Tell us your "Airplane roulette" stories

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Posted

We all know that feeling. You've caught a flight to nowhere on the cheapest ticket you could find on the Internet and it's gonna be at least six hours of economy in a seat thats broken and won't recline. You've done your research and discover that your chosen carrier has the smallest seats north of Valparaiso, not to mention that you were under the impression that the plane your now sitting in was no longer in service in the first world.

So there you are. You've gotten an aisle seat and because your a freqflyer you got to board a little early. Now you've got your eyes peeled on the door watching as a gay (male)flight attendant greets everyone coming aboard and showing them just how he actually has something better to do.

Now the roulette starts. Will it be the hot 21 year old girl in that short skirt/hunky life guard guy or that heavy boned huffing and puffing, sweat on the forehead, barely fitting through the aisle walrus?

post-25561-12880209832008.jpg or post-25561-12880210674802.jpg

My cutest seat partner was a little old lady flying for the first time (70ish) and real nervous. She sort of had it under control until we got to the runway in our DC-10 when she just grabbed my hand without asking, probably thinking this was it. I didn't mind, hopping we wouldn't have any air pockets across the Atlantic for the next eight hours. We talked some and I calmed her down by the time we crossed Labrador.

Another time it was a Hungarian smelling awful. A mixture of garlic, sweat a onions. After an hour of that I went and pleaded with the flight attendant that I couldn't stand it anymore and so she moved me aft.

Another time it was two German kids flying as unaccompanied minors who after a few hours of boredom started showing some souvenir/presents off to each other including a letter opener (don't kid anyone, it looked like a huge knife). He was showing it off just as the cute flight attendant walked by. It's not often you see someone react that fast but she just lunged for it taking it off him while he stared wide eyed (around 14). After she had relieved him of ownership she gave him in polite but stern language that she would expect more commonsense on his part and please next time stow it in the luggage. She then brought it to the captain who kept custody of the knife till we landed and "personally" returned it to the twat at the gate.

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Posted

I was really hoping such a picture would be accompanied by some kind of relevant anecdote.

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Posted

Another time it was a Hungarian smelling awful. A mixture of garlic, sweat a onions. After an hour of that I went and pleaded with the flight attendant that I couldn't stand it anymore and so she moved me aft.

I've had one of those - must have been on an LH 747 FRA to Washington. Econ. I had (reserved) the aisle seat & a little old lady had the window. We were both hoping that the seat between us would remain empty. Along comes a guy as described by the OP (but from the darkest continent), sat in the middle seat (aroma) them said words to effect of I must go to toilet & dissappeared. Old lady rolled her eyes.

The plane was just about full. By time he emerged from the toilet all were seated & for some reason someone in an aisle seat a few rows back moved. Somehow I managed to persuade the guy that an aisle seat was much better for him & off he went.

Little old lady leant across & whispered You did that very well. :ph34r: :(

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Posted

When flying back from Munich I was sitting next to an elderly lady who was having chest pains. Then was put on oxygen. From there the captain needed updates as to if he needed to land early due to her condition. She didn't speak German or English. I had to figure out what she was saying trying to communicate since the flight attendants were useless. When we landed at Chicago O'Hare airport they had an amublance waiting and it was determined she had a heart attack.

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Posted

I used to fly to Dublin from Glasgow each week. One time, the flight included a holidaying group of particularly large Americans.

The aircraft wasn't exactly generous in terms of seat dimensions (a BAe146), so was quite amusing watching these obese characters immediately lift each arm rest to enable their mass to fill every available space.

Well, I found it amusing until one of them sat next to me - I was in a window seat. Spent the flight feeling like I was being suffocated by a warm, sweaty pillow.

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I had a couple of great neighbours on long-haul flights recently; an amazing girl who was sat at the window whilst I was in the aisle and was so determined not to wake me that she climbed over me whilst I was asleep to go to the toilet and I didn't even notice and a guy who was very interesting and who I ended up meeting at a party at our destination a couple of days later along with his friends.

I also however ended up by complete random computer generation sitting next to a work colleague of my ex who once we realised we had people in common insisted on getting as much information as he possibly could despite me insisting that there was nothing that I could give him... and another time when I was on a packed flight to London surrounded by Italian school kids and a very very attractive man got the aisle sit next to me and introduced himself and we had a bit of a chat only for him to be led away by the stewards and be replaced by a very big and unfriendly mulletted German. Disappointing :-(

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Posted

I have had a couple of interesting experiences. Two stand out in my mind at this late hour...

