to cover their backsides - when my mother-in-law took the phone call from her yesterday, she said how she was acting 'as sweet as pie' on the phone.

 

And you're right, if she's happy to do that infront of both of us, then who knows what she'll do when we're not there.

 

I'm so glad I saw it though so I know what goes on and what has most probably happened before.

 

Thank you so much.

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

 

Thanks guys :)

 

Very sorry for the experience and sorry you are having trouble finding another kita. The Familienamt or Jugendamt should be able to help you find something after you report this kita. Children your daughter's age can be seriously injured (broken arm/dislocated) by being dragged. We fired an au pair when I saw a similar incident and I had to stay home from work until we had replaced her- I know how hard it can be.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Go to the JA and ask them if you think she should be reported to the police...

 

Simplz

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now