German wife wants divorce

77 posts in this topic

Posted

I am not a lawyer so no legal advise just my opinion which you probably won't like very much - I am not a native English speaker so I appologise if my English is not 100% correct. Sorry but this sounds like you have been pretty much living off your wife (her parents). If she wants a divorce and is not asking you to move back to Germany, then she simply doesn't wants you back. If I were you I would go on with my life in Australia, even if you are hurt and angry, and check if getting divored in Australia instead of in Germany is the better option for you (financially) - I think in Germany your wife is eligible e.g. to a percentage of your retirement funds (if you worked) which does not apply if you get divorced in another country - thats why I got divorced in the US. If your wife doesn't work - even if her familiy is wealthy and supporting her and the children - I am sure that you still must pay child support and probably even spousal support at least until the little one can join Kindergarden (remember you made these children, too, so why would you not want to support them financially?) - unless she waves this right which I am not sure she can even if she wanted (German law?). Why would you contest the prenup? Can't you take responsibility for your own life? This will just make her mad and you will have a harder time seeing or talking to your kids on the phone or skype. Try to be reasonable with her, come to a mutual agreement that suits both of you (including visitation rights) and behave like civilised people for the sake of the children.

-66

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Posted

 

You need the answers to these questions before you decide to cross the world to be with her again.

Not necessarily. The question is not just whether he's going to cross the world to be with her again because there are kids involved and, even if the relationship with his wife is beyond repair, it's entirely possible that he may want to be close to his kids.

 

OP, have you read through some of the other numerous threads on divorce and separating already? If you try to ignore some of the more emotional outbursts (which might not make you feel any better) there is a wealth of information already on the site. I think there's even a Wiki on it but I don't seem to be able to open any of the wiki pages at the moment so I'm not sure.

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Posted

Sorry you're having to go through this.

 

 

Will I have access to my children,

Yes. The question is in which country.

 

 

 

 

can they visit Australia?

Only with your ex-wife's permission.

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Posted

Oh and yeah I do think she has a bit of an attachment issue with her father.

 

IF you do manage to get things working again, get her away from her parents ASAP, so she can learn to be independent and make her own decisions. Also perhaps when all is well.

 

OK this next piece of advice is not exactly morally right, but she is basically doing the same to you at this moment. If things work out with you guys, try to get back to Australia with the whole family and stay in Australia. If she gets fed up again, tell her that she can pack up and leave, but that she is not taking the kids with her. So she can go back to her friends and he obsession with her daddy.

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Posted

as Westvan said earlier, there is a wealth of information on TT about this sort of thing. Many TTers have had to go through, nice pleasant divorces, as well as nasty bitter ones. So spend some time reading through some of them and you will get a feel of what to expect.

 

Simply type Divorce into the search box and I am sure you will get more than your fill.

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Posted

Christ, I feel for you. Australia is a long way from your kids, and I have to assume she won't help with travel costs when you want to see them. How did you get along with FIL?

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Posted

Hi Oz10,

 

I know a Puerto Rican guy here whose sole reason for living in Germany is that his ex decided to move back to Germany from California (where they were living together) with their two kids. He'd never lived here, didn't have a word of German, but decided to follow them to be able to maintain a relationship with his kids.

 

If you want a real relationship with your kids (yes I know you do), you will have to move back to Germany. Yes, you will end up labouring for starters, but as your German language skills increase, you will also find easier and better paid jobs. Seeing as you're working for the police, a job in security shouldn't be hard to come by (once you have sufficient German, I'd assume).

 

Your wife is the one wanting the divorce - make sure you don't just simply agree to it. Make sure you get anything and everything out of it that you can. I don't mean financially, I mean make sure the authorities grant you everything that you should be granted in relation to access to your kids etc.

 

The very best of luck to you.

4

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Posted

Mate, not great and I hope you both sort things out maturely together, whatever way it goes.

 

IMHO there are two main aspects to this situation and your questions:

 

1. Why? Can I rescue the situation, or do I want to? How?

2. Who gets what.

 

Number 2 is easy, I believe what you go into the marriage with, each party leaves with; with the addition of anything created during the marriage split evenly. The law in both Australia and Germany generally agrees with this approach, without the added complicated calculations of children, custody, pre-nup, etc. I'm not sure on the pre-nup, but as long as the kids are looked after, does it matter? Must you both go down that road... ?

 

Number 1 is something only you and your wife know. Sure sounds to me like she is fed up with you not being at home and wants her husband to be at home, with the kids, helping and providing. A pretty standard basic need for a woman. To me it sounds like a trip back home to discuss this like adults with your wife is in order. Some items of discussion may be: Can you really get work in Germany? Have you learned the language? Why are you really back in Australia (apart from work)? Do you prefer it there, or do you want to make it work in Germany? What about the kids? Also, her family surely plays a role as other posters have indicated - are there underlying influences/issues there? And of course, perhaps some cultural misunderstanding between the two of you? Quite some open and honest conversations to be had, to ensure everyone is on the same page.

 

Which ever way it then goes, you will both be able to sleep soundly on the fact that you gave it your best shot and maturely discussed a massive life-changing decision together.

 

Best of luck.

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Posted

Oz10, mate, you have married a spoilt princess. Did she ever have any intention of following you back to Australia? I think not. More likely your leaving in advance was a ruse to get rid of you. Sounds harsh, I know, but that's what I read between the lines of your post. Dropping the bombshell of "I wanna divorce" is much easier when you're already separated, your poor spouse is living thousands of kilometers away and you can just slam down the phone. My guess is that's what your wife has been secretly planning for a while now; likely even well before you left.

 

The usual advice, unsentimental and without blowing smoke up your arse: lawyer up. Best of luck.

 

@Askia7: Why don't you take your poor English and even worse advice and run away and play.

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Posted

Thanks rob 2011,

 

Some interesting things to think about. I must say thank god for my work at the moment as I dealing with other people's problems that I sometimes think is mine that bad. No one has died/beaten up etc. But I will follow you up on that and speak to some one about it.

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