1. By chance I boarded and was seated NEXT to my parents next door neighbor on a flight from Seattle to SF at 4pm on a Thurs. Totally random. He was in the beginnings of setting up his business and was selling to a couple of clients in Seattle. That was such a nice surprise as my parents have great neighbors on both sides.

2. I was seated next to a singer for a death metal band (tattoos piercings everywhere, you know tough) and we were landing at LAX. The Santa Ana Winds had kicked up something fierce and we were the last plane to be landing for the next few hours as it was too dangerous. But I guess not too dangerous for our last little plane??!! It was scary and the plane was teetering back and forth. I look over at my seat mate and he is whiter than white, completely scared and close to panic and he had a death grip on my hand. I just told him it would be fine, we would be walking off the plane in just a couple of minutes. These pilots have flown in worse. Of course I was talking out of my ass, but what could I say? The pilots righted that plane right before touch down. I wasn't so convinced by my words but we made it and he cried thank you to me when we landed. Poor guy probably had to change his shorts...

I have plenty more stories (where the pilot hit the brakes right before take off and popped a tire, or the flight I took right after airports reopened after 9/11 and I was the only one in my section of a 747) but they don't really fit the theme...night night TT...

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Posted

Natalie Imbruglia's hotter cousin for 11 hours and a Romanian dancer who needed to hold hands. Air travel can be entertaining.

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Posted

Having to schlep all our bags back and forth across the runway in Baghdad because the general in charge of AAFES had taken our plane.

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My least favorite airports are the really big ones, especially Heathrow and Charles de Gaulle.

Getting off a plane at LHR, there was an escalator leading to passport control, where, due to increased security concerns, they'd placed a barrier table and check in at the top of the escalator. The escalator kept stuffing us into this inadequate space, tighter and tighter like a bad dream, with people continuing to get on at the bottom. Scare airport managers with something like 9/11 and their ability to plan adequately appears to evaporate.

Leaving from Schiphol, I had to stopover and change planes at CDG because of a tie-up between KLM and Air France. They hadn't allowed enough time to make this change, especially considering repairs to a roof section that were in progress at CDG. This was back when the luggage allowance was higher and I had both a large rolling suitcase and a full-size aluminum Halliburton holding equipment. After running with that, which would have been a challenge even when I was younger, I managed to catch a bus to the plane out on the tarmac. That ride took 45 minutes! In this case, poor planning was combined with way too much size.

Flying directly to the States from Düsseldorf is more my speed.

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Here is my story:

It was exactly 10 years ago. On my way back to Bahrain (from LA) I was sitting next to my father in the Business Class. Just before take-off he told me to look at my left-hand side and to see the King. I looked, but didn't recognize the King in that man. He was an ordinary guy with huge sunglasses, taht almost covering his whole face and a stylish hat. Given the fact we were heading Bahrain I expected to see some Arabian celebrity (Prince, King etc.), I have previously seen on the TV. After we were airborne I took another look at that man. He looked familiar to me. I slowly began to realize that I know that person. That was the King indeed. That was the King of Pop. Michael Jackson was sitting just across the asile, some 1.5 meters away from me.

To be continue...

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On a 2-3-2 configured plane from Atlanta to Munich I was at a window seat. I knew the plane would be full but to my surprise and delight a seatmate never materialized. Five minutes after we were permitted to unbuckle a very nervous-looking German very politely asked if he could move to the empty seat next to me. Apparently his seat neighbor was either a) fat B) smelly c) generally irritating or d) all the above. He implied his soon-to-be ex neighbor was enormous but used very vague terms. His nervousness stemmed from the fear I'd say no, so I knew he was in a bind and said he was welcome to sit there. Although he was tall he was also rather slim so it wasn't a tremendous hardship.

I was rewarded by Karma on my next flight. Hot, tiny, Asian seat neighbor who liked to chat. No paralyzing fear of flying resulting in unexpected hand-clutching, though.

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Most exciting flight of my life was a very cheap Air India flight from Frankfurt to Newark. Frankfurt was just a stopover to pick up more passengers (like ourselves), the plane originating in Delhi. All of the passengers from Delhi had to get off and enter the airport and we had to all (re)board together. Absolutely hilarious. The waiting lounge at FRA was stuffed, dirty and more colourful than the city of Frankfurt itself. When we cleared security and entered the lounge, half of the occupants of the waiting room were in a big mob trying to squeeze past the frazzled German airport staff, even though boarding had not even been announced yet. There were maybe a dozen stressed out looking Germans and a few confused Americans standing on the side and trying to take it all in. I went to get a water from the sole vending machine and a cranky looking American woman with a baby told me that everything was sold out because an Indian guy had just bought all of the drinks and was reselling them on the other side of the lounge!

