If I had the OP's problem back home, I'd use my trusty Browning Auto-5 left to me by dear ol' gramps. This article sums up nicely the art of "crow hunting": http://www.crowbusters.com/beg-techniques-gear.html
Mr.G you honor me by answering my question first. So I take it you have a functioning shitter indoors? Is it one of those crappers that sports a shelf for close inspection of the jobby? Inquiring minds want to know...
I learned the hard way by procuring so-called guaranteed penis enlargement products. I think my unit actually shrunk a bit. Not to mention the gentleman in Nigeria who didn't followup with his promise to pay the fee he owed me for temporarily loaning him money in order to secure his inheritance.
There's a pic of the alleged murderer online...at the Golden Gate Bridge...too bad he didn't take the opportunity to take a dive off it at that time to spare the families what I can only imagine to be incomprehensible emotional pain they're going through.
This guy seems like a real sleazeball. You could probably bribe him not to come or make a big stink of it. Problem is how much would it take and would you be willing to pay his price.
Another bribe option is to tell him to make an excuse of needing to be out of town that weekend in exchange for passing on his gizmo spiel to a highly interested venture capitalist in D-land (who conveniently decided to go in another direction after the wedding has occured).