Finally they announced priority boarding and EVERYONE (except aforementioned stressed Germans and confused Americans) tried to go through the gate at the same time. The staff were yelling and pushing to no avail. Eventually after great delay getting everything sorted, we were finally allowed to board the plane. Upon boarding the plane, the majority of the passengers ran to the back without even checking their tickets and then had to fight their way back down the aisle to find their seat. We were near the back and in the middle aisle seated next to a very friendly grandma and her five grandchildren, who were scattered around us. So much excitement. It was a bit of an old plane, and a big one, and after everyone was seated and it took off, they started the onboard movie. My German dude, who did not find everything as entertaining as I did, reached into the seat pocket to get his headphones. They were in a bag which appeared to be about a quarter full of vomit. My headphones were fine. During the flight a lot of the passengers did not remain seated, so the aisles were constantly a buzz. The friendly flight attendants occasionally trying to make their way back and forth. I found it great because I hate sitting in those cramped seats and I joined the other passengers wandering around. They even had a water fountain at the back of the plane! When I wasn't hanging out at the water fountain, I watched my first and only Indian movie, which was cheery and full of music, even though I didn't understand anything. The flight felt like more of a party, than simply a means of transportation.

When dinner was served, it was as chaotic as everything else and they started to run out near the end. We actually had to yell what we wanted, put up our hands and catch the food boxes as they flew threw the air - I sh*t you not! When we did catch our dinner, it was delicious. Best plane food ever*. By the time we arrived in Newark, I was in a great mood and this is from someone who absolutely hates flying. Normally I find being strapped in a little chair in a grey, dimly lit, generally silent cabin (well, except for the constant and monotonous roar of the engines and the occasional baby shriek) the worst form of torture. I usually can't sleep a wink and feel like I am locked in some kind of sensory deprivation chamber. I know I'm probably a bit strange, but the sterile, dry and relatively quiet Air Canada or Lufthansa transantlantic flights just about make me go bonkers. German partner, on the other hand, did not share my amusement on the Air India flight. He arrived in Newark with a headache and then had to go through that whole finger-printing 20-Questions immigration routine, while I got to breeze through the other line with a 'hi, how ya doin?' and a quick stamp in my passport.

*Worst plane food ever was on a British Midlands flight in the 90's - liver pate & onion sandwiches - ugh - cold and damp and the smell lingered in the cabin for the remainder of the flight

Had the same experience on one of these flights as well. Also, my luggage had a wonderful trip to Mumbai as it stayed on the plane after I departed in Frankfurt.

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Posted

One time heading to the middle east, I had a very pretty girl sitting next to me.

It was one of the bigger birds with a large area taken up by central seats but there was no one on the row and it was the front of the economy seats (so no one in front of us)

We stuck up a conversation about life. She had been everywhere trying to work a month or two in different parts of the world and enjoying meeting people.

She slept on my shoulder for most of the flight. I wish we had kept in touch.

The worst was coming back from Swizterland last year. It was a small plane and I had been sleeping. All of a sudden the man behind me kicks the back of my seat, once twice then three times. I turned around to ask him what was wrong with him only to find it was a rather large man who was taking the opportunity to stretch his legs out against the seat as the plane landed...rolled my eyes at that one.

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Me too Nathaniel! Same as Coyote3000 it was Air India Frankfurt - Newark. Was definitely a new flying experience. When they handed out the alcoholic beverages they gave 2 at a time so I sat there with my 2 beers and a pack of spicy bombay mix and had a great time. The cucumber & ketchup sandwiches they handed out as snacks were a bit weird, but the curry was delicious! ;-)

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I had an OK-ish one once flying back to Sydney from Tokyo. First, I got upgraded to Business Class, then my seat buddy turned out to be a cheerleader/model who had done a bodypainting calendar shoot with a friend of mine a year before. She had her portfolio with her, and hoped I wasn't too offended by the naked shots. I assured her I wasn't easily offended. We got on really well, and she turned out to be super nice. The plane was diverted twice, dragging a ten hour flight out to 14 hours. Strangely enough, that was just fine by me.

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Posted

i hoped for a hot blond chic and found two bald dudes.. as my co-passengers... for the next 9.5 hrs..